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jiltedgirl · Feb 6, 2008, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

...george, if I followed that advice I woulda gained at least 20 lbs a week after the breakup.

HAHAHAHAH. Word, ISneezeFunny. Word. ;)

George_1950 · Feb 6, 2008, 10:39 AM

Lol; so, Sneeze, what did you do?

jiltedgirl · Feb 6, 2008, 04:27 PM

I know that I may sound bitter and/or resentful, but I don't think I will ever be able to get into a relationship again not because I don't want to or anything (I actually sort of get excited at the prospect of dating new guys), but because I don't want to get hurt by another guy.

The most current ex made me open up to me, which took a long time because I became cautious after the last burn. But as soon as I opened up, gave him my heart, and took a chance, he transformed from this caring guy who was crazy about me into just another stereotypical guy--emotionally distant and uncommunicative. In other words, once he pursued and got me, he didn't care anymore (I apologize for generalizing).

It's not like I was in love with the ex so can you imagine if I fell in love with someone? I'm really scared to get hurt again. I can't take another disappointment, another heartache.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 6, 2008, 08:58 PM

Originally Posted by George_1950

lol; so, Sneeze, what did you do?

1. I boxed.
2. I worked out. A lot.
3. I went to a shooting range and learned how to shoot.

Pretty much, I LOST about 18 lbs.

jiltedgirl · Feb 7, 2008, 07:40 AM

At least you benefited. I swear I've gained 10 lbs since last weekend.

Is it really hard for you guys in the mornings? I wake up really really depressed with this horrible apocalyptic feeling in my stomach. It goes away throughout the day and usually doesn't come back at night, but the mornings are killer--just the realization that I've been used and he doesn't give a crap's about me.

Romefalls19 · Feb 7, 2008, 07:44 AM

Jilted I know what you mean by the mornings, I wake up every morning wondering if it was all a nightmare, struggle just to eat breakfast. My thing is I begin to wonder where she laid her head down at night, oddly that's a thought I have right before I go to bed too. There is a quote from a song that describe my pain early on "You wake just to suffer through the day"

ISneezeFunny · Feb 7, 2008, 09:11 AM

I hate to be THAT guy, but lately... my life is starting to pick up.

I'm currently on my 7th week... and I don't know, things couldn't be going better.

My academic career is doing well as I'm focused and studying hard... my actual career is taking off... girls have been asking me out to lunch/dinner on a relatively consistent basis... my friends and I go out to do random things (rock climbing, bars, go out to eat... we even went to a yoga class simply to pick up women)

I know exactly what jilted and rome is talking about. 2 - 3 weeks ago, I would go to sleep and I'd stay on my side of the bed. I would wake up on my side of the bed... and my initial reaction would have been... damn. Why. But now, I sleep in the middle, I use the entire bed throughout the night, I wake up, ready to go through the day.

I don't know what happened... it just did. Some of you are going to say, "That means you didn't really like her that much"... but that's not true. I was planning on asking this girl to marry me after a year or two.

But honestly, after following the ingenious instructions of the peers at AMHD... I can honestly say that I actually feel better about myself and I DEFINITELY can tell that people notice that I feel better. It's a good feeling.

Questions2007 · Feb 8, 2008, 03:51 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I hate to be THAT guy, but lately...my life is starting to pick up.

I'm currently on my 7th week...and I don't know, things couldn't be going better.

My academic career is doing well as I'm focused and studying hard...my actual career is taking off...girls have been asking me out to lunch/dinner on a relatively consistent basis...my friends and I go out to do random things (rock climbing, bars, go out to eat...we even went to a yoga class simply to pick up women)

I know exactly what jilted and rome is talking about. 2 - 3 weeks ago, I would go to sleep and I'd stay on my side of the bed. I would wake up on my side of the bed...and my initial reaction would have been...damn. why. but now, I sleep in the middle, I use the entire bed throughout the night, I wake up, ready to go through the day.

