[dedwisb97]

I have been living with a friend and his 2yr daughter in his house for over a year now. He barely cleans. He was raised that way. I want to mop, sweep, dust and keep things wiped down. He might help for a couple days then stop, or he will do something minor for aesthetic reasons. I want to live in a clean home, but I don't want to clean up after him and his daughter. I know my options but I don't know what the best choice is. :confused:

[shygrneyzs]

Only you can decide just how much you will put up with before you walk out that door. Hygiene and health standards are a major issue. You want to live in a clean place and he couldn't care less.

Now you can set down with him and draw up a cleaning schedule. Swap the chores - one week you scrub the kitchen and the next week he does. That kind of thing. Or you can designate which chores you will do on a consistent basis, providing he does his fair share. You can teach that 2 year old some basic things like picking up her toys, putting things away, helping clean the dining room table once the meal is done. Small things that hopefully will instill some health standards. Positive reinforcement (praise) goes a long way. But her Dad will have to reinforce this. If he says to his daughter it is not important, well, there goes the plan down the drain.

So... in this process of negotiation with him, if he fails, you can make it understood that you will be hiring a cleaning person to come in on a regular basis and he will be paying for at least half of the bill. If he refuses, then I do not see a way out but to get out. I could not tolerate living in such a mess.

Good luck to you.

[talaniman]

Talk, listen, compromise, or leave, all your options, choose one. Is this a romantic relationship, if not it's their place and you're a guest so they get to do what they want.

[Fr_Chuck]

It is often hard to say when we get just a small amount of info.

Not to pick but there are people who have a fit if the floor in the kitchen is not scrubed two or three times a day, So he and you may have a difference in what you consider clean. I know a person who vacs her front room three times a day, and would not let me sit on the couch unless she puts a towel down first.

So her idea of how I live would be that of a dirty bum.

But in the end, often you have to work out your own situation.

[JBeaucaire]

All of this I say as a response to your words. "I live with a friend" means you are in someone else's domain out of their generosity, you must always act like a guest. "I have a roommate" is a completely different concept... equals.

As a guest, I'd say you're the one being unreasonable. Not in your wanting a cleaner environment that it is, but in wanting your HOST to accommodate your needs.

Guests for a few days get our best behavior. Guests longer than that learn to live with OUR routine. They are free to be cleaner than we are in the common areas, but they are not free to be messier.

Your situation is the opposite. Feel free to clean if you need it, but don't interfere with how he wants things situated. I'm sure he doesn't mind you cleaning (who does?), but if you put things away he wants left in a particular place, then you are interfering.

Make yourself comfortable at home but be respectful of HIS place. Clean if you must, but ask permission to move things and never preach at him, it will get you nothing but ill-will.

If his home is too unwieldy for you, then you should start the calm process of finding your next address.