[talaniman]

Seven years, is the common law standard in most states. And there are no rules for living together, and if you can't afford to live in a place, you talk about it, and get someplace you can afford. This guy is upfront, and honest, about what he expects, so she needs to get with the program, or get gone. Or get married.

[EuRa]

I like how the people who think he should pay more only thing that way because he makes more money. Mostly women I believe. Do you seriously listen to yourself speak?

She had an agreement before she moved in. She changed her mind several months after. How is it his fault that she changed her mind!


Sneeze is right

my answer: no, you're not being reasonable. He IS being a bit immature and rude by shoving it in your face, but for you to expect/want him to pay more... is being unreasonable.

If she had a disagreement about payment, then this should have been discussed seven months ago. Doing it now is a little too late. If you don't like it, move out.

[TrueFaith]

That just made me laugh so much what she said
About the 7 months means your kind of married

There are some scary people out there :P

Damn!

[Alty]

that just made me laugh so much what she said
about the 7 months means your kinda married

there are some scary people out there :P

Damn!

True Faith: Obviously it doesn't take much to amuse you. I think the difference of opinions here is largely based on sex (male versus female). For the first few years of my marriage I had a higher paying job, worked longer hours and still came home at night to make dinner, clean the house etc.etc. I also paid the majority of the bills with my paycheck. Now you men out there will say that this scenario is different because I was married, well I would have done the same if we were just living together because I love him and want to help him any way I can, that's what a relationship should be about. This guy obviously doesn't give a darn if he leaves her with only $50 spending money every month while he's going out buying new cars etc. You are right about one thing though, she should leave his cheap !#* asap, she deserves better.

[EuRa]

True Faith: Obviously it doesn't take much to amuse you. I think the difference of opinions here is largely based on sex (male versus female). For the first few years of my marriage I had a higher paying job, worked longer hours and still came home at night to make dinner, clean the house etc.etc. I also paid the majority of the bills with my paycheck. Now you men out there will say that this scenario is different because I was married, well I would have done the same if we were just living together because I love him and want to help him any way I can, that's what a relationship should be about. This guy obviously doesn't give a darn if he leaves her with only $50 spending money every month while he's going out buying new cars etc.

In your situation, those would be your terms of the agreement. Each agreement is different.

In the original argument, her terms were 50/50. She can't change it now, espcially 7 months later. Once an agreement is reached, that's it. If she really didn't like the terms of the agreement, then she should have made that an issue in the very beginning, or not moved in at all. Her fault entirely.

He's not obligated in any little way to pay more. You can't pretend to be in his shoes because you have no idea how he feels. We have to go by what we KNOW to be true.

The only thing we all on this forum know for sure, is that she originally agreed to pay for 50% of everything. That was the deal, and she accepted it. It's her responsibility to pay 50%. It shouldn't be any harder than that.

[Alty]

EuRa- Actually, you're wrong, my original agreement was 50/50, then my husband got laid off and had to find a new job where he was making 35% less than before. Circumstances change and people should be allowed to make new arrangements when that happens. Like so many other people on this site I have to reiterate, she is his girlfriend, not his roommate, if he loves her than why is he doing this to her? Also, if she is paying half then half the house should belong to her, otherwise she is just paying his mortgage so that he can own his own house. It's the same as her buying a new car under her name for which he has to pay half even though he has absolutely no ownership of that vehicle. Sweet deal for him, not so much for her, and that's the major issue for me.

[ISneezeFunny]

I agree that women are all saying HE SHOULD PAY MORE!. why?

Why would the guy pay more? I don't understand this society of how everything should be equal, but hey, when it becomes "unfair," usually to the minority race/gender/social class, let's cut some slack.

Let me bring up my original example. As a surgeon, I make roughly $200k a year. It took me 4 years of college, 4 years of med school, a year of internship, 4 years of residency, and 2 years of fellowship to get there. I've racked up $200k in loans alone.

... why would I give out ANY sort of money to ANYONE? It's not a "rule" that I should. As I said before, if my girlfriend made significantly less, I'd offer to help out... that's not an issue. However, if she "expects" me to pay more or starts complaining that I don't pay more... f. that.

