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TWOnline · Feb 7, 2008, 03:00 PM

Hello, and thanks in advance to anyone who answers my question.

I live in the state of Texas. I have a 16 year old daughter - a product of an irresponsible youth and the motivation for a responsible adulthood.

When I had my daughter, I had not seen or talked to the father since I got pregnant, and I did not put him on the birth certificate. At first I was never going to tell him, but after having her I decided this was unfair to her. So when she was 6 months old, I contacted him, told him, and he came to visit us.

He stayed for a weekend and gave all kinds of promises about taking responsibility. When he left, however, I did not hear from him for some time. I contacted his parents and talked to them, and they informed me that he had told them about me, but that he denied that my daughter could possibly be his child.

So I decided to raise her without him, and never pursued child-support or a continuing relationship between him and my daughter.

Jump ahead 8 years, and I coincidentally moved into the town in which his parents lived. After months of having this proximity on my mind, I decided to take her to meet her grandparents. They met, the grandparents required a DNA test to confirm that she was indeed their grandchild, and after getting this confirmation they then took a very active role in her life that has been great. They are good grandparents.

Meanwhile, the father has come in and out of her life at whims - always telling me he had changed and wanted to be in her life, then disappearing again. This last time he 'changed' he was in her life for about a year, then disappeared for four years with zero contact whatsoever.

Just recently he has come back again, again with promises of having finally grown up and wanting a relationship with his child. My daughter is an endlessly forgiving person and decided to spend time with him. At 16 years old, there's not a whole lot I can do to prevent it without becoming completely controlling and denying her right to know him even though I will have no control over that in 2 years anyway - something I just can't bring myself to do.

But now I've had an opportunity to move to China for a very good job that would possibly allow me to retire in a couple of years. I want to take my daughter with me, of course. But she does not want to go despite the great experience it would be for her. I have heard whispers and such and now know that her father has offered to let her live with him while I am in China. They are apparently making plans toward this, of which they think I am unaware. He has told her that he will be able to take custody of her because he has proof he is her father (with the DNA test) and custody has never been established; that she could decide to go live with him, and because there is no court order that says he has to make her come home, I would have to take him to court to get her back.

Does anyone know if this is true? Can anyone shed some light on the rights I have and he has in this situation?

Thanks Again!

JudyKayTee · Feb 7, 2008, 04:01 PM

[QUOTE=TWOnline]Hello, and thanks in advance to anyone who answers my question.

I live in the state of Texas. I have a 16 year old daughter - a product of an irresponsible youth and the motivation for a responsible adulthood.

When I had my daughter, I had not seen or talked to the father since I got pregnant, and I did not put him on the birth certificate. At first I was never going to tell him, but after having her I decided this was unfair to her. So when she was 6 months old, I contacted him, told him, and he came to visit us.

He stayed for a weekend and gave all kinds of promises about taking responsibility. When he left, however, I did not hear from him for some time. I contacted his parents and talked to them, and they informed me that he had told them about me, but that he denied that my daughter could possibly be his child.

So I decided to raise her without him, and never pursued child-support or a continuing relationship between him and my daughter.

Jump ahead 8 years, and I coincidentally moved into the town in which his parents lived. After months of having this proximity on my mind, I decided to take her to meet her grandparents. They met, the grandparents required a DNA test to confirm that she was indeed their grandchild, and after getting this confirmation they then took a very active role in her life that has been great. They are good grandparents.

Meanwhile, the father has come in and out of her life at whims - always telling me he had changed and wanted to be in her life, then disappearing again. This last time he 'changed' he was in her life for about a year, then disappeared for four years with zero contact whatsoever.

Just recently he has come back again, again with promises of having finally grown up and wanting a relationship with his child. My daughter is an endlessly forgiving person and decided to spend time with him. At 16 years old, there's not a whole lot I can do to prevent it without becoming completely controlling and denying her right to know him even though I will have no control over that in 2 years anyway - something I just can't bring myself to do.

But now I've had an opportunity to move to China for a very good job that would possibly allow me to retire in a couple of years. I want to take my daughter with me, of course. But she does not want to go despite the great experience it would be for her. I have heard whispers and such and now know that her father has offered to let her live with him while I am in China. They are apparently making plans toward this, of which they think I am unaware. He has told her that he will be able to take custody of her because he has proof he is her father (with the DNA test) and custody has never been established; that she could decide to go live with him, and because there is no court order that says he has to make her come home, I would have to take him to court to get her back.

Does anyone know if this is true? Can anyone shed some light on the rights I have and he has in this situation?

WOW! My feeling - and I'm not in Texas - is that her father could go to Court and ask for visitation and/or custody. At 16 your daughter will be asked her opinion and wishes and assuming she is stable, a good student, not in trouble, her wishes will carry a lot of weight.

(I am absolutely astounded that you take responsibility for having a child at a young age - so many people are eager to blame the father, take no responsibility for their own actions. Amazing!)

JudyKayTee · Feb 7, 2008, 04:03 PM

[QUOTE=JudyKayTee][QUOTE=TWOnline]
But now I've had an opportunity to move to China for a very good job that would possibly allow me to retire in a couple of years. I want to take my daughter with me, of course. But she does not want to go despite the great experience it would be for her. I have heard whispers and such and now know that her father has offered to let her live with him while I am in China. They are apparently making plans toward this, of which they think I am unaware. He has told her that he will be able to take custody of her because he has proof he is her father (with the DNA test) and custody has never been established; that she could decide to go live with him, and because there is no court order that says he has to make her come home, I would have to take him to court to get her back.

Does anyone know if this is true? Can anyone shed some light on the rights I have and he has in this situation?

I would get myself into family court - or whoever handles these things in Texas - and apply for a custody order before you face this. With no custody order it's anybody's guess - I always hope the Courts look to the person who raised the child, supported the child - but both parents have rights to the child.

I wouldn't wait for this to happen.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 7, 2008, 04:30 PM

There were many mistakes done, 1. you did not file for child support or a order of custody when the child was born.

But at this point, the father can file in court for custody of the child, proving he is the father in court with a court approved DNA test.
You should consider talking with him though an attorny, about him making 16 years of back child support payments, when you go to court for his request of custody. Knowing he may have to pay 1000's of dollars may change his mind of wanting to be a father.