[hurt and confused]

I will try to make a long story short. My husband and I have been married for 23 years, 3 children - 1 in middle school. About a month ago I discovered my husband going trough a lot of money with nothing to show for it, becoming distant from me, no interest in work on home. I really didn't think it was drugs as it's just not his style. I didn't want to believe an affair as that's not his style either.

Out of suspicion, I began asking questions. Are you seeing someone else, are you using drugs, are you gambeling? I got "no" to each. I began searching for the answers - going through his things. I found he was using his credit card for everyday expenses when he had plenty of cash to use. Most receipts were hidden. I found receipts for bank withdraws I knew nothing about. I found lots of porn hidden all over the place.

After a week of questions he admitted to something with a co worker. He said there was no feelings for her and nothing had happened. They talk and spend time at work (foundry). He says he has never talked to her on the phone but our cell phone log shows a 17 minute received call an his way to work which left him to clock in 5 minutes late. He said they go into eachothers work booths but nothing happens, they just look at each other. Each day he confessed to a little more information but still insists that nothing happened.

The last two confessions were that he asked he to go to the gas station with him during lunch (night shift) and that he had given her something that had belonged to his deceased father.

Now he is saying that none of this was true and that he only told me because I kept asking and he thaught it was what I wanted to hear. He has watched me cry, be angry, not sleep and not eat for 3 weeks now over this.

My question - is he trying to confuse me or could this be true? I love him and want to make this work and believe him but the lies make it difficult and I feel I am getting no help from him. What do you think of this huge mess?

[N0help4u]

My guess is he is only giving you bits and pieces hoping that soon you will be satisfied with the answers he has given you so far and quit asking him for the rest of the story.

Are you talking more than a few hundred? Makes me wonder about something's that it could be??

[s_cianci]

It's hard to know for sure. I have to say that all of these unexplained expenses add up to more than just a casual friendship with a co-worker so you're obviously not getting the whole story. There could be something more going on between them or there may be something completely different and he's using his friendship with this co-worker as a red herring just to have an excuse to give you. I'd suggest counseling and if he won't go then go yourself. Also consider encouraging him to find a new job ; see how that goes over.