Check out some similar questions!

ihatewestseneca · Jan 23, 2008, 06:17 AM

Don't do anything. Maybe I'm just in a sh!itty mood about my ex right now, but I would just forget her. That's all I want to do. Psh, women...

Romefalls19 · Jan 23, 2008, 06:20 AM

Yea I know... I mean this girl was my best friend and my lover... To lose all that after 2 and half years of being through everything together. It just plain sucks. I understand the whole false hope crap too... I mean I was getting friends of hers calling me at 11:30 at night asking the most retarded questions, another friend of hers hadn't spoken to me in 2 weeks then all of a sudden IMs me, she checks my bulletins and my myspace almost daily and now wants to be friends, but doesn't want to give the impression of more. What the duece

MLB33 · Jan 23, 2008, 11:06 AM

Rome: Listen man, if this is as hard for you as it is me then I truly truly feel sorry for you. I know that all the advice I'm getting on this site is great advice because these people have been through this and it didn't work out for them. I also know that they are just trying to help. I think we are kind of the same but not you know? From everybodys advice on here I know its wrong to think about your ex and wish more than anything that she would realize she might need us. But, that's how I feel. I don't want to let her go. I know I won't move on if I don't but at this point I love that girl way too much to just say the hell with it.

Im sure you read my post and I went a little overboard with response when she sent me a text. There are a million signs saying that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me now. And duh, she told me she didn't. I don't know that it means that she doesn't love me anymore. In a nutshell, Im just plain and simply not ready to move on. I know its terrible and its going to hurt me more in the long run but Im just not ready to give up on this girl yet. Somebody said before that you should weigh the risk vs the reward. The reward in my opinion is definitely worth the risk. Id do anything for her.

One more thing. I understand the NC thing and the healing process that is suppose to come with it. Like somebody said earlier, I shouldn't beat myself up over telling my ex all that stuff about loving her and all that. Because, if I hadn't said all that and it still didn't work then I would be kicking myself for not saying it. I want her to know how I feel. Don't get me wrong here, Im going back to NC because I want her to realize for herself that she "needs" me.

The advice you get on here is very true, IF you are ready to move on. Im not. And if you are not ready for that, then it seems like Im trying to play this game to get her back. I told her on the phone the last time I talked to her, that I knew I wasn't suppose to be telling her this stuff. She said "I know, youre just being honest." And I believe that is the way you should go about it if you aren't ready to let go. Hope that helps.

Romefalls19 · Jan 23, 2008, 11:11 AM

That's why I liked my response so much, it was a I can do without you, but would like to be friends. Basically putting the ball into her court about a friendship. I wasn't about ready to make everything seem like I was waiting for her to talk to me. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but maybe the right thing in a way. Shows I have changed quite a bit as 3 weeks ago I said we couldn't be friends

MLB33 · Jan 23, 2008, 11:17 AM

Yeah I know what you mean. The difference in us there is that me and my ex couldn't be friends. We both know that. I don't know if what I said was "right" but I really believe in my situation that it may be. The absolute last thing I want to do is to move on, and always have that lingering thought in the back of my head wondering what may have happened if I would have spoke my mind to her instead of just ignoring everything. I mean, even if I did NC and ignored her, I know eventually I would get over her but I doubt that I would ever completely be able to move on.

Romefalls19 · Jan 23, 2008, 11:18 AM

Well the only hope I have of showing my ex I have changed and will continue to do so is by being her friend and show her I can see her doing what she wants. While I may not always agree with her choices it is in fact her life to do with what she pleases. Love is a great thing when you have it, but sucks when you lose it

MLB33 · Jan 23, 2008, 11:56 AM

I understand. I just can't and never will be able to be her friend. It literally makes me feel sick when I think about what she could be doing with somebody else. She very well may be doing anything and everything I imagine or she very well may not be I have no idea. As of right now, Id just like to keep it that way. I don't want to know. Somebody if we get back together I might then I don't know about that yet. All I was saying is that in my situation and me knowing I don't want to let her go yet... Im willing to show her how I feel w/out being overbearing but just to make sure she knows how I feel about her.

Romefalls19 · Jan 23, 2008, 12:01 PM

I'm going to go with the don't ask don't tell military policy. I won't ask what she does with her personal life, she won't tell... I don't forsee her jumping into the sheets with someone but rest assured I also won't be doing the friends with benefits roll

MLB33 · Jan 23, 2008, 12:16 PM

Again, totally understand. That makes perfect sense if you are wanting to try and be friends. There is no way in the world you could be friends if you told your intimate things to each other. So yeah, don't do that. I just am having a really really hard time getting past my imagination. I know people say stay busy and Im not saying Im not because I am. But I still think about that stuff it really hurts me. BLAH, that sick feeling

Romefalls19 · Jan 23, 2008, 12:21 PM

Yea, you think about her with a guy in the sheets and 9/10 it's not true... Its a sick game our mind plays on us but it's a defensive structure that our mind puts up to try and make it easier to move on.. Which fails horribly ha ha

MLB33 · Jan 23, 2008, 12:44 PM

Yeah well whatever it is, it sucks. I can't get that crap out of my head. I literally have to almost gag. I really just don't know what to do. I think Im doing right, but time just won't move fast enough. For better or worse

Romefalls19 · Jan 23, 2008, 12:46 PM

I know how you feel.. Tomorrow will be my biggest test, it would have been 2 1/2 yrs tomorrow and I usually see her at work on thursdays.. yea not looking forward to it.. I don't know how to act, and won't know how she reacts.. I guess my biggest question is.. Will she even remember that date

ISneezeFunny · Jan 23, 2008, 01:49 PM

Is she the type to remember dates? If that's the case... then yes.

Romefalls19 · Jan 23, 2008, 01:58 PM

Sometimes she does... I mean, I have a good feeling she will remember and we will have that awkward eyes meet stuff but we will have to see... I hope she is miserable tomorrow, because I know I will be.. Is that wrong lol?

MLB33 · Jan 23, 2008, 03:22 PM

Haha no. I don't even know you 2 from adam and I bet she will know exactly what day it is.

Here's a question. Might help a few of you also. Its been made clear that you can't "win" somebody back. Also, that your best chance is if they begin to curious about you. So, my question is... Is there a way to make them curious w/out just totally going NC. I mean, not like talking even every week, but just a text every now and then that kind of makes her think... he's so sweet. NOT, I love you I miss you I love you I miss you haha.
Just short and sweet.

freakinconfused · Jan 23, 2008, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea, you think about her with a guy in the sheets and 9/10 it's not true...Its a sick game our mind plays on us but its a defensive structure that our mind puts up to try and make it easier to move on..Which fails horribly ha ha

Ha.

It's a whole lot different when you know, 100% without a doubt, that she has banged someone else. After knowing that, you are still sitting there hurting and wanting her back, but you can't figure out why because your head is sitting there telling you that you are a fool for even considering it. Especially if she's already comfortable enough with the break up to be in the sack with a new man. Logically thinking, you don't want the ex back. But your heart still misses her, which is the hardest part to get over.

freakinconfused · Jan 23, 2008, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by MLB33

haha no. