[imation]

OK,
There is a girl I have like for literally years! I've always had a special spot for her. But she has had bf's and I have had gf's at the same time, never at the same time always alternating, and so did this crush we had on each other she would like me when I was with someone, and I would like her when she was with someone. It was annoying.

So a long time has passed, and we've found ourselves single and on a date. It was amazing, the conversation, the glancing over at her and thinking the same thing and smiling, just a fantastic night.

But here's the problem.
The next day I found out that she hooked up with one of my friend a few times, a few months ago and was hanging around with his friends a lot taking drugs a lot and drinking a lot, now this guy she hooked up with is just disgusting, like you always expect attractive girls to be hooking up with guys far better looking than you but no... just.. not at all in this case (and it also wasn't about love or anything)

So how, knowing that she would stoop this low just for sex... and that she was taking drugs a lot (she doesn't anymore that part bothers me less) and she is now a smoker (that part doesn't bother me too much either) can I... pursue a relationship..
I feel that the perfect image of this girl I've wanted for so long is being clouded by her bad decisions... can I get over this and be with her?

[JBeaucaire]

That you ask these questions is great, but asking us all we can do is share our expereinces. In the end, our past and our advice may be useless to you. So I'll suggest you talk to yourself about these things from the outside.

Having crushes is fun. That's part of the mystique for you and her. But if the zigzagging is going to stop and you two consider a real relationship you have to get past all that right away and be honest with her like you would with any other date.

The point of dating is to get to know someone you already like. Liking them is irrelevant. You're testing to see if there is potential future, and for that you examine their past behaviors, and compare that to their current behavior.

You will have to date her exclusively for up to 6 months to know for sure that the person you are perceiving is the person you're dating. That's plenty of time for someone to reveal their true nature.

You're correct that the past may be less of a concern, you need to take your time with each other and judge who you are today. Go through some stuff together. You need to have some ups, some big downs, some disagreements, some fights, some makeups... the whole process. You're looking for the person who can do all those things with you and still not lessen who you are in the process. THAT is the person you stick it out with.

Since you've had girlfriends and aren't with them, you understand this process. Nothing is different with this girl just because you've liked her longer. Liking is irrelevant when making long-term judgements, REAL is relevant.

Take your time. Stay out of bed. That will just make it all impossible to judge.

[TmichelleO]

Everyone makes bad decisions every now and then whether you want to accept the person for their mistakes and flaws is entirely up to you... also from personal experience getting involved with someone who is on or was previously on drugs (if it has been within the last couple of months) is not someone I would get involved with either but again just my opinion!!

[imation]

everyone makes bad decisions every now and then whether or not you want to accept the person for their mistakes and flaws is entirely up to you.......also from personal experiance getting involved with someone who is on or was previously on drugs (if it has been within the last couple of months) is not someone I would get involved with either but again just my personal opinion!!!

Yeah the drugs things shocked me at first, but I feel confident that she is telling the truth about that all being in the past, and I'm also confident about the influence I have on her being able to get her into a better place if she does revert back to drugs.. I suppose I've got some thinking to do
Thanks

[duck22]

i feel that the perfect image of this girl i've wanted for so long is being clouded by her bad decisions... can i get over this and be with her?

I think that you may be putting this girl on a pedestal and making her something that she is not. Since you like her, you want to believe she is better then what she is. I think you should take a step back and reevaluate how you really feel about her. Is she really the girl you want to be with, or does your mind just tell you that. Follow your gut on this one. Hope everything works out for the best.

[talaniman]

Unless you can get over your fairy tale veiw of this female, and find out how you feel about her as a real person, you don't stand a ghost of a chance in making this work. Its up to you, and how you cope with the truth.