[painter23]

I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year now. We have a great relationship. Except for the fact that I let her past relationship control our relationship now. And I don't know what to do to get over it. I want to I want to just forget about it. Why can't I just let go of my stupid insecurities she is with me not him. Why can't I get over it

[rockerchick26]

How is her past relationship controlling your current relationship? Is she just talking about him a lot?

[TrueFaith]

If she doesn't bring him up then there shouldn't be a problem

If he was a good looking guy don't let that freak you out, I'm good looking and I've lost of chicks to not so looking guys ;) and there happy

As many people say looks are not everything.

You'll have to tell us what your problems are with him. But if you have just seen a pic of him and gone grrr. Then don't worrie man she is with you and not with him

Regards

[Fr_Chuck]

Do you bring it up ? Does she bring it up.

Why do you talk to her about it if you do ?

In the end, you have to let the past stay in the past or it will ruin your relastionship

[painter23]

How is her past relationship controlling your current relationship? Is she just talking about him a lot?

They are still friends. In the beginning of our relationship he crossed the line a lot. He doesn't anymore and he knows we are together. I really think I'm yhe only one who isn't over it. I hate that they are still friends

[painter23]

if she dosnt bring him up then there shouldnt be a problem

if he was a good looking guy dont let that freak you out, im good looking and iv lost of chicks to not so looking guys ;) and there happy

as many people say looks are not everything.

youll have to tell us what your problems are with him. but if you have just seen a pic of him and gone grrr. then dont worrie man she is with you and not with him

Regards

I don't know where to start. Things have gotten a lot better between him being weird. He called my apt complex to get my number to talk to her when we first started seeing each other. He bought her a valentines day present that she hid from me last year. She finally got rid of all of their pictures. That were put on a photo cd that I got as a present ( they were put there by accident) she said that they had a crappy relationship but they are good friends. I don't get it. I just don't see why she won't stop talking to him I know it sounds controlling but it would solve all of our problems

[painter23]

do you bring it up ? does she bring it up.

Why do you talk to her about it if you do ?

In the end, you have to let the past stay in the past or it will ruin your relastionship

I bring it up. She never does. We have talked about it and it ended with me saying who would you pick if I told you I wouldn't stay with you if he stays your friend kind of a move but that's kind of how I feel

[dansk]

Why does ex's have to be friends with your girl.. I don't get it.

It's over.. thats it!

Ex's need to give space and
Let people just be happy..
They had their chance..

If she's with you.. she should
Be into YOU no one else. This
Dude shouldn't be important.
Except he's the past that's all.

Why is it.. ex's only want to
Be around after they see you
Happily with someone else..

Man if I were you.. I would
Tell her str8 up how you feel
And tell this dude to stay away
Because it's making complications
In your relationship.

When ex's pop their heads into
Your rel there will be problems!

[Cheshire2008]

I think you should sit down and communicate how you feel . If she loves you she will be concerned .
Relationships have boundaries and it sounds like she has crossed many of yours
Honesty is the way to go Clear the air.
But make I statements with her do not be judgemental or point blame
Explain to her that when you do this " Fill in blank" I feel like this " fill in the blank"
If she understands but continues the behavior you have a bigger problem.
(If all else fails You can always get a bigger white board)

[TrueFaith]

yeah talk to her about it man. She sounds like she is keeping the X around just in case something happens. Keep things on the back burner.

tell her you feel upset about this and try and work a way round it

I know my girlfriend wouldn't like me talking to my X. and you wouldn do it to her

[Delow84]

Hmm for once I think I'm going to disagree with the majority. Now I have ex's who are best friends beyond compare. And that's IT. I mean years of knowing this person, and dating for maybe a few months... friendship wins out.

You say HE crossed the line. Has she? I mean not telling you about the valentine gift is one thing... But be sure that she knows how you feel, and if that seems to work, and he keeps crossing the line, tell HIM how you feel. Politely of course. Ex's can be friends, and if in this case that's all they are and all she wants, don't force her to make a decision between the two of you, its not a way to test her love, its away to abuse yours.

Talk to her, communicate, and trust her until she gives you reason not to.

[ISneezeFunny]

It really depends on how long they dated... and how long it's been.

I have a few exes that are friends... but this is 2 - 3 years AFTER we have broken up. And even then, we're not THAT good of friends... we'll grab lunch every few months... that type of thing.

[painter23]

Well we sat down and talked today. She emailed him and told him that it was hurting me that she was talking to him and that she chose me. Except now she thinks I'm trying to control who she hangs out with. I just want everything to work out. I know she loves me. I just got off a 6 month deployment and she waited for me the whole time and moved all our stuff into our apt while I was out to sea. I've only been back for a month and I don't think I've been doing a good job of letting her know that I still love her.

[Cheshire2008]

Great you are having honest open communication. Stop beating up on yourself. Asking for reassurance is not wrong. Not expressing your feelings would be wrong. You will be OK She sounds like she is trying to understand Just don't crowd her. Sometimes if you hold on too tight you cause what you are most afraid of to happen. Relax and give her space. It sounds like she knows you love her. You two can work it out together
It will be OK

[Brandino747]

i have been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year now. we have a great relationship. except for the fact that i let her past relationship control our relationship now. and i dont know what to do to get over it. i want to i want to just forget about it. why can't i just let go of my stupid insecurities she is with me not him. why can't i get over it

Oh , I was like this too! Even the mention of her on birth control would turn my stomach cause the thought of her doing another guy just didn't settle. Combat this as much as possible or it will ruin a perfect relationship. Seriously, this is serious stuff. Keep ALL lines of communicating open and you'll have nothing to worry about.

You are in her future, not her ex... he wasn't good enough for her (or she wasn't good enough for him)

Just remember who's her boy now, you!

[dansk]

I really hope things work out between you 2... Try to understand each other... what you want.. what she wants... both of you just trying to understand each others feelings toward this situation coming to 1 solution to be happy.

Good luck to you. :0

[talaniman]

I strongly advise you to seek help for your personal issues, before it destroys your life. This is your problem to deal with, not hers to put up with. I suggest this to you, in the strongest terms possible, Get help ASAP from a professional.

[Synnen]

I'm friends with almost all of my exes--and some of them were mutual breakups where we were GREAT as friends, and AWFUL in a relationship. Frankly, it was a relief to go back to being just friends with them.

Every time a guy has ever asked me to choose between him and my friends, regardless of whether I ever dated those friends or not, I chose my friends. Any guy who can't be secure in the fact that I'm with HIM, not the ex, is too much work.

It sounds like it would solve all of YOUR problems if they stopped talking--not HER problems. You're asking her to give up someone who gives her emotional support of a sort, and as long as she is no longer hiding anything from you (like the Valentine's thing from last year) and is being open and honest about the whole thing--then YOU are the one with a problem.

So... she's given up this friend to be with you. Who are you going to ask her to give up next? Her mother, when she raises any doubts about your relationship? Her female friends when they say you're being too controlling of who she can see?

In the meantime--who are YOU giving up being in YOUR life? It's only fair that you do, since you're demanding that she does.

If you can't get past this, it WILL ruin your relationship.