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KalFour · Jan 26, 2008, 09:42 PM

Not really. Everyone aged about 14-30 seems completely open about their opinions/experiences to do with sex, but besides that, personal matters are only shared in close circles.
Well... that's what happens in the circles I see... there are a few varieties.
Are you in the US?

Wondergirl · Jan 26, 2008, 09:44 PM

Yes. Chicago, like my avatar shows.

I just don't remember ever sharing feelings like you and your friends seem to do. It seems like such a thing would have really bogged all of us down.

KalFour · Jan 26, 2008, 09:57 PM

I don't know that my friends are a great representation of the average Aussie. But in general, everyone's quite open. If you're sad; cry, if you're angry; swear, if you're amused; laugh.
Most Aussies are pretty frank. I just pretend to be so that nobody looks too closely.

KalFour · Jan 26, 2008, 10:00 PM

I'm convinced that I'm going to suddenly stop liking my boyfriend within a fortnight or something, just because my moods are so interchangeable at the moment. And because of this, I'm thinking about just breaking up with him now because it saves the complications of doing it later.
How irrational is that? I want to stop something good because I'm worried I'll suddenly (with no provocation) stop enjoying it sometime soon.
But I guess once I get into that mindset... I wouldn't say anything to him about it. Just go along until I can't stand it, avoid him for a while and then break up with him without explaining why. Because that sounds like the kind of stupid thing I'd do... really shouldn't be in a relationship...

Wondergirl · Jan 26, 2008, 10:05 PM

Why not just enjoy his friendship and have fun with him and stop thinking so much about it.

KalFour · Jan 26, 2008, 10:11 PM

Stop thinking so much? That's a fantastic idea!
Or even to try to think about something useful rather than self-obsessed rantings going through my head.

By the way... my friends don't really share that much... I don't know what I said that made you think they do. In general, we talk about school/uni, work, relationships, sex and swap embarrassing stories about families or random events.
The only really serious things that are discussed seem to be with the people who've decided to make me their personal therapist... one with no qualifications or actual ability to help.
It's not really the done thing, it's just that some people need to get things off their chests, and I happen to be conveniently nearby and suitable for the job.

Wondergirl · Jan 26, 2008, 10:14 PM

Maybe it's time you refer those people to the school psychologist and stop being a therapist.

(It's very cool that they trust you, but look what it's doing to you! You've got enough on your plate with your own life and emotions.)

Your posts are very deep and emotionally profound. Can you have fun, just for the sake of fun?

KalFour · Jan 26, 2008, 10:48 PM

I have referred people a few times. I always do for serious issues like rape, abuse... anything that could lead to post-traumatic stress.
But a lot of the time (as I'm sure you know) people just want to talk. Once they've got it out and are made to feel that it's OK to be thinking the way they are.

Fun? Yes. I go out and do things with friends, read, get amused by small children and animals... It's not as if I'm incapable of enjoying life... but everything's... flatter.

KalFour · Jan 26, 2008, 10:56 PM

Originally Posted by LifePaparazzi

It sounds to me that you might be suffering from a slight case of bi-polar disorder. I think you need to see a counselor pronto. It may be a matter of knowing how to live with this condition, which a counselor can teach you. Also, there are simple medications that can help you out. Seriously, go see a counselor. What do you have to loose? Oh, and if money is a factor, call you local mental health department. They'll hook you up.

It has crossed my mind before.
And my university provides free counselling... so I have no excuse really. Any actual diagnosis could be costly... but it's not as if I'm remotely near anything like that at the moment.

I keep telling myself I'll go... but keep finding excuses not to.

Wondergirl · Jan 26, 2008, 11:20 PM

So how can we help you get to the counseling office?

KalFour · Jan 26, 2008, 11:51 PM

I don't know.

I don't know what I'm expecting here.

I guess all I'm effectively doing is whining.

That wasn't my intention.

Wondergirl · Jan 27, 2008, 12:08 AM

Not true.

How can we help you walk into that counseling office? (she said again)

KISS · Jan 27, 2008, 05:38 AM

I have a better idea, I think. Go see a neuropsychologist first. Neuropsychology - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This will likely find out what's needed and give a sense of direction.

aghamajid · Jan 27, 2008, 01:40 PM

First of all,calm yourself,I know that feeling,its like you are dead inside,cant feel any thin,just smile to give a response and deep down inside your trapped,its like a million people in you,just find a good friend,n burst out all your thoughts and feelings and believe me you will get to some point,if not then try to spend some time alone,thinking about yourself and your inner self,and hit me back and tell me what you feel!