I'd like to ask the females here that say that the guy should pay more... and be honest with me:

How many of you actually have a boyfriend?
Does your boyfriend pay for a lot of things?

[EuRa]

EuRa- Actually, you're wrong, my original agreement was 50/50, then my husband got laid off and had to find a new job where he was making 35% less than before. Circumstances change and people should be allowed to make new arrangements when that happens.

Then I'm still not wrong. You had an agreement, then you both agreed to alter the agreement. You both had to agree to change it. That's how it works. 2 parties, working together, coming to a conclusion, then sticking by it.

In the original problem, she wants to change the agreement, he doesn't want to and doesn't have to. So no change. I still don't see how that's wrong. She chose to move in. That was her decision. Her decision was half of everything. SHE MADE THAT DECISION! It was agreed upon. That's that.

She wants to change it, but he doesn't. So nothing changes. He's not forcing her to live with him. That's her choice. She can move out any time she wants to. But if she took him to court, and demanded him to pay more money, the judge would tell her she's stupid. Legally, he doesn't have to pay a penny more. This is a legal matter. If they got married, things would change.

Women are letting their emotions control their decision making... sheesh.

[Sand Daddy]

First and foremost is this...

You made an agreement to pay half. If you didn't do the math first, that’s your loss but the agreement needs amending before you two destroy what you built.

Equal doesn't always have to mean the same amount of money.

In any house hold with multiple incomes, bill paying should be equal with regards to percentages of earned income. What this means is you both should be paying an equal percentage of the bills based on your unequal incomes.

In the end, your man will be spending more money on the bills, but the percentage of the two incomes spent on the bills will be equal and reasonable.

Just remember, it should be based on equal percentages of each income and not on equal dollars brought to the table. To do otherwise would be mathematically impossible in the long run and will certainly create additional acrimony!

[EuRa]

...why would I give out ANY sort of money to ANYONE? It's not a "rule" that I should. As I said before, if my girlfriend made significantly less, I'd offer to help out...that's not an issue. However, if she "expects" me to pay more or starts complaining that I don't pay more...f. that.

KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS!!

The man. Right here. ^^

[EuRa]

In any house hold with multiple incomes, bill paying should be equal with regards to percentages of earned income. What this means is you both should be paying an equal percentage of the bills based on your unequal incomes.

In the end, your man will be spending more money on the bills, but the percentage of the two incomes spent on the bills will be equal and reasonable.

Just remember, it should be based on equal percentages of each income and not on equal dollars brought to the table. To do otherwise would be mathematically impossible in the long run and will certainly create additional acrimony!

I strongly disagree, and so does any town or state law.

For example, let's assume I make 100K a year, but I own a very little house on a tiny piece of property. Let's also assume I live next to another man, call him "Peter", who makes 50K a year, but has a house 4 times the size as mine, on a size of land 4 times the property.

The town charges taxes to everyone, that isn't based on what you earn, it's based on what you own and use.

She uses half the house, half the electric, half of all the utilities. She is responsible for half of the payments.

I'm not sure why this is so hard to understand. I hate this "you make more so you pay more" theory. What if she made a million dollars a year, and he made 9 million dollars a year. She he pay 90% simply because he makes 90% of the household income, despite the fact that she'd be able to pay her half of the rent without problem?

This has nothing to do with the fact that he earns money. It has everything to do with the fact that she's having a hard time affording her half of everything. The easy way out is through him, which is unfair on his part. I feel bad for this guy.

[Alty]

EuRa - Yikes, hold on a minute, I'm not saying he should pay more because he's a man, I'm saying he should pay more because he makes more, if she made more than she should pay more. I think that the amount you pay should be based on how much you make, It should be an equal percentage from each paycheck so that the person making less doesn't end up living in poverty while the higher paycheck parties it up. You are also missing my biggest point, is she listed as part owner of this house, or is it in his name only? If she isn't listed than why should she pay half of something she will never own, that's simply not fair. And if he doesn't want to put her down as part owner then she shouldn't be expected to pay half of his mortgage. To me that is the major issue.