I don't know what happened...it just did. Some of you are going to say, "That means you didn't really like her that much"...but that's not true. I was planning on asking this girl to marry me after a year or two.

But honestly, after following the ingenious instructions of the peers at AMHD...I can honestly say that I actually feel better about myself and I DEFINITELY can tell that people notice that I feel better. It's a good feeling.

This definitely shows that getting on with life, sticking to NC, and trying to be yourself reaps rewards. Well done!

I am finding the same, though perhaps on a slower basis. I have stuck to NC for 6 months. The last week I have been thinking more about my ex, mainly because it is a year since things ended. But over the last couple of days, like you, I have moved towards more of a positive line.

In fact, the major thing focusing on my mind as far as women go now, is deciding which one of the two women I have been on dates with over the past couple of weeks, I should decide to stick with, if either!!

jiltedgirl · Feb 8, 2008, 09:15 AM

Good news. Usually, I see my ex's name everywhere, but yesterday the name "Alexis" was brought up in class and I wasn't reminded of him... that is until I looked down at my paper and saw I had written "Alex" (my ex's name) instead.

I woke up today and the first thing that I thought of was "I have a lot of work to do." Then, excited thoughts about a party tonight/tom night, and finally, thoughts of the ex followed suit.

I hope this indicated progress, albeit slow.

At least he wasn't the first thing on my thoughts.

Ash123 · Feb 8, 2008, 09:36 AM

These are great stories.

If anyone gets stuck please remember that 90 days is the detox goal.

Sometimes less, sometimes more. But you have to feel the burn of silence
Before the process can magically work. Just know that as it gets worse... it is
Actually healing... power through. And you will see it works.

sunshine79 · Feb 8, 2008, 11:47 AM

So I'm only on day 2 of NC. And I do realize that this is the best thing to do for myself to move on. The only thing that hurts is in the back of my mind I feel like NC or space is just another way of saying it is really over. And if I am doing NC is he or does he just not want to talk to me? The break up is still so fresh to me my mind is all mush. I still wake up thinking this is all a dream and that he is still getting ready to propose. I feel like my heart is being pulled out everday of NC... I admire all of you and want to be in your places right now too! Please tell me this gets better...

George_1950 · Feb 8, 2008, 12:02 PM

Thanks for writing and sharing so quickly; you have courage. I think folks come to a decision about whether to stay on a sinking ship or swim; you must be thinking about swimming, and at that point what goes on in the other person's head gets to be less important. No one can know what is going on in someone else's mind; and I think it is best not to listen so much about what is said, as to watch what is being done. Yes, it gets better, much better.

freakinconfused · Feb 8, 2008, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

Is it really hard for you guys in the mornings? I wake up really really depressed with this horrible apocalyptic feeling in my stomach. It goes away throughout the day and usually doesn't come back at night, but the mornings are killer--just the realization that I've been used and he doesn't give a crap's about me.

I was dumped 5 months ago by my ex, and I still think about her every single morning. I don't want to, but for whatever reason she is the first thing that invades my thoughts when I wake up. It used to be that I'd wake up, immediately think about her, and then think about her for the rest of the day and be all sad and whatnot. It's a bit different now, because I wake up, think about her, but then remind myself that she's gone and dating someone else, but that we are friends and I can talk to her any time I want if I so choose. So, instead of thinking about her, I just stop and remind myself to focus on getting a new girl. Still sucks though. Looking forward to the day when I wake up and don't think about her anymore because I've got another hottie laying next to me.

Robert7x · Feb 8, 2008, 01:21 PM

I think the reason people are stuck on their ex's for so long is because they refuse to let go and focus on their own life. They keep living the dream in which after certain time the ex will come back and everything will be the same. You all need to wake up from that dream. First of all even if they do come back there is no garauntee that they are the same person any more. And second of all, why would you even want them back after what you went through.

