[The_Pretender]

Quick story here to precede my question: I had a friend who was also a mutual friend of my roommate. We had our ups and downs and were going through a trial where she wouldn't want to hang out with me at all, but would with him which was awkward, to say the least, as we both lived in the same apartment so I would have to see her anyhow. I tried to hide my frustration with the situation since we had been through some rough trials as it was, but it always bothered me so much because I had helped her with so much, but when he was around I ceased to exist.

Anyhow, 4th of July 2007 we were at another friends' party when she showed up which excited me since she said we may be able to talk about the problem. Well, it turns out she didn't and I went home upset. I arrive at my apartment to find that she has arrived with him and was going to hang out to which I said I wouldn't be very happy. He refused to send her on her way, so I made my way out and as I passed him window I attempted to rattle it, but what happened next was a shock not only to me, but to them as well. The window shattered and cut him and missed her. I couldn't believe it happened since I didn't even try to do it, but that doesn't matter. He and I got into a physical confrontation in which he attempted to beat the crap out of me which was near impossible because of size differences; I am a big guy.

I pinned him and tried calming him down, but he refused and ended up breaking my nose. Needless to say she was scared of me from then on and when I tried to contact her all she had to say was "I never want to hear from or see you again. Don't contact me."

My heart sunk and I knew I had made the biggest mistake in my life just to rattle a window. Since then things have fallen apart in the weirdest way. I lost 2 jobs, my grandmother died and I have an outrageous debt on my hands, but anyway I have never gotten over it and I miss her so much although I don't know what to do. I just want to be a friend to her and it's killing me. If anybody has any relevant advice it would be greatly appreciated.

One more note: I guess it was a longer story than I thought. Apologies on that, everyone.

[imation]

I know it may be hard to accept but you have no control over the friendship from this point forward. If she means that much to you as a friend then somehow let her know that you were just trying to rattle the window not break it and your not a violent person (maybe by a letter or the like). But from then on, its up to her, if she still never wants to hear from you again that's up to her and you need to respect that.
Get back your jobs, get back your life and don't be so quick to rattle any more windows

[The_Pretender]

i know it may be hard to accept but you have no control over the friendship from this point forward. if she means that much to you as a friend then somehow let her know that you were just trying to rattle the window not break it and your not a violent person (maybe by a letter or the like). but from then on, its up to her, if she still never wants to hear from you again thats up to her and you need to respect that.
get back your jobs, get back your life and dont be so quick to rattle any more windows

Perhaps that would be the best thing to do, but now I am afraid if I do anything remotely resembling contact I will anger others with which we are mutually connected. Kind of a hairy situation in it's own right. I appreciate your advice regardless.

[talaniman]

Accept she doesn't want your friendship, and probably never did, and put this whole thing behind you. You have no control over the feelings, or actions, of others. You do have control over yourself. Sorry.