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russpro1 · Feb 13, 2008, 03:30 PM

I'am divorced mother of 2. I have a 3 yr old girl and a 12 yr old girl. My 12 yr old decided she was going to live with her dad.. She wasn't getting her own way with me and she was getting it with her dad.. What is the age where she can decide on living with him.. I live in Massachuetts. She just left with him last week, I have not seen or heard from her since.. He says he switching her school, but I don't think he can do that without my knowledge. I have physical custody. He know says he's taking my youngest from me too... He is verbally and emtionally abusive towards my older daughter, but some how seems to win her over with gifts.. What can I do to stop this.. I will never let my kids go..

love-javier · Feb 13, 2008, 08:28 PM

Originally Posted by russpro1

I'am divorced mother of 2. I have a 3 yr old girl and a 12 yr old girl. My 12 yr old decided she was going to live with her dad.. She wasn't getting her own way with me and she was getting it with her dad.. What is the age where she can decide on living with him..I live in Massachuetts. She just left with him last week, I have not seen or heard from her since.. He says he switching her school, but I don't think he can do that without my knowledge. I have physical custody. He know says hes taking my youngest from me too... He is verbally and emtionally abusive towards my older daughter, but some how seems to win her over with gifts.. What can I do to stop this.. I will never let my kids go..

If you have physical custody you can tell your daughter she hasto stay with you it's not her choice until the courts say so. I think, but if you have physical custody I know he can't "take" your kids or he'll go to jail.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 13, 2008, 08:38 PM

There is no age where the child can decide, she can tesify in court what she wants, and the judge may or may not allow it, if your ex sues for full custodyin court.

So you merely tell them no, and tell your child she has to come home, tell the ex if she is not home, you will call the police on him.

So you just don't let him, and keep your child at home. He can not change schools only you can do that legally

algalhansel37 · Feb 13, 2008, 08:55 PM

I would suggest to talk to her.. btw, how far away is her dad? Anyway tell her what you think she may not agree but you told her, that's not right though that he buys her love, bad dad:(

George_1950 · Feb 14, 2008, 11:00 AM

I found a neat answer to your difficult question: "So the correct answer is "No, the child doesn't have a right to choose". In real life, the answer is maybe. If you are discussing this possibility (of a custody change) with your child, that child should be older (thirteen is probably a bare minimum, and fifteen much better), and you'll have to be honest with your child, and have to demand that the child be honest with you as to what the child's preference is.

"The judge is looking for one major thing in a child, if the judge is to honor the child's wishes: maturity. If that child says to the judge "Well, since I've been living with my dad, my grades are up, and I haven't missed a day of class. And I won't miss a day, if you let me live there. That's what I want, and I think I'm entitled to it. I phone my mother every night. I'm not some juvenile delinquent, Judge, and you don't need to treat me like one", then that judge is going to listen. He's also going to glance at the child's report card. If the report card supports the child, then the case is over, realistically speaking.

"Don't forget the flip side: if that judge gets just a hint that the non-custodial parent is being a bully (to the other parent), or a slouch ("Hmmm. Missed four days already, eh?") as a parent, then the case is also over. And the bully won't like it: judges know pretty well how to deal with bullying parents and bullying children. That kid is not going to be sent over to Party City to have a good time, whether or not that's exactly what the child wants."
See: At What Age Can A Child Choose?

At this point, you need an attorney to file a motion to hold him in contempt; I would try to locate her, get a copy of the custody order, and get the police or sheriff to go with you; they can't get directly involved, but can help maintain peace.