[wewed100606]

Oh, I will say that if the guy is rubbing in her face what he spent on things or what he bought her... that is pretty bunk. That is one of those times you take whatever he is that he is so proud of and light it on fire and say "next time keep the price tag to yourself".

He does sound like kind of a douche bag in that sense, but once again, consider the source!

I love you Kate... but you got to lose the poor me attitude... not attractive to anyone and it makes you look like a money grubbing hoochie mamma.

With the logic you and the other ladies on this board are using it sounds like a bunch of Communists. There is no ENTITLEMENT in life. The simple fact of life is you need to work for what you get. If you want more spending money, get another job, ask for a raise, refinance your debt, be pro-active... don't sit and b**ch about it and hope it gets better.

If there is one thing in this world I have no sympathy for it is people who complain about things that they have no willingness or motivation to change.

[Alty]

Everyone, I am basing my opinion on my experiences and also based on were I live. I don't live in the United States, I live in Canada. You are in a Common-law-marriage after you have lived together for a year (in Canada) the only difference between common-law and an actual marriage is the marriage certificate. If, after a year of living together in Canada you decide to split up, assets must be divided as if you were getting a divorce. My male cousin found this out the hard way and is now paying dearly. Yes, I am getting emotional about this issue. You are all men, I realize that you cannot begin to understand how a women thinks or feels (please, no snide remarks)

EuRa- Maybe I should take your advice and stop writing, you are correct, she never said she was paying towards a mortgage, but I cannot find anything that says she isn't, I just assumed that half the bills included the mortgage as she did state it is his house, even though she did say owns, that doesn't always mean paid for. I consider our mortgage as one of the bills, so I thought that her bills included a mortgage. Maybe she should be more specific about what she's actually paying for. Not that this info would change how you feel.

I think that we all have to agree to disagree, because even thought EuRa accused me of basing my response on my own life, I think we are all doing that to a large degree, that is were our opinions come from, our life experiences. I can't fault you your opinions, please show me the same courtesy.

[wewed100606]

EuRa - that comment from you is a little scary coming from someone in Vermont ;-) Keep it in your pants my man! I gots me a pretty lady!

[ISneezeFunny]

If, after a year of living together in Canada you decide to split up, assets must be divided as if you were getting a divorce. My male cousin found this out the hard way and is now paying dearly.

Can someone double check this? I'm not doubting you Altenweg... but if the above is true, then my life would have been screwed at least 3 times over by now.

After a YEAR? Holy moly...

[wewed100606]

Altenweg... I love you trying to dig out of this hole you have created, but even with Canada's One Year Common Law argument she still falls 5 months short by my count... that is unless Canada has a shortened calender also? LMFAO

[Alty]

wewed100606- I never said that they were common Law, or that they should be treated as such, just letting you know were I'm coming from.

As for digging myself out of a hole, why don't you jump in before I put the dirt back?

[TrueFaith]

Look at Atenweg getting all upset

What would your kids think of mommy acting like this?

Tut tut.

I feel sorry for your family :D

[wewed100606]

Then why are we talking about common law? Why is it even a topic of discussion on this board? Not even close in any of the United States and doesn't qualify in Canada? Why am I even reading the words Common Law fifty times on this post? People need to stick with the facts... man do things get out of control when we let ladies run amuck with their emotions! HAHA! J/K Ladies! Damn have a little fun!

As for the hole... sounds kind of tempting... but with your Canuck Brain Trust you would have a tough time figuring out what to do with the earth my body displaced... and I can't stand to see any more smoke rolling out your ears ;-)

Take care my Canadian Comrade... god bless you for giving us Wayne Gretzky and good beer!

[wewed100606]

Kate,
Sorry, in this whole mess I think most of us forgot to answer your question. My take is this. No, he is not cheap. No, you are not greedy. You guys need to decide whether eachothers finances are any of eachothers business at this point. Maybe they shouldn't be. It sounds like you are young enough that you are still trying to get your feet on the ground. Just worry about you. And the advice to move oout if you can't afford it, good advice. Then the decision will be up to him whether your company is worth him dropping a couple hundred more bucks a month to make it work. One thing is for certain though, before you guys go to the next level, which would be engagement/marriage. You both need to know everything about eachothers finances. From the sounds of it I wouldn't be surprised if your BF has 10 times the debt you do... he just makes enough to ride the minimums and live the high life. It is the American way... debt laden and cash poor. Hey, you only live once, but know what you are getting into before you pull the trigger. If you ask me you both are making an issue out of a non-issue. If you are bickering about who spent more on Christmas presents it probably isn't a very solid relationship. He must be hung like Mr. Ed and you must be nothing short of Jessica Biel for this thing to have gotten this far!

[Alty]

True Faith- your opinion doesn't mean anything to me, I only listen to people I respect. I think you already know how little I respect you, largely because of the post about your girlfriend and how she's not pretty enough for a hot stud like you. That's in the past, which is were I'm leaving you.

wewed100606- You probably think that all the smoke coming out of my ears is going through the smoke hole at the top of my Igloo. I'll take your comment with a grain of salt, which is how I hope you intended it. Oh, by the way I've lived in Canada since I was 4 years old but I am still a German citizen, so in theory, I gave you even better beer than you thought, and some pretty great soccer players too.