When you decide to let go and move on... that's when you realize how much better you are off without them. Why would you want to waste months on someone that is living their life to the fullest and not giving any thought on how you are? Don't you deserve better? Don't you want to be loved again? Decide now, Today, Weather you want to go through this another 5 months or say "I'm letting you go, and moving on today". Act on it, don't just dwell on the hope that will only make you sit in that hole you are in right now.

R

George_1950 · Feb 8, 2008, 01:28 PM

Meant to say, Robert has it exactly right, and that freakinconfused sounds like he needs someone else to make him happy, when I believe we are looking for internal healing, not external goodies. Nothing wrong with that; but I don't want to be dependent on someone else for my welfare and happiness.

Robert7x · Feb 8, 2008, 02:55 PM

I felt like I needed someone else to make me happy until I actually had some time to myself and realized I don't need anyone. I can be happy by myself by doing stuff I like and going places.

It's tough at first especially if you were in a relationship where you kept giving and giving and never getting anything in return. I was so dependend on my ex that I couldn't see myself living at all without her. It's not to say that I don't miss her anymore. I do, but I don't need her to be happy. I have everything I want in the world... Relationships will come and go... But I won't go anywhere. Nothing is certain in the world anymore; nothing can garauntee you that you'll be with a girl for the rest of your life.

That's why we need to live our lives for ourselves and only then will be find the true happiness and meaning of life.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 8, 2008, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by Robert7x

I felt like i needed someone else to make me happy until i actually had some time to myself and realized i don't need anyone. I can be happy by myself by doing stuff i like and going places.

That's why we need to live our lives for ourselves and only then will be find the true happiness and meaning of life.

This is ON POINT. Couldn't be more true if you tried.

I thought I needed my ex to be happy... then I spent some time by myself... went out with friends... went on a few dates... now I actually look forward to just chilling on my own. Watch the game with some pizza and beer? Couldn't be happier.

Ash123 · Feb 8, 2008, 03:20 PM

Originally Posted by sunshine79

So I'm only on day 2 of NC. And I do realize that this is the best thing to do for myself to move on. The only thing that hurts is in the back of my mind I feel like NC or space is just another way of saying it is really over. And if i am doing NC is he or does he just not want to talk to me?? The break up is still so fresh to me my mind is all mush. I still wake up thinking this is all a dream and that he is still getting ready to propose. I feel like my heart is being pulled out everday of NC....I admire all of you and want to be in your places right now too! please tell me this gets better...

It gets worse then better.. then worse... then better.

Please read the guide I created below. It may add some perspective

A

freakinconfused · Feb 8, 2008, 03:21 PM

I don't need anyone else to make me happy - that's ridiculous. Before I dated her I was single for about 2 and a half years and had no problem with it at all. I actually broke it off with the girl I was dating at the time because I was about to move off for college, and I wanted to be single. I just enjoy the company and comfort of being with a significant other.

And I don't WANT to think about my ex when I wake up. It's not like I wake up and say "ok, let's think about the ex now so that we get all sad and nostalgic." It doesn't work that way. It's like I wake up and the thought is already in my head. Instead of dwelling on it though, I just push it away. After about 10 minutes the thought is gone. I was simply saying that it would be nice if I could wake up and not think about her period.

roogirl · Feb 8, 2008, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by freakinconfused

I don't need anyone else to make me happy - that's ridiculous. Before I dated her I was single for about 2 and a half years and had no problem with it at all. I actually broke it off with the girl I was dating at the time because I was about to move off for college, and I wanted to be single. I just enjoy the company and comfort of being with a significant other.

And I don't WANT to think about my ex when I wake up. It's not like I wake up and say "ok, let's think about the ex now so that we get all sad and nostalgic." It doesn't work that way. It's like I wake up and the thought is already in my head. Instead of dwelling on it though, I just push it away. After about 10 minutes the thought is gone. I was simply saying that it would be nice if I could wake up and not think about her period.

I sometimes get frustrated with myself for thinking about my ex too, I still think of him a lot but I wish I wouldn't as well! Time will fix this, the only proplem with time is that it takes time.