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jiltedgirl · Feb 8, 2008, 07:54 PM

We're all getting there.

Just take it one day at a time, I guess. :)

jiltedgirl · Feb 10, 2008, 10:31 AM

... So I went out last night, mingled, etc. I didn't meet anyone interesting, which is fine. But I kept thinking of him, which is not fine. Yep, I'm talking about the ex. I woke up today feeling pretty down. I didn't get out of bed for 3 hours, which says a lot. And I hadn't allowed myself to think of the ex very much as of late, but after last night, I seemed to have opened a door that I had almost closed.

I guess it's just that I miss him. I have to try and accept that there's nothing wrong with that. All I know is that this Thursday's Valentine's Day is going to be a b*tch.

I'm just going to focus on my studies.

George_1950 · Feb 10, 2008, 10:49 AM

Jilted, you've heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? "A prediction that becomes true as a consequence of having been made. For example, if the president of a large company predicts a fall in the company's share price, then the prediction is likely to bring about a fall in the share price irrespective of any other factors, because investors will be more inclined to sell their shares."
self-fulfilling prophecy - Encyclopedia.com

jiltedgirl · Feb 10, 2008, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by George_1950

jilted, you've heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? "A prediction that becomes true as a consequence of having been made. For example, if the president of a large company predicts a fall in the company's share price, then the prediction is likely to bring about a fall in the share price irrespective of any other factors, because investors will be more inclined to sell their shares."
self-fulfilling prophecy - Encyclopedia.com

Oh George...

Look at it this way. A president would be qualified to make that prediction given the merit, experience, and skill that he has accumulated to reach that top-level position.

Besides, I'm not dealing with any third or fourth party, which in the above example are the investors. I'm dealing solely with myself. This isn't a "self-fulfilling prophesy." It's a prediction based on the simple fact that I know myself. I know how I'm going to feel and act. Why? Let's just say it's based on previous patterns and trends throughout the years post-breakup, exacerbated by the rising costs of loneliness.

I know what "self-fulfilling prophesy" means, George. That link really wasn't necessary. No need to get snarky!! Lol!! Tsktsk. :cool:

ISneezeFunny · Feb 10, 2008, 01:38 PM

It's really your attitude about how it's going to go down. If you go about it thinking, "this is going to suck"... it probably will suck.

For v-day, go out with your single friends. Go out to dinner, go to a bar, there'll be plenty of singles there looking for v-day romance.

I asked my buddies to go out with me, but apparently 5 dudes going out on v-day doesn't fly.

I'll be going out with a few female friends in hopes that they can play wing-girl.

jiltedgirl · Feb 10, 2008, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

it's really your attitude about how it's gonna go down. if you go about it thinking, "this is going to suck"...it probably will suck.

for v-day, go out with your single friends. go out to dinner, go to a bar, there'll be plenty of singles there looking for v-day romance.

I asked my buddies to go out with me, but apparently 5 dudes going out on v-day doesn't fly.

I'll be going out with a few female friends in hopes that they can play wing-girl.

Lol! I would imagine your guy friends wouldn't be thrilled... :p In any case, that's great ISneeze~!

I mean I get what you're saying. But you know what's worse, and which has happened too many times to count? To think "this isn't going to suck" and then, well, having it suck.

I forgot who made this declaration, but it goes something like this: "have low expectations and everything comes as a pleasant surprise."

Of course making plans with single friends (at least with those few singletons left remaining ;) )is great. Alas, such plans have been thwarted because of a mammoth paper due the next day... :rolleyes:

Hence, I expect nothing.

Boo to reality. :o

friend4u178 · Feb 10, 2008, 03:13 PM

Hey Jilted
Don't feel bad or beat yourself up about feeling bad on V Day , that is a perfectly normal feeling as is having similar feelings on BDays , anniversaries etc. You are still in the early stages and those feelings will subside with time. Next Valentines Day you'll be laughing all this off believe me.