[EuRa]

I can't give you more rep, but that's another great post wewed. The one above this one. Excellent stuff!

PS - :P

[wewed100606]

Thanks! You are right about the beer, but soccer is for ninnies! And come on... we all know there is no broadband internet service in an igloo! :-) Take care Altenweg... I am happy for you and your marriage and how well it seems to have worked for you! You just got to take us men with about ten grains of salt... we like gettin' you girls all worked up... it is good entertainment... especially on here when you can't five fingers to the face us or initiate a game of one sided South Park rochambeau :-)

[TrueFaith]

It works so easy as well ;)

Rochambeau for the god damn win!

[Alty]

Wewed100606- Not a big fan of soccer myself, just stating fact. Love the comment about internet service in my igloo. It's -30 degrees celsius right now and has been for the last week, right now this is the only entertainment I have, and gosh darn it has been entertaining. As for the ten grains of salt, only if I can pour it on a wound (just joking). I think we're all a bit more outspoken when we don't have to face the people we're arguing with. Having said that, I do believe we all have a right to the opinions we've posted, sorry if I was a bit snarky, you guys always seem to be able to raise my ire. Good luck to all of you.

[wewed100606]

Yeah, one more thing before you squeek away, KEEP THAT F'ING COLD AIR UP THERE!! I am in MN and you are sending god damned 50 degree below windchills up my tailpipe... knock it off!

[Alty]

Oh if only I could control the weather, do think I'd be waisting my time talking to you guys?;) Not only that, then I'd have the power to make you all agree with me. Nope, no power here. Toodles.

[nadia999]

I live in Canada, and these are the rules in Canada (common law marriage after 6months of living together) to protect women from men who wants to take their precious fertile years in vain. I know this guy who was living with his girlfriend for 2 years and I guess there was some sort of abuse, when the police was called she took the apartment form him and he was told to by the police that "she gave you her time that means something! and she had no place to stay", he was so mad but he shouldn't have let her move in with him to take her time and money and now he is paying for it. Women carry babies in their tummies for 9 long months and they go through a lot more than men, a man can have babies at any time in his life if he was single but if an older single woman wants a baby she has to spent a fortune to make that happen so women's time is way precious than men's.
I am sure if this woman had a baby and while she can't work to deliver the baby he is going to ask for her share and when she is not able he is going to split, what are her rights there?
This man won't be someone else after marriage he is the same guy, in a relationship you act upon your feelings , so if he doesn't feel her stress now what makes him feel it later, you don't want the other person to be stressed out while you're enjoying your money, Gosh is she having sex with this man or even kiss him?
No wonder why the divorce rate is so high

[ISneezeFunny]

women's time is way precious than men's.

Say what the who to the hey now?

... you MUST be shrooming.

A woman's time is more precious than a man's time..

First of all, how old are you? Second of all, who taught you this crap?

Why is someone's time more precious than those of others? How did that come into play? Not only that, how does that even relate to this topic?

... because a woman's time is more precious than a man's... she should be able to pay less rent.. what?

[Sand Daddy]

I strongly disagree, and so does any town or state law.

For example, let's assume I make 100K a year, but I own a very little house on a tiny piece of property. Let's also assume I live next to another man, call him "Peter", who makes 50K a year, but has a house 4 times the size as mine, on a size of land 4 times the property.

The town charges taxes to everyone, that isn't based on what you earn, it's based on what you own and use.

She uses half the house, half the electric, half of all the utilities. She is responsible for half of the payments.

I'm not sure why this is so hard to understand. I hate this "you make more so you pay more" theory. What if she made a million dollars a year, and he made 9 million dollars a year. She he pay 90% simply because he makes 90% of the household income, despite the fact that she'd be able to pay her half of the rent without problem?

This has nothing to do with the fact that he earns money. It has everything to do with the fact that she's having a hard time affording her half of everything. The easy way out is through him, which is unfair on his part. I feel bad for this guy.

Nicely said and would be appropriate if they were just roommates. (out of context)


It seems to me that everyone is missing the most important issue here. This is a relationship, not a business and certainly not a roommate vs roommate situation.

The fact still remains that the girl is primarily at fault for entering into an agreement short of doing the math first! (Extremely irresponsible)

The fact also remains that contracts and agreements can and will always remain subject to change.

The fact also remains that these two need to amend the agreement or terminate it!

The fact also remains that spinning the issue into a sexist issue is absurd!

The fact also remains that it is short sided at best to expect your significant other to pull equal financial weight $$$ with such a significant difference in earnings, regardless of who the bread winner is!

My advice still stands and is based solely on the premise of providing a viable solution, base your financial responsibility on a percentage of earnings vs $ for $... or terminate the arrangement.

[twinkiedooter]

I asked some real men about this situation and they all agreed with me about him taking advantage of her financially. They are mature men, both married and unmarried, who are of the "old school" who believe in treating women with respect. They all agreed it was a con game pure and simple. She may have been naïve and did not have this game pulled on her before and was thinking with her heart instead of her head. My one male friend called it a con game played by sadistic sh*ts. It's done all over. He's seen it a lot where he lives (in a foreign country).