[laurlaurlum]

Hey all. I dated my boyfriend from high school all through my senior year and we planned on not breaking up for college. He broke up with me the final night however after I brought the issue up but we agreed to stay friends. About a month into college, he started calling a lot and basically hinted that he wanted to get back together. So we did, although it bothered me he wouldn't put In a Relationship on Facebook. But he broke it off again right before Christmas break. Im not sure why, it might have been the distance or the fact that we had some arguments. He did still want to see me and be friends and it eventually led to friends with benefits. I knew that was so stupid but I thought he'd come back. We've been doing that since then. Im in my second year of college. Last summer after fighting over getting back together, I broke it off right before school, but we ended up talking again 2 months later and this past Christmas we spent a ton of time together. He was extra lovey dovey and seemed more attached than usual. He invited me to his family parties which my parents thought was weird since Im not his girlfriend. His Mom even introduced me as "his girlfriend" to her friends but he said well you're not later when I remarked on that.

He does care about me, its obvious to our parents and my friends and such. He tells me Im his best friend and such, which I believe because we tell each other everything. Our 'friends with benefits' is really us being together without calling it that, and he knows that too, because last summer he said he felt like he'd been "dumped" I have talked about what would happen after college but he's getting his masters probably at his school and I want to go into a field that doesn't have that many grad schools. When I said "well after college this is off" he just goes "is that a threat?" he said he'll come visit me at grad school too. He did once say he loved me last year (he let it slip when I went to the hospital) but never again said it and whenever I bring it up if he loves me or not he goes "no comment" or "Im not answering that"

I initiated NC again. I sent him an email this time. Last time I did it on the phone but I didn't want to do that again because I didn't want to hear him him get all sad yet not want to be committed. I explained myself thoroughly in the email saying I couldn't be just friends with him and I didn't want to waste anymore time on him since he showed no intention of us getting back together now or in the future. That if he loved me he would want to be with me and that's it. His response was "Im sorry, you know I do care about you and you're my best friend- I wasnt lying about that. I dont know what the future has in store. I dont know what I want to do." 4 days later I did tell him to delete an old friend of mine off his Facebook. This girl has hated me for a long time and only looks at his profile to get info on me, I know this for a fact. I told him a million times to do it (even while we were dating) and it shouldn't have been a big deal because they hardly know each other. He responded going "why do u care I thought u didnt want to be my friend why are you looking at my facebook" (I didn't, I saw him under mutual friends on this girls profile page I haven't allowed myself to look at his) and I just said "I didnt I just wanted you to finally delete her is all" then on AIM a day later he imed me and said "I removed her" and I just said thank you and he never said anything after that and Im glad he didn't.

I dated him officially for a little over a year and then unofficially for a year and a half and we were friends before. I cannot imagine my life without him. It doesn't help I haven't met many guys here at college either. I have had a lot of guys like me. I did like other guys- (of course nothing compared to my ex, Ive never found that again) just all the guys I happen to like don't like me back. It also doesn't help now I am having roommate problems, and I cannot get a new one. I have also lost a lot of friends this semester due to college girls being catty and me not so much. I do have remaining friends left whom Im close to. I am busy and I have started improving myself but I still think about him constantly.
Is NC right in this situation? I won't lie, I am partially doing it to bring him back. I do think it has helped me a bit so far, I just am having a harder day. He has a hard time dealing with his emotions and he hardly ever expresses them. His previous 2 girlfriends really screwed him over. The first one dumped him for a horrible guy and the second one had a depression problem and threatened to commit suicide after he broke up with her. We are also a long ways apart. He goes to college a long ways away and I wouldn't see him again until May anyway (and he could get an internship in another state. If that was the case he'd be home for like a month) This has never bothered me, I want a LDR. He is also acting hurt so I don't think he would contact me as long as he is hurt. Do you think there is ever a chance of him coming back

[George_1950]

laurlaurlum writes: "Is NC right in this situation? I wont lie, I am partially doing it to bring him back." NC really isn't to bring someone back, IMOP; it is to heal the owner's heart and allow for time and circumstances to get back on one's feet.
laurlaurlum writes: "...That if he loved me he would want to be with me and thats it. His response was "Im sorry, you know I do care about you and you're my best friend- I wasn't lying about that. I don't know what the future has in store. I don't know what I want to do."
If you trust him, then believe him, right? Just my opinion, but it seems he is looking elsewhere and that my be for the best at this point in your lives.

[Bluerose]

You actually want a relationship with this guy? Sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants. I can't believe you want this guy back after the way he treated you. You probably only got invited to his families house because his mother told him to invite you. We mothers are like that, we want to see our sons and daughters in nice relationships. But the reality is he doesn't want to be with you. Take the hint and get on with your own life. And stop abusing the no contact rule.

[talaniman]

Your good at holding on, but this is one time you, need to let go, and get your own healthy life.

[thegirlishurting]

Sounds like a rollercoaster ride.

You two seem to be not good with expressing your feelings. Its full of dramas and its something I find very toxic. There's no benefit on forcing yourself to someone who can't commit.

Guys don't dwell too much on emotions therefore if you want something out of the relationship, say it. You want a LDR? How about him? But take note that its takes lots of maturity and dedication to make it work, with the sound of your on-off relations, it's a looong way to go. Good luck!

[peggyhill]

I think you should move on. It doesn't sound like he wants an actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you. He sounds like he isn't ready for a commitment. No need to waste anymore time on someone like him.

Consider seeing a counselor to work through your feelings about the relationship. It might also help you with the stress that your roommate problems/friend problems have caused.