To answer your other question, I have been married for almost 13 years, my husband and I have been together for 18 years, we have two children and a small mortgage left on our house. When my first child was born 9 years ago we decided that I would stay at home and raise him. In the last 9 years I've had a few part time jobs but each time too much childcare responsibility falls on his shoulders he asks me to once again stay at home with the kids. I am a college graduate, a commercial auto underwriter by trade. Right now my husband pays for everything because I do not have an income, however, I do have a job. I've done everything from janitorial work to working in a large office for a very high power company, and being a stay at home mom is hands down the most difficult job I've ever had. Oh, and by the way for the first few years of our marriage I paid the majority of the bills and took care of our home as well. Should he be allowed to keep all his money because he is the one earning it? Am I entitled to anything in your eyes? If not then I am truly grateful he doesn't share you point of view.

[ISneezeFunny]

Altenweg: I don't disagree with the agreement you and your husband had. In fact, I endorse it. I will never experience it, but I do agree with being a mother/wife that takes care of the house/kids is a tough job. In fact, salary.com calculated that a stay-at-home mom would make roughly $140k a year if they factored all the jobs she did around the house.

When a couple is married, and one person decides to stay home to tend to the housework, the children, etc. then I wholeheartedly agree that the breadwinner should take care of the family financially.

This specific case right now, is talking about a relationship. A dating relationship that hasn't even reached an anniversary. Let's say that she doesn't own the house... so what? Paying rent isn't about ownership, it's about utilizing whatever it is. You're telling me it's not fair that he gets to own it... well, in that case, I say it IS fair because he came up with the down payment for the house AND is paying for home insurance + mortgage and is liable for whatever happens to the house in the future. Will she pay for the termite protection? Will she pay for the new paint job? I... really doubt that. It's his house... he could have charged her 75% of the mortgage... all she had to do was say YES or NO.

I think a line is being blurred here in that people are saying that because they "love" one another, it should be equal. I completely disagree. If I followed that logic, I'd be so broke by now by the number of girls I've dated that I wouldn't have enough to pay my tuition.

Following this "love" logic, then why don't they just put their savings account + checking account together? I mean... that's equal right? There's a reason people keep separate checking accounts until they actually GET married.

[TrueFaith]

Pay more because he makes more?

Equal percentage from each pay check? So if I'm on 200k a year and my girlfriend OK girlfriend. Who is working at hooters or something like that is on 24k dollars a year
I swear that is the most messt up thing I have ever heard

You guys are married nad have kids it's a totally different thing? Can't you see that


If she can't pay the price don't be in the relationship simple as that.
The guy owes her nothing.

[talaniman]

To be clear, there are no set rules for common law marriages, and only a few states even recognise them, so lets put it where it belongs, between the two partners. If she agrees to half, then its half. That simple, and she can leave whenever she feels like it. The moral of the story, is be careful with the deal you negotiate.

Common Law Marriage FAQ

[EuRa]

I'm saying he should pay more because he makes more, if she made more than she should pay more. I think that the amount you pay should be based on how much you make

I know. I've known your position this whole time. I never said you said or I said it was because he was a man. Not once. I know your position. I disagree. If they were married, then I'd agree with you.

You are also missing my biggest point, is she listed as part owner of this house, or is it in his name only? If she isn't listed than why should she pay half of something she will never own, that's simply not fair. And if he doesn't want to put her down as part owner then she shouldn't be expected to pay half of his mortgage. To me that is the major issue.

If this is your biggest point, then stop writing. She never said she was paying towards a mortgage. She never even said she was paying rent. She is paying only 1/3 of all the bills (despite her 1/2 agreement), her insurance, her car payments, and her college bills. No mortgage. No rent. You are pulling things out of thin air.


As for the rest of your quote, all that is your life. It does not pertain to this issue. What you do and who you make agreements with is all your issues. It has no bearing on this subject.