And for what it's worth HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to you and everyone else on here :-)

ISneezeFunny · Feb 10, 2008, 04:10 PM

If you want, you can use my situation to make yourself feel better... y'know, how if you have a headache and then you see someone get kicked in the face, then you're like HMM... MY HEADACHE DOESN'T SEEM TOO BAD NOW...

This is my v-day situation.

I made reservations downtown... some hotel was throwing this v-day special 7-course dinner... on their rooftop overlooking downtown. The price is $150 a person, and I had to prepay for one person as a deposit. So I'm out $150.

Next, I bought tix to a show before dinner. I'm out $140

Next, I made reservations at a hotel next door to that dinner joint. $300.

Realizing your ex will be spending it with some other guy.. Priceless.

So yeah... I'm out a few bucks... no matter. I'm actually taking a girl out to the show, but as far as dinner... I'm really not wanting to spend that much on another girl... and I doubt any girl wants to spend $150 for dinner. So dinner + hotel... are out. I'm out $450. Eh.

c'est la vie.

Questions2007 · Feb 11, 2008, 12:51 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

If you want, you can use my situation to make yourself feel better...y'know, how if you have a headache and then you see someone get kicked in the face, then you're like HMM...MY HEADACHE DOESN'T SEEM TOO BAD NOW...

this is my v-day situation.

I made reservations downtown...some hotel was throwing this v-day special 7-course dinner...on their rooftop overlooking downtown. the price is $150 a person, and I had to prepay for one person as a deposit. So I'm out $150.

Next, I bought tix to a show before dinner. I'm out $140

Next, I made reservations at a hotel next door to that dinner joint. $300.

Realizing your ex will be spending it with some other guy...? Priceless.

so yeah...I'm out a few bucks...no matter. I'm actually taking a girl out to the show, but as far as dinner...I'm really not wanting to spend that much on another girl...and I doubt any girl wants to spend $150 for dinner. so dinner + hotel...are out. I'm out $450. eh.

c'est la vie.

I think the attitude to this situation demonstrates how far you have come along, just by implementing NC. Most would be overwhelmed by pity, you are not! You are annoyed by the situation and the way your ex has acted. That means you are not putting her on a pedestal!

Romefalls19 · Feb 11, 2008, 06:26 AM

Just to give a quick update on the situation. I am still doing NC... I have actually lost count of the days(sorry guys) but in a way I feel a lot better. So Sunday I worked 8-2 and normally she works in the book keepers office. So I am getting ready to leave and have my IPOD on and as I'm walking up to the time clock. Sure enough there she is, her friend has the book keeping door wide open and my ex is laughing and then eye contact is made and the laughing and smile just erases from her face. (Keep in mind the entire time I was walking up to the clock I was lip singing to my IPOD) I don't know what to think, but I sort of thought maybe things aren't so great with this new guy and that NC is really getting to her. YES I do know NC is strictly for me, and it is helping. I just was curious why she would act that way...

ihatewestseneca · Feb 11, 2008, 06:29 AM

She may have been just surprised to see that you're doing much better. Walking (with probably a spring in your step) and lip syncing to your Ipod are not things depressed people do. Don't let it get to you (I know you wont) She is gone, and its over and done with. She may not regret it now, but she will one day.

Questions2007 · Feb 11, 2008, 06:32 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Just to give a quick update on the situation. I am still doing NC...I have actually lost count of the days(sorry guys) but in a way I feel a lot better. So Sunday I worked 8-2 and normally she works in the book keepers office. So I am getting ready to leave and have my IPOD on and as I'm walking up to the time clock. Sure enough there she is, her friend has the book keeping door wide open and my ex is laughing and then eye contact is made and the laughing and smile just erases from her face. (Keep in mind the entire time I was walking up to the clock I was lip singing to my IPOD) I dunno what to think, but I sorta thought maybe things aren't so great with this new guy and that NC is really getting to her. YES I do know NC is strictly for me, and it is helping. I just was curious why she would act that way...

Stop worrying about what she is feeling and thinking. She didn't have your feelings in mind at all!

The fact you are happier demonstrates you are taking positive steps.

