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HistorianChick · Jan 29, 2008, 10:31 AM

I love to travel as much as the next "bitten-by-the-travel-bug" person, but I've found that while I can ignore the heartache in a bistro in Europe or a beach in Mexico, it's the coming home to the same old same old that is hard. I've done the whole "get on a plane and go" in attempts to forget... and I certainly enjoyed it.

Have you considered changing your "same old same old?" Redecorating your apt doesn't always have to break the bank. A fresh coat of paint, some new throw pillows, etc (yes, My name is HistorianChick and I am addicted to throw pillows.)

You just may need a change of scenery - something new just for you. Something that doesn't remind you of your ex.

Just a thought, for what its worth.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 29, 2008, 10:38 AM

I have trouble eating alone at a restaurant, let alone travel by myself.

My vacation's coming up in March. I had originally planned to go to Alaska with the ex. That's not happening no more.

Any tips on traveling alone and actually having fun? I feel like I'll have a good time enjoying the scenery, and then hate myself for being there.

Robert7x · Jan 29, 2008, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by HistorianChick

I love to travel as much as the next "bitten-by-the-travel-bug" person, but I've found that while I can ignore the heartache in a bistro in Europe or a beach in Mexico, its the coming home to the same old same old that is hard. I've done the whole "get on a plane and go" in attempts to forget.... and I certainly enjoyed it.

Have you considered changing your "same old same old?" Redecorating your apt doesn't always have to break the bank. A fresh coat of paint, some new throw pillows, etc (yes, My name is HistorianChick and I am addicted to throw pillows.)

You just may need a change of scenery - something new just for you. Something that doesn't remind you of your ex.

Just a thought, for what its worth.

The problem is this apartment we got together for us. I never lived there alone until now. I took all the paintings and some pictures that she put up down and threw them away. I changed it a little, but not by much. I was thinking about painting the walls and getting some different furniture... but then I realized, my lease expires in may... I don't want to stay at this place anyway.

So I don't want to get anything new for this place... I'll just buy new stuff for the new one, that way I can also just have it delivered there...

As far as traveling... I love going places, but not alone... never alone. It blows. Only person I traveled with was her and it sucks now when I think about all the places we went together it just brings back memories.

We were planing on going to europe this march but she went without me anyway way ahead of time. I talked to my friend, and since both of us are crotch-rocket-biker boys... we are going to take a long trip from Midwest to California on a bike in March... Just for the heck of it... IT will be like that movie Wild hogs with John Travolta, only we don't have those Harley bikes...

Should be interesting.

Robert7x · Jan 29, 2008, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

I have trouble eating alone at a restaurant, let alone travel by myself.

My vacation's coming up in March. I had originally planned to go to Alaska with the ex. that's not happening no more.

Any tips on traveling alone and actually having fun? I feel like I'll have a good time enjoying the scenery, and then hate myself for being there.

I know what you mean... I can't go anywhere alone... it' just blows... makes me depressed and sad. You should do what Mr. Bean did... bring the camera, mess with people and just enjoy the scenary... I can't do it though...

HistorianChick · Jan 29, 2008, 10:51 AM

Well, I adore traveling alone. Actually, I spent two years teaching at a major University in China - and I did it alone. (Traveled alone, that is. Once I got there I was part of a team of foreign teachers.) On weekends, I would hop a plane and spend a few days trekking Beijing, the Great Wall, Forbidden City, shopping, etc.

I think the only way you can enjoy traveling alone is by enjoying being alone. I mean, I can lose myself in the portraits in an art museum, the monuments at a Civil War battlefield, the melody of music through my mp3 player, and many countless versions of "being alone."

I've been in all the different types of relationships that you can possibly imagine: I've been jilted at the altar, in a long-distance military relationship, dated guys years (actually decades :) ) older than myself, dated younger guys, fallen head over heels in love, been betrayed, been lied to, been adored, broken hearts, mended hearts... you name it... its happened to me.

What did it all teach me? I have to love myself. I have to know that I am worth happiness and that I can be complete without someone else. That my happiness shouldn't be determined by my relationship state. I have to "revel in my moments" and live without regrets or presuppositions. Currently, I'm in another one of those odd relationships... a relationship in which I am so in love (and vice versa), but its just not "the time." I've had to take the friend role because of circumstances and simply be support.

But I digress... Traveling alone? Go with lots of books, lots of plans of things to see, and a true desire to learn something new. A true desire to get to know yourself a little bit more.

HistorianChick · Jan 29, 2008, 10:55 AM

Wow... reading over the post I just made has me flabbergasted. I mean, I truly feel everything that I wrote, but it almost seems "holier than thou."

If that is the way that it came across, I apologize.

