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ISneezeFunny · Feb 5, 2008, 04:30 PM

ihatewestseneca... it's absolutely ridiculous how our stories are the same. By any chance... are you 5'8"? Possibly my doppleganger?

Anyway, my ex wrote me an e-mail... explaining our breakup. Then it went onto read just like your e-mail... she cares... she misses me... she understands if I don't talk to her... blah blah.

Don't write back. Seriously... what'll it do? You write back, say you're doing fine... then what? She'll either write back or NOT write back. Not worth it.

Just keep going... you know how well nc works. Good luck, keep me posted.

talaniman · Feb 5, 2008, 04:33 PM

Judging by her messages to that other guy, its hard to tell if she is interested in me anymore or not. So yeah, I think it would be easier if she would just say "No, i dont want to be with you anymore". Guess, ill just have to wait till she tries to contact me, if she does... haha, bad day...

This is what you wrote on Jan. 25th, and now we have a decision to make. Examine your own feelings, and motivations, and decide what you want to happen. A very good time to gauge where your at, in the healing process.

ihatewestseneca · Feb 5, 2008, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

ihatewestseneca...it's absolutely ridiculous how our stories are the same. by any chance...are you 5'8"? quite possibly my doppleganger?

Actually, I am 5'8''... creepy...

ihatewestseneca · Feb 5, 2008, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

This is what you wrote on Jan. 25th, and now we have a decision to make. Examine your own feelings, and motivations, and decide what you want to happen. A very good time to guage where your at, in the healing process.

True, but does it even seem like she's interested in the email... I can't be friends... not yet... I don't think I could listen to her tell me about her new guy... right now I'm still feeling like it should be all or none... so I think maybe I won't do anything until later on, when I'm better, or when I can be comfortable with her telling me she just wants to be friends.

ihatewestseneca · Feb 5, 2008, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

True, but does it even seem like shes interested in the email... i can't be friends... not yet... i dont think i could listen to her tell me about her new guy... right now im still feeling like it should be all or none... so i think maybe i wont do anything until later on, when im better, or when i can be comfortable with her telling me she just wants to be friends.

Good course of action..

ISneezeFunny · Feb 5, 2008, 06:24 PM

That seems like the only logical course of action.

She didn't really make an advance... a simple e-mail to see how you are... what you're up to.

You can do one of two things:

1. you can write her back a simple innocuous e-mail... but this may just turn into the "friends" category.

2. you can NOT write her back...

2a. With NOT writing her back, you run the risk of her not contacting you ever again.
2b. She could also respond by trying to contact you more and more.

My ex took the 2a route. Am I happy about it.. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing... it's just what happened. I guess time will tell.

kp2171 · Feb 5, 2008, 06:28 PM

Well...

Truth is much of what she wrote is true.

But you don't want her to hold that over you.

So...

What to do?

Well... I'm guessing this had NOTHING to do with wanting you back.

She's maybe feeling guilty... and some of it is probably true... she might actually give a damn about how you are doing, even if she doesn't want to date you again. Its really possible.

So...

You can do complete no contact... I mean she SAID she didn't expect anything... so why respond? Ill tell you why. You respond because you care about her and you want to keep the lines open. Period.

Which, really, is where you kind of are, right? I mean... if she shows up on your doorstep in the rain and begs you back, she's in your place in a heartbeat, right??

So... you can completely cut her out, which will speed up your getting over her (this is my suggestion) or you can reply with a brief message.

Something like "got your email. i am really fine. dont really need to be your buddy at this point. moving on. later"

This tells her you are not waiting for her and aren't begging for her to come back.

I know. I know. Its probably better for you to do no contact, as I mentioned.

Up to you.

The most important thing is to understand that her email has more to do with her, and less to do with you...

Either she's an evil witch who is just toying with you (dont think so) or she is over you but feels some regret over hurting you (which does NOT mean she wants back with you)...

So... do what you want.

Until she is pounding at your door telling you she needs to talk to you, well, she doesn't. Its over until then.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 5, 2008, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by kp2171

until she is pounding at your door telling you she needs to talk to you,

I'd be wary when she does this. My ex freshmen year in college did this... then it was simply to tell me she's officially with a new guy and she thinks she'll marry him.. . yep. Just don't open the door with both arms wide open and say YES I FORGIVE YOU!. until you've heard the whole thing.

... *shakes head* bad memories. Oof.

kp2171 · Feb 5, 2008, 06:35 PM

I agree...

I'm not saying take her back...

I am saying if she's coming back she has a lot of work to do.

