[dave07]

My girlfriend of 2 years (we are both mid 30's) indicated that she has been stressed lately and sent me a bag of mixed signals to deal with last week.

She had a long holiday sick at home and hand surgery prior to that. Now she just wants to be obligation-free. And one week ago we stopped communication. (I have not made any efforts, but have let her be.) She said all of the following about 2 weeks ago:

1. She wants to get up and do whatever she feels without feeling guilty
2. If we chose to have a child she would be concerned that because i am so healthy i would not want her to take anti-nausea medicine - for fear it might not be healthy for the child.
3. Our schedules are different - (times we eat) and times we get up and go to sleep are different...
4. As we go on, marriage will be a natural progression and she unsure what to do in regards to her child if we do not work out
5. she cried a bit about being not a perfect mother

We went out that evening (2 weeks ago) and had a great time. We agreed to go slow and just have fun.

(Her ex husband has recently remarried and is not a saint and unfortunately has the child a few days a week)


Last Sunday after the SuperBowl Game I called her and she did not answer. She texted later that she had fallen asleep. (She had elected not to watch it with a group as she was not feeling well)

So I stopped pushing to communicate...
I let communication lapse last week Monday, since I initiate most of it lately, and she has never filled the gap wth a call, text, email since.
.. She had been distant the week prior as well.. Now it has been a week of silence. I am not sure whether to leave it silent or not for now. I do think some level of depresssion may be at work here too. There was no official break-up per se, but she voiced some voiced concerns a week prior... In the past when I've broken the silence she has seemed happy and communicative. But I do not want this as my role now - no matter how cordial she is...

SO:

Is she gone?

Should I maintain silence?

Is there anything to say that lets her feel free but let' me know she is alive. Clearly, she could have contacted me if she wished...


Thanks!

[justcurious55]

If she's been stressed she might have just needed space. Now maybe she needs you to be the bigger person though and break the silence. If you don't like that role though, then don't play it. It's up to you. Or maybe play it this time but then sit down and talk to her about it and see if you guys can come up with a way to aoid this happening again.
If you guys saty together, maye you should consider that pre-marital counseling. I've heard from others its great. Maybe it will be a good way for you guys to work through your issues (if you decide to stay together)

[imation]

Its true that she could just be stressed, but it seems a little like she is looking for reasons to distance herself from you, could that case be that she is scared about the future and making hard decisions that which are life changing to her and her child. Such as, she has an ex husband, she obviously doesn't want another ex husband so if you get married and it doesn't work how can she put her child through it again? Think about things she has said, its seems like a mature relationship so she would most likely be honest with you about important things
As for breaking the silence, I think its probably her turn, as you said she can contact you anytime if she wishes

[Ash123]

Well, communication is key.

She obviously has some trepidations, but sometimes assumptions get made when there is a long silence. Give it another week (thru Valentines would be noticed) and then break it. You may get bad news, but who knows... she sounds a bit "clinical" - talking baby care and break-ups in the same sentences... If she is depressed it may be complicated to get a simple answer...

[talaniman]

Have you seen her face to face and talked about this??