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talaniman · Jan 26, 2008, 08:48 AM

Why are you listening to this immature control freak?? Why are you talking to him? Why are you doing this to yourself? He is a nut and that explains his actions, but what are you?? You need to decide what you want more, to be healthy and happy, in which case, grow up and protect yourself. Or be miserable and confused, by keeping his disruptive behavior in your life. Its like expecting a drunk to drive you home safely. Does that make sense to you?? Stop the contact, and get healthy.

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 06:29 AM

It's the first day of NC and I am already floundering. I mentioned this in another post, but I deleted him from Facebook, deleted all our pictures together, and deleted him off my AIM. The problem wasn't that he was cruel or not responding to me. Only that he was being nice and friendly when what he really wanted to say was "I don't love you anymore and don't want anything to do with you. I don't want to hurt you, but please leave me alone."

When I deleted him from Facebook, I even had the courtesy to send him a joint message explaining that I felt b****y for exploding at him, although it was because he wasn't telling me the truth, and that this was for my own purposes so that I don't bother him anymore.

It hurts that he didn't reply, although I expected it. It shows that he is finally acknowledging his truth.

It's the start of the first semester and I need to concentrate on my studies. I don't want to get back together. But I just miss his company.

The good thing about yesterday's purge is that because I have made such a big deal of deleting him from my life, to contact him would show how truly obsessive I am about him. God it's 8 in the morning and I slept to thoughts of him and woke up to thoughts of him. When will this agony end??

George_1950 · Jan 27, 2008, 06:54 AM

jiltedgirl asks: "When will this agony end????" It will be a while. You mentioned being obsessive and that word packs a punch. I use the word, 'addiction', to describe what you are going through, and cold turkey is the best way out of it, IMOP. It is day by day; fortunately, within a few weeks you will notice the raw edges begin to numb, if that is the right word. There will be lots of help for you here; just wait.

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 07:16 AM

God it hurts so much. I suddenly started sobbing and can't stop from the pain of my heart ripping in two. I remember when he would say such sweet things to me and I would tease him not to say things that he doesn't mean. I miss those times. He still says things he doesn't mean, but now not because he wants to show how much he cares, but so he won't hurt my feelings.

It's not that I haven't been hurt before. He was there for me when I was going through the pain of a previous breakup. I remember thinking "I've finally found a guy that likes me for me and who I like back." I eased into the relationship cautiously and held myself back a lot. Opening up was my downfall because I started to care more than he does. He was patient and unerstanding. The loss of his feelings for me feel like the ultimate betrayal.

I never want to hurt like this again.

ihatewestseneca · Jan 27, 2008, 07:24 AM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

God it hurts so much. I suddenly started sobbing and can't stop from the pain of my heart ripping in two. I remember when he would say such sweet things to me and I would tease him not to say things that he doesn't mean. I miss those times. He still says things he doesn't mean, but now not because he wants to show how much he cares, but so he won't hurt my feelings.

It's not that I haven't been hurt before. He was there for me when I was going through the pain of a previous breakup. I remember thinking "I've finally found a guy that likes me for me and who I like back." I eased into the relationship cautiously and held myself back alot. Opening up was my downfall because I started to care more than he does. He was patient and unerstanding. The loss of his feelings for me feel like the ultimate betrayal.

I never want to hurt like this again.

As hard as it may be right now, try to think of the bad things about him, I'm sure there are some. After 2 weeks I could only come up with 3, now after about a month I have about 8, I think it should be higher... but they're kind of big flaws.

So yeah, stick with NC and good luck... Things do get better, a lot of us will tell you that because we all know!

talaniman · Jan 27, 2008, 08:14 AM

Sadly, I went through this a few times, back in the day, and it honestly was a trip every time I got dumped, but what made the difference is, knowing what to do about it, and how to move on. Darn it, did I just admit that females rejected me a lot? Thank God, I finally found someone who didn't, and have been taking out the trash on command ever since. The point, knowing how to cope with rejection, and heartbreack, in a positive way.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 27, 2008, 08:39 AM

Keep busy jilted. Keep busy.

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 08:41 AM

Well, as my ex (the one I can't get over at the moment) told me when I broke up with him, "Don't be sad. We gave it our best, didn't we?"

I still have no idea how he keeps such a positive outlook on life. That's probably why he was able to move on while I was left in the dust.

