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MasuBhat · Feb 11, 2008, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Don't let go of her, but let her go. I'm not saying give up on love, but give her the chance to discover if she loves you for you, not just because you're "like" you.

I totally agree.

HPU1182 · Feb 11, 2008, 11:40 AM

All right, here is an update. I received an email this morning, just not from her. I got it from a women that she works with. Clearly stated in the email is that my fiancé and her husband have been seeing each other for the past 6 months, and said that clearly I was the last one to know. Mainly because my ex-fiance lives a good 60 miles away, and works in that city as a RN. So here I am, blind-sided and knowbody to turn to. I called my girl, and called till she picked up. I talked with her very calmly, obviously not what she was expecting. I told her that I loved her, which meant I wanted her to be happy. If that means with this other man, great (me knowing that is not even close to the truth). I ended it with an "I love you" and she teared. So, after talking with the guys wife a little through email (keep in mind, this is the friend that I emailed this morning to tell my girl that I loved and missed her. The one talked about previously) I find out that they are moving in together tomorrow. My ex confirmed this. What the f**k? Where do I go with this? While talking to her, I brought up that she didn't want to be with me cause she didn't think I could permantly change. So, here she is with a guy that is doing what I was doing, and moving in with him. She even said that she "loved" him. Help guys. Where do I go? What do I do? She forgave me when I did something like this, but I told her about it. She has keep this from me for 6 months. God, where are you?

HistorianChick · Feb 11, 2008, 12:18 PM

All right, Darlin. You stepped back, you didn't give up on love, you gave her the chance to see that she loved you... all the while, she was seeing this guy.

I'm so sorry, HPU. But you need to step away. Now is the time that you need to focus on you, your heart, and your healing.

For what its worth, we at the AMHD are here for you.

HPU1182 · Feb 11, 2008, 01:19 PM

Thank you. Today is rough. I don't want to sound like a whinner though.

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

Alright, Darlin. You stepped back, you didn't give up on love, you gave her the chance to see that she loved you... all the while, she was seeing this guy.

I'm so sorry, HPU. But you need to step away. Now is the time that you need to focus on you, your heart, and your healing.

For what its worth, we at the AMHD are here for you.

HistorianChick · Feb 11, 2008, 01:25 PM

You're not a whiner. As long as you still have questions, we still have answers... as good, or as random as they may be!

Have you done anything for yourself lately? Bought yourself something new? Gone to see a movie that you like? Treated yourself to something just for you?

Now would be a good time.

HPU1182 · Feb 11, 2008, 01:30 PM

No I have not. Work has been the primary focus. See, I am 25 and the President of my company. Things are not easy anyway. How do I focus on work when this is right there?

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

You're not a whiner. As long as you still have questions, we still have answers... as good, or as random as they may be!

Have you done anything for yourself lately? Bought yourself something new? Gone to see a movie that you like? Treated yourself to something just for you?

Now would be a good time.

barbiegurl · Feb 11, 2008, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by HPU1182

I am having a lot of problems with my g/f. I don't know who to turn to for advice considering I lost my mother 3 years ago and all I have left is my brother and father. They don't seem to be the ones to try to get to help me considering both of them are single and have never been happy in a relationship. I would really like to get things right with me and my girls again, can someone help guide me through this, if this is even the right thing to do. I would go into further detail, I just want to make sure someone will listen first. Thank you for your time and effort.

Bernie Stewart

Well... the best advice I can give you is to wait. If this girl really loves you then wait.
Sending flowers, cards, and calling her isn't going to make her come back. Sounds like she's playing hard to get. So why don't you do the same as her? And about your mom... I know a mom/ dad is one of the most wonderful things in the world. But you can't grieve forever. I lost my father and I know he can never come back.

HistorianChick · Feb 11, 2008, 01:44 PM

Work is a good focus. But, you have to take time for you. Work out, take the long way home after you leave the office, stop for an ice cream cone... something that is just for you. It doesn't have to be huge, just something that you say, "Ok, this is for me."

I'm going to give you a link to a post I made on someone else's thread back when they asked me how I can be "so put together" after the kinds of junk I've been through... it may help you a bit. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post866911 If you read the post, then a couple down it answers how you, too, can be "put together" after something like this...

HistorianChick · Feb 11, 2008, 02:55 PM

Hope you didn't mind, Delow, that I linked to your thread in that last post. I just think that you have a lot of wisdom in this kind of thing. :)

Ten minute rule, my friend. Ten minute rule.

shuang1705 · Feb 11, 2008, 03:42 PM

When a girl says she's out, she's out. That's not something they would normally say. What sucks is from my experience, most of them keep things pent up inside. It's almost as if you have to have a periodic talk with them in a calm environment to see how are things, are there anything they'd like to see improve. I've recently broken the no contact rule only to have my ex tell me I've only pushed her away farther this week. I intend on following the no contact rule and removed myself from our social webpages so I can't see what's going on in her life that could further drive me nuts. I'll leave myself accessible to her, but am going through the process of moving on. Hope for the best but prepare for the worse. I know how you're feeling bro, and I would want nothing more than my ex to come back so we can restart things, but as everyone says, no amount of convincing will change her mind. Even when I wanted a break, when she broke down in tears, I took her back right away so she wouldn't suffer hoping she would do the same for me, but no such luck here. Best of luck my friend.