If she wants to speak to you she will come to you. Until that happens, (if at all), continue doing what you have been doing.

talaniman · Feb 11, 2008, 06:42 AM

Don't have a clue as to what she is thinking, but it sure didn't make her day that your high steppin', and finger poppin', at work. LOL!! They only ting you could have added would be a very wide grin and a hello!! Keep going with your own thang!

Romefalls19 · Feb 11, 2008, 06:43 AM

There is no way of getting me to talk to her ha ha... One of her friends asked me Saturday why I deleted her off my myspace and I simply replied "it has nothing to do with me not liking you as a person, but rather you being my ex's bestfriend and things would be too weird. Maybe one day down the road we can speak again but as for now, it doesn't seem right" I do whatever I can to keep my mind off my ex. I am at the gym religiously, started taking up boxing classes at the same gym, Mixed Martial Arts training the following month. It's going to be a busy time for me and I'm only going to be getting in better shape each day.

Questions007 - I am in fact a lot happier than I was before, I still have set backs but when I saw her and she took that smile off her face it was a good feeling for myself not to break my stride and stop singing ha ha.

jpm247 · Feb 12, 2008, 01:09 AM

I'm now 6 weeks in without seeing my ex, and just over a week since a got an email from her, and did't reply.

I am still going with NC, as I get that the less I do the more I do, in all ways. I am getting on with things as best as I can, passed my 1st motorbike test at the weekend so that is a positive!

This website/forum has been a great help and I'm only 6 weeks in.

The mornings are the worst I find at the moment, still think of her when I wake up.

Questions2007 · Feb 12, 2008, 02:23 AM

Originally Posted by jpm247

I'm now 6 weeks in without seeing my ex, and just over a week since a got an email from her, and did't reply.

I am stil going with NC, as i get that the less i do the more i do, in all ways. i am getting on with things as best as i can, passed my 1st motorbike test at the weekend so that is a positive!

This website/forum has been a great help and im only 6 weeks in.

The mornings are the worst i find at the moment, still think of her when i wake up.

I speak from experience in saying the first 6 to 8 weeks are the hardest. In 6 weeks time you will so much better, 6 weeks after that even better, and so on!

You will be surprised as to how much perspective you gain over time.

jiltedgirl · Feb 12, 2008, 10:19 PM

Wow. It's been a little over a week since I've fully done NC, but I thought it was much longer, more like 2-3 weeks. I know I shouldn't complain or vent (God knows that I do plenty of that).

I can usually muster enough willpower to push any feelings of anger or hurt aside and march forward with a "whatever-it happened-move on" attitude, but tonight I find myself unable to suppress them, which is bad considering I have two papers to complete tonight. I guess it's going to be a long night...

Well, he's online right now and back from away. I usually force myself to "not care," but I can't help staring at his screen name. I just can't believe that coward never apologized to me. What's more, I can't believe that he will never feel the need to apologize to me.

How could someone be so... I don't even know... Who am I kidding? I know the answer to this. He doesn't want to do anything with me and frankly, I don't want anything to do with him.

Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt...

Boo to feelings.. :o

Delow84 · Feb 12, 2008, 10:26 PM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

Well, he's online right now and back from away. I usually force myself to "not care," but I can't help staring at his screen name. I just can't believe that coward never apologized to me. What's more, I can't believe that he will never feel the need to apologize to me.

How could someone be so...I don't even know... Who am I kidding? I know the answer to this. He doesn't want to do anything with me and frankly, I don't want anything to do with him.

Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt...

Boo to feelings.. :o

I feel you on that, blare some music turn off the instant messenger and do the best on the two papers your working on. Just got to adjust your focus to something important :)

talaniman · Feb 13, 2008, 07:04 AM

You haven't deleted him from your computer??

Romefalls19 · Feb 13, 2008, 07:19 AM

Tal I tried to give you rep but once again would not allow me too.. I agree, the deleting of ways to contact a person should be the first thing done if you're going to go NC... I did it as soon as I went NC simply so I didn't know what she was doing.. Ignorance is bliss :-)