I guess I just wanted to share that I understand. I've been through it. Maybe its because I have had such the scope of life - the ultra highs, the uber lows - I don't know.

Anyway... I hope that you are able to find that "key to momentary living" (as it says in my signature)... It's a hard path... but its SO attainable. And you WILL make it!

:)

Robert7x · Jan 29, 2008, 11:15 AM

You have been through a lot :) If you don't mind me asking... how old are you now? I know that's not nice to ask, and if you don't feel like answering that's OK.

It just seems you've become what everyone is trying to achieve here... I'm first. Being happy with yourself and also alone is something that I will have to achieve with time... I'm not in a rush to get there because I know nothing can happen overnight, but it would be awsome if there were some shortcuts :)

Thanks

HistorianChick · Jan 29, 2008, 11:53 AM

Lol, that's fine. I'm 28.

It's a long, hard journey, this journey of "self-discovery" (that sounded real fruity, didn't it?) but it's SO worth it in the long run. Truly realizing that you're sufficient, just you, is definitely a jewel of untold worth.

Sadly, shortcuts and detours only add to the time spent in travel... and never bring you back to the same place on the road. I wish they did. I've had many.

You're well on your way to healing... because you've recognized what needs to be accomplished. That's the hardest step of all.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 29, 2008, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by Robert7x

I know what you mean... I can't go anywhere alone... it' just blows... makes me depressed and sad. You should do what Mr. Bean did... bring the camera, mess with people and just enjoy the scenary... I can't do it though...

You know, I'm definitely extroverted, meaning I definitely would prefer to be around people than be alone. There was A LOT that I missed out on because someone bailed on me or didn't want to do it after all. So now, if it's something I really want to do, I go alone. Screw them. No matter if it's a movie, dinner, concert, etc. Seriously, why miss out on some great experiences because you're alone? And honestly, being alone doing these activities is a good way to meet people too.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 29, 2008, 08:06 PM

It's not really the idea of being self conscious... maybe it is, but even before that, it's the idea that I'm actually spending money on eating... by myself. I'm not the type to spend money on myself. So the idea of me, going to a restaurant, paying for a meal and eating by myself... just seems weird to me. I don't know.

I am actually considering traveling in March. I'm thinking of just picking it up and going on a cruise by myself. We'll see how this goes.

ihatewestseneca · Jan 29, 2008, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

it's not really the idea of being self conscious....maybe it is, but even before that, it's the idea that I'm actually spending money on eating...by myself. I'm not the type to spend money on myself. So the idea of me, going to a restaurant, paying for a meal and eating by myself...just seems weird to me. I don't know.

I am actually considering traveling in March. I'm thinking of just picking it up and going on a cruise by myself. We'll see how this goes.

Yeah... I think its depressing to see someone eating alone somewhere... But I did go to concert alone once... I had a good time, I was a little more shy back then, but all in all I think I could be happy alone. Honestly how many people can say that? That they're perfectly comfortable doing whatever alone, and loving themselves enough to not care what anyone else thinks.

The ex would always feel sorry for someone if we saw them eating alone so used to make up a story about how they're just here on business and that they have a beautiful wife and a bunch of kids to make her feel better. Good memory... but I think I could see myself sitting in a coffee shop reading and eating... I'm going to do it, I got a lot of reading to do for HW anyway. Go me!

ISneezeFunny · Jan 29, 2008, 09:08 PM

Granted, I've done a LOT of coffee shops by myself. But nice restaurant, I have not.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 30, 2008, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

Granted, I've done a LOT of coffee shops by myself. but nice restaurant, I have not.

I've never actually been to a "nice" restaurant alone. I usually hit up the regular ones. Like Perkins or someplace like that. Someone once told me, the trick is to sit in a spot where you actually face people. So it makes it look like you don't have a problem with being alone, and that it's your choice. I don't know about that, I figure to hell with what they think. :)

Robert7x · Jan 30, 2008, 02:41 PM

That's my problem... I keep thinking what others think... When they see someone alone sitting by themselves, I feel sorry for him/her...

I don't know, it just feels weird and lonely sitting in a restaurant eating alone... I can't do it.

talaniman · Jan 30, 2008, 04:04 PM

I may eat at Mickey D's alone, but never in a nice restaurant. But then again just ask for some company, the treat is on you. Not all dating has to be exclusive, or committed for that matter.

Robert7x · Jan 30, 2008, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I may eat at Mickey D's alone, but never in a nice restaurant. But then again just ask for some company, the treat is on you. Not all dating has to be exclusive, or committed for that matter.

I too have eaten alone at Mcdonalds... I mean that's easy. You got food, TV, Internet... What more do you need. I wish every place would be as easy as that.