And I agree... in this case, she isn't doing that anytime soon.

ihatewestseneca · Feb 5, 2008, 06:44 PM

Thanks guys... Its not like some hope was building up, but if I was left to think and think and think, I can bet some would... NC for me!

ihatewestseneca · Feb 5, 2008, 07:26 PM

Ugh, why did she do that? I'm trying to get some homework done, and I can't stop thinking about her... This sucks...

lunchboxau · Feb 5, 2008, 07:31 PM

Do you do/have anything that clears your mind?

I started running and it's a big help. I'm sure you have something that you like doing that you can focus on instead until you are right to come back and concentrate on your homework :)

N0help4u · Feb 5, 2008, 07:48 PM

I agree with Isneeze
If you write back she'll think yeah he still is missing me and it won't get you anywhere
Just lingering on to letting go longer.
If she is interested in getting back with you she will come out and ask if you want to get together.
She may have just thought of a special moment with you and had a sentimental moment that gave her the urge to write you.

ihatewestseneca · Feb 5, 2008, 09:33 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

This is what you wrote on Jan. 25th, and now we have a decision to make. Examine your own feelings, and motivations, and decide what you want to happen. A very good time to guage where your at, in the healing process.

Care to elaborate tal?

AustProd6 · Feb 6, 2008, 12:38 AM

Reply after a few days:
Hey. Nice to here from you. No need to be concerned. Moved on fine.
Keeping busy. New interests. Thanks anyway.

talaniman · Feb 6, 2008, 06:58 AM

care to elaborate tal?

I held off my response, to give you a chance to run the events through your mind, and see what you come up with. Not to put you off, but gauge where your at in the healing process. If you haven't gained the clarity of mind to deal with this female's confusion, then absolutely do Not contact her. That I think is your biggest question, and challenge. Can you cope with the emotions this has stirred up, the uncertainty, the confusion? Are you aware of any HIDDEN agenda, on your part?? Are you making a decision on facts? False hope?? Or curiosity?? Can you handle more rejection?? These are the questions you need to answer for yourself, honestly, before any decision, on a course of action, can be made. NC, should have led you to the point of making this decision. If not, then you have more work to do on you.

ihatewestseneca · Feb 7, 2008, 12:08 PM

This is what I'd like to send her... but I doubt it would do any good... I just wanted to write it I guess.

"Why...? Why would you send me an email knowing it would make things more difficult for me? I've been doing good. Been pretty busy. Lost almost 10 lbs.

Never mind, i think i know why you sent me an email... you still feel guilty, and you want me to tell you that im just fine so you can stop feeling guilty. A month may have been long enough for you to get over me and "fall in love" with someone else. But i actually loved you... and i can see now that the only love in our relationship was my own. You may have thought you "loved" me, but i think you were just in love with my company.

Its just a shame... 5 months of courting you around to make sure i was going to do the right thing, 6 months after telling you that i've fallen for you and that i honestly loved you, and 2 years of my complete commitment, trust, and anything else. its a shame you're too dependent, too needy, so incomplete... "Charlie, I need someone there" i didnt think much of that at first, but if you couldn't even give me 4 more months of waiting till we could be together again... The new guy must be Jesus, i mean, after a month you're "in love" with him, and that was a month over the phone... so don't give me that long distance crap... I really wish me telling you all this would make you think, but it won't... I mean, basically you cheated on me, you dated him while we were still together, who knows what else you did... I don't know... its just a shame that you can't be happy alone.

And please don't think you can understand what i feel/felt/going to feel... Has anyone every told you "Hey, thanks for the amazing 2 years, but I met this other person, and right now you're just not quite worth waiting for... "

...Look at the bright side though, I can walk away from this relationship a stronger person cus i know i did everything right, i did a great job, and that i gave it everything i had and more... what can you walk away knowing? that you're a player, that you can't commit, that you're a liar, that you're needy, that you're a quitter? the list goes on and on...

And heres the part that really gets me... I still want you... I still love you... and I don't know why..."

Romefalls19 · Feb 7, 2008, 01:13 PM

While that E-mail has made you feel better, I STRONGLY advise you against sending it. Why? Because you will look like a needy, depressed little b!tch to be blunt. Don't even respond, she isn't worth your time anymore. You said it perfectly about being able to walk away. If you need to find comfort in anything, just remember fate works both ways and she will one day feel the way you do now. Just let it roll man, let it roll

talaniman · Feb 7, 2008, 01:56 PM

Post it in "letters to your exes" on this forum, and leave it at that.

ihatewestseneca · Feb 7, 2008, 05:34 PM

I'm not going to send it... I just wanted to write it, but thanks for your concern. Sometimes, I feel like I just don't care anymore and I could be friends with her... but other times, I still can't believe she broke up with me... guess that means I have more work to do, haha.