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 08:42 AM

I'm trying. But I STILL can't seem to concentrate on work.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2008, 08:53 AM

Keep trying.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 27, 2008, 09:05 AM

Work? Yeah... the first 2 weeks of nc... no work for me. Every now and then when I have a bad day, still... no work. What'd I do... oh, I cleaned my room... cleaned my car... met up with a few friends to go out... learned to shoot... found a sign language teacher.

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 09:13 AM

It's not like I haven't done NC before with this ex. The longest I lasted (multiple attempts) mind you was 2 weeks. So I'm guessing the one month should do it?

freakinconfused · Jan 27, 2008, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

God it's 8 in the morning and I slept to thoughts of him and woke up to thoughts of him. When will this agony end????

That's the part I hate. I wake up, I think about her, like immediately. It's the first thought I have of the day, and while I'm in the shower for a little bit. But then, as the day gets started, I remind myself that she broke it off with me, and is already with someone else, so why should I be thinking about her? She's not coming back - get out there and find a new girl. Then I'm pretty good for the day. It's only when I'm laying in bed at night, alone that I start thinking about her again. It sux.

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 10:40 AM

I lie in bed and think about him constantly. I wonder if he ever thought of me like I think of him. Then I remember that he stopped doing so a long time ago. That's why I broke up with him. That's why I can't get over him.

I need to move on because he has. There's nothing to hold onto anymore. So I need to stop doing this.

Robert7x · Jan 27, 2008, 10:44 AM

It's all just words, actually doing it is whole 'nother story. Mornings are the worst for me because she's on my mind as soon as I wake up. It's that slap of reality that kicks in when you open you're eyes and you realize "yup, she really is gone and you are all alone".

I'm actually still in bed and it's 12pm... I don't feel like getting up, I mean what's the point really? I guess I'm just having a tough weekend, then again, all weekends have been extra hard for me.

Stay strong, you'll get through it.

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 11:57 AM

Now I feel stupid for deleting him from Facebook. I just gave him the satisfaction of knowing I'm not over him. It seems sort of dramatic even to me now... -_-

Hnestly, we didn't even date for that long so I don't know why I'm hung up on him. Oh well...

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by Robert7x

It's all just words, actually doing it is whole 'nother story. Mornings are the worst for me because she's on my mind as soon as i wake up. It's that slap of reality that kicks in when you open you're eyes and you realize "yup, she really is gone and you are all alone".

I'm actually still in bed and it's 12pm... I don't feel like getting up, i mean what's the point really? I guess i'm just having a tough weekend, then again, all weekends have been extra hard for me.

Stay strong, you'll get thru it.

Lol... that's my exact thought pattern as well--the "yup [he's] really gone and I'm all alone" although I also have the additional "and there's nothing that I can do change that" part.

confused25 · Jan 27, 2008, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

Now I feel stupid for deleting him from facebook. I just gave him the satisfaction of knowing I'm not over him. It seems sorta dramatic even to me now... -_-

Hnestly, we didn't even date for that long so I don't know why I'm hung up on him. Oh well...

Actually I don't think that's the message you sent to him at all. In my honest opinion by deleting him from Facebook you just sent the message that your moving on without him and don't want anything to do with him anymore.

George_1950 · Jan 27, 2008, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by jiltedgirl

Now I feel stupid for deleting him from facebook. I just gave him the satisfaction of knowing I'm not over him. It seems sorta dramatic even to me now... -_-

Hnestly, we didn't even date for that long so I don't know why I'm hung up on him. Oh well...

A side effect from curing the romantic obsession/addiction is 'mind tricks'. Feeling stupid after deleting him from Facebook is just such a mind trick; we live like we have no compass; perhaps that is the value of NC, as we go from one impulse to another, the mind playing its games, it is only with NC that you can get through the maze. jiltedgirl: it was not stupid; it was therapeutic.

jiltedgirl · Jan 27, 2008, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by George_1950

A side effect from curing the romantic obsession/addiction is 'mind tricks'. Feeling stupid after deleting him from facebook is just such a mind trick; we live like we have no compass; perhaps that is the value of NC, as we go from one impulse to another, the mind playing its games, it is only with NC that you can get through the maze. jiltedgirl: it was not stupid; it was therapeutic.

I also agree with this because my previous attempts at NC failed when I "thought" I was over him and I started talking to him again. Thus, the goal: 1 month (or however many it takes) of NC!!

And btw- thanks all for stepping in and helping me! I know I'll be over him when I no longer care what he thinks. Then, I can be friends with him (a trend with the exes). (He is a lot of fun).But I won't get ahead of myself for now...

Well, I've done this before. I can do it again!! (I'm glad I'm in a motivational stage right now... )