[Alty]

ISneezeFunny- Okay, maybe I am basing my opinion a bit too much on relationships I have witnessed. I have a friend who has been with her common-law spouse for 8 years now, they don't plan on getting married because he says "It's just a piece of paper, we don't need it". She is 26 years old (allot younger than me) and he is 32 years old, they have two children 5 and under, she makes 1/3 the income he does and also works the night shift full time (6pm until 4am). She pays for half the mortgage, all the groceries, all the children's things (clothes, schooling, diapers etc.etc.) They split the bills 50/50. He has his own car which he pays for and so does she. She is solely responsible for the kids (getting them to school, doctor, dentist, cooking, cleaning etc.) They recently remodeled their home and she paid for all the renos. He is solely responsible for the yearly property tax which amounts to $1800.00/year. Last year she found out that the property tax had not been paid for two years and they were threatening to go to court. She advised him that he was behind and he said that he couldn't afford to pay (he recently bought two snowmobiles, another car, a plasma TV etc. all of which he consider solely his property) therefore she paid the property tax with her tax refund so that they could avoid going to court, he has no intention of paying her back. I could go on and on but this post is already to long. In my opinion he is a dead beat This relationship is what I'm basing my opinion on. Once a cheapskate always a cheapskate. I will however admit that my opinion is largely based on what I see happening in the future for this couple and not so much for the present and that is where I partially agree with you, they have only been together for a short time, but I don't think things will change the longer they are together, and that's what worries me. Hope this makes sense.

[EuRa]

To be clear, there are no set rules for commom law marriages, and only a few states even recognise them, so lets put it where it belongs, between the two partners. If she agrees to half, then its half. That simple, and she can leave whenever she feels like it. The moral of the story, is be careful with the deal you negotiate.

Common Law Marriage FAQ

AGREED

[wewed100606]

Holy horse s**t! This board is crazy!! Absolutely the most amusing posts I have read on here in my short time.

My Two Cents

Has anyone, including the poster, thought that maybe this guy is trying to make a point and feel the girl out? I know that if I had my life on track, owned my own home, was making close to 6 figures and I had a girl I was serious enough about wanting to move in, I would feel her out.

You all have points that need to be taken into consideration. Yes, they are dating, no, they are not married, yes they are roomates that happen to have wild kinky nookie after a steamy Grey's Anatomy episode.

Let's look at this from this guys perspective once. He obvioulsy likes this girl a lot, he is possibly even in love. He has worked hard to get where he is and is probably thinking about settling down. Otherwise I promise he wouldn't be letting the girl move in. NOTICE THE VERBAGE! LETTING HER MOVE IN! IT IS HIS HOUSE!

The man might have marriage on his mind. He obviously isn't a dumb person. He probably knows from everything out there in the world that $$$ is the number one cause of things going south. He is trying to see if she intends on being a team player. I do not need to remind any of you how many woman, and no not all, get lazy and complacent when they get married. The man is protecting his . He doesn't want to pop the question just for her to say she isn't happy with her job then quit and take two years to find something else while he works his a** off paying the debt off that she brought into the marriage.

The man is being smart. He is testing her character and her work ethic. He doesn't want to be a crutch for her. He wants her to excel in life. He wants her to prove to him that she has her priorities straight and isn't going to be a free loader.

Her situation hasn't changed since the agreement was made. She needs to realize that her debt is there because of her and if she cannot pay it off, it is her bag of worms. If she had signed a lease could she renegotiate?

This is just ridiculous... what they earn shouldn't even be a factor... period. What if she didn't know his salary? Maybe he really makes $200K HA! Then your really gettin' taken for a ride?

Hey, for all you ladies with the twisted logic, next time your go out to eat with your girlfriends make sure you ask the one who has the highest salary to pick-up a higher % of the tab! HAHAHAHA!

P.S. Just so we are clear, if they were married I believe everything goes family mode. His is hers, hers is his, all is theirs. I don't believe in not being equals on everything in a marriage. Nothing should be held over anyone's head no matter what the differential.

[N0help4u]

Many guys like throwing in your face what they did for you even when you may have done way more for them. I know girls that their boyfriend lives with them and they support their boyfriend.
Then if they do one thing for the girl like paint the living room they want to hold it over them for a year or more.
If 'n when you know you are ready and able tell him you can't afford to live with him anymore and you are moving out --but be prepared to move if he says 'see ya'.
He sounds like he may just want somebody to pay his bills so he has his play money.