[la70448]

I recently found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been involved with a girl behind my back. They met a few years ago then again a couple of months ago because she is a bartender at the sports bar he goes to. They started talking then became friends and he went over to her house a couple of times and he says nothing happened. Then they started exchanging dirty text messages (he says that she initiated it). He ended the relationship a couple weeks later. 2 days after he ended it, I got a call from her saying that they had been together for 2 months and that she thought I should know. I knew nothing about this girl so I confronted him about it and he swears nothing physical ever happened... the relationship just went too far. He seems to be very remorseful and wants to work it out. For some reason I believe they didn't sleep together but should the texts be enough to end it?

[Fr_Chuck]

Even if they did not have sex ( and I would personally bet they did) it is still cheating since he was giving her the attention he should have been giving you. Now you can still forgive him and go on, it is all up to you.

[kp2171]

Emotional betrayal? Sure.

End it? Up to you.

He has come clean (hopefully) and that's a plus I guess. But only after she caused it... wonder if he denied her and she got mad..

Its your call... are you so vested in this relationship that its worth the work? I know he's your boyfriend of 2 years, but that can mean a lot of things depending on the relationship.

My wife flirts. I even think its sexy. But its not that I'm not jealous... it's that I trust her 100%. So she gets to get away with it. She is beautiful, likes attention now and then, and she's not disrespectful about it...

Now... were I in your shoes, id be pissed. Its one thing to tease a little in a bar to get a boy to buy you drinks... its another thing to divert emotional, especially sensual, energy to another over a period.

So... no perfect answer. Maybe he needed to push the boundaries just to know he didn't want to go there...

Id still be upset, and itd be hard just to say it was a one time thing without worrying.

So I can't tell you if you need to leave. Your call.

He is at least on Big Super Probation, as my wife would say.

[talaniman]

I like that super probation idea. Take your own sweet time, and decide is he worth all the crap your feeling now.

[mafiaangel180]

If I were in your shoes, he would be kicked to the curb. He knew it was all shady, so he wasn't going to tell you any of it. Flirting is one thing, phone numbers and going home with the bartender is another. Sure, this bartender hoe could have been disgruntled and wanted to ruin him by calling you, but think about it, he at least... AT LEAST led her on somewhat for her to even feel the way she does.

[Tuscany]

If you have to ask if it is cheating, chances are you already know the answer, you are just looking for reassurance.

It is completely up to you if you want to continue the relationship. But, my bet is that it is going to take you sometime to get over the betrayal and to trust him again. If you continue the relationship I would set boundries for yourself and for him. Go back if you want, but go back on your terms.