[MIAPP]

Hello all,

My situation with my dad is nothing new. He doesn't have any bad habits such as alcohol or smoking. He has always provided for me and my sister financially. However, my mother is the only one I feel who wants to be there for me emotionally. My dad always seems to be carried away with ideas of making money, paying bills, gambling.. just money money money. Money is not everything in life, and he claims he is very religious and all, but anyone who is even remotely religious knows that money is essential, but also causes many problems in the world. I am an emotional person, who has a hard time whenever a fight or something goes wrong within my family or friends. It disrupts my mental state and I feel uneasy until the issue has been resolved.

My dad and I have an on/off relationship, many days we talk, one incident happens we both ignore each other. For example, two years ago, my friends came over to watch a football game and because I was cheering for a team that I never liked (only because I had a bet that they would win), he started picking on me right in front of my friends. This was utterly ridiculous, humiliating, and embarrassing. We got in a heated argument because he came over to me and started verbally saying things. He has no control over his anger. This has been his way of dealing with me since I was maybe 10. I pick a team, he always opposes it. When we used to play mini-golf he would purposely make fun of me and make me cry. He never allowed a comfort level to build up between us, and when my mom defends me he tries to shut her mouth by yelling at her, claiming it is 3(with addition to my sister) against 1.

2yrs. Ago.. my mom tried to play mediator and get us to have a face to face talk, but he would get upset with anything I said, try to twist into making me sound like I'm the bad person. He took my complaints and without putting effort into understanding and feeling what I'm feeling, he made them his complaints.

I have never been against anyone in my life. If I felt my dad was right, I would back him up, but most of the time when we disagree he always wants to have the last say. I am 26 yrs. Old, and have lived with my family for nearly 4 yrs now since I graduated from college. Just the other day during the superbowl he ridiculed my favorite team (NE Pats) and knew that would get me riled up. I responded because we both have thin skin, and again it happened in front of a crowd at our house. This time not as magnified. I apologized trying to end things peacefully(even though he started it), but he would have none of it. He pushed my hand away and refused to accept my apology. I felt heartbroken that my dad wants the drama to continue or his ego is too big that he can't accept my apology.

My mom always told me he was a stubborn man. Always doing only what he wants and he is selfish. I have grown up to see that, my 15 yr. old sister has seen that(even though he is better with her so far than he was with me). He is a gemini, so maybe split personalities? I honestly don't know how to explain this but I am disgusted to call that man my father. He has been more like a financial supporter for me, but not someone I can turn to for moral support. He has ruined our relationship and someday he will come out and say, look how ungrateful he is a son, I did all that for him and yet he can't talk to me normally on a daily basis! I'll be honest, it takes me a while to comfortably talk with my dad everyday, if at all we talk. We commute to work together but no mater how much I want to, I can't get myself to say 'hello' or 'how was your day dad?' to him. He has ruined that comfort zone throughout my life and now it seems unrepairable.

Any advice folks? I am likely to get married by early next yr and move out, until then I need to live with him and for the past couple days we haven't had many words. I am really upset this time, but another face to face conversation I feel will do me no benefit as he simply doesn't care or doesn't seem to want to understand. I would appreciate any words of wisdom or genuine advice from all of you who care! Thanks!

[MasuBhat]

Wow it's really a complicated one.. but there's nth much you can do about your father.. you can't change some though you still can try but only some succeed.

I'm sorry if I didn't wrote any useful stufs up there, but still congratulation on your marrige may you both live happly togeather.. and you be a better father than yoour father was.

Best wishes,