KalFour · Jan 28, 2008, 06:59 AM

I feel exhausted. I feel like I want to curl up in a cave and sleep, away from everything, for a very long time. I feel that I cannot possibly live up to the expectations of everyone around me. I feel that I have a lot of responsibilities that I am incapable of dealing with. I feel that I'm running out of time, and my life's going nowhere. I feel that Kal is buried deep inside me, and a different person is controlling my body most of the time. I feel that I have no idea what I want, or what I'm doing half the time... but for some reason people keep coming to me and wanting me to solve their problems for them. I feel that I'm going to let everyone down, and worst of all... at some point I'm going to stop caring about it.
And I feel that if I actually try to talk to someone about all of this... one or both of us will explode.

Wondergirl · Jan 28, 2008, 10:00 AM

Take the risk. Talk with someone about this. The very fact that you've begun talking with us (and I haven't heard any reports of explosions) is a good sign you want to let go of these feelings, this depression.

KalFour · Mar 11, 2008, 12:31 AM

Just thought I'd let you all know I went to see a counselor today. Took a lot of hyping myself up to get there, but I did it!
She wants me back again next week.
I just hope I can stay in it.

Thanks guys. :)

LifePaparazzi · Mar 11, 2008, 12:40 AM

Originally Posted by KalFour

Just thought I'd let you all know I went to see a counselor today. Took a lot of hyping myself up to get there, but I did it!
She wants me back again next week.
I just hope I can stay in it.

Thanks guys. :)

Listen, You CAN do this. Don't give up. You will have days where you have an appointment and you won't want to go. But you CAN do this.

I went through this too. I would try to think of every excuse in the book to cancel. But my couselor would not give up on me. I'm so glad she didn't, as I finally got the help I needed. I stayed with it for four years, until I moved away. Now I wish I could still see her.

Just know that you have taken that all important first step. Now it's just a matter of working through what needs to be dealt with. It won't go away, but it will get worse. So, hang in there. There are a lot of people that really do care.

Consider yourself hugged and patted on the back. :)

KalFour · Mar 11, 2008, 03:09 AM

Originally Posted by LifePaparazzi

Listen, You CAN do this. Don't give up. You will have days where you have an appointment and you won't want to go. But you CAN do this.

I went through this too. I would try to think of every excuse in the book to cancel. But my couselor would not give up on me. I'm so glad she didn't, as I finally got the help I needed. I stayed with it for four years, until I moved away. Now I wish I could still see her.

Just know that you have taken that all important first step. Now it's just a matter of working through what needs to be dealt with. It won't go away, but it will get worse. So, hang in there. There are a lot of people that really do care.

Consider yourself hugged and patted on the back. :)

Thanks. Thanks so much. It means a lot to me.

It was so weird today. Like... I walked in there and had no idea what it was I wanted to say, so sat there saying nothing for a bit 'til she started prompting me.

I still don't know exactly what I'm trying to say, but I'll keep trying to say it.

Thanks for the hug. :o

KalFour · Apr 18, 2008, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by KalFour

I'm convinced that I'm going to suddenly stop liking my boyfriend within a fortnight or something, just because my moods are so interchangeable at the moment. And because of this, I'm thinking about just breaking up with him now because it saves the complications of doing it later.
How irrational is that? I want to stop something good because I'm worried I'll suddenly (with no provocation) stop enjoying it sometime soon.
But I guess once I get into that mindset... I wouldn't say anything to him about it. Just go along until I can't stand it, avoid him for a while and then break up with him without explaining why. Because that sounds like the kind of stupid thing I'd do... really shouldn't be in a relationship...

It's funny, because that's exactly what happened. I stopped liking him, avoided him for a while, then broke up with him.
My counselor left the country not long after I first saw her. I'm waiting until she gets before I continue. The idea of talking to someone new is just... inconcievable at the moment. I've booked in to see her again the week she gets back.
So recently I've just been totally flat. I don't really care what's going on, haven't been seeking people out, or looking forward to things, just been going along with life, and when I'm forced to be communicative, simply say what I'm expected to say and act the way I'm expected to act.
I've only been emotional lately with things that haven't actually happened. Things I imagine can have a profound effect on me, while the things in real life seem quite trivial, as though they're on another plane of existence.
I got a new job. I've been working in schools with emotionally disturbed children. I've actually been really enjoying it... maybe not enjoying, but I find it satisfying. I don't know if it's because I feel that I have a purpose there, or if it's because focusing on the problems of others makes it easier to cope with my own. Maybe it's just flattering to my ego to have others feel safe confiding in me. Maybe I just want to help people. It's hard to say when I know so llittle about what's going on inside my head.
Maybe I'm everyone else's counselor because I get some perverse satisfaction from it... that seems horribly wrong somehow.

Well... that's a brief update... just in caase anyone's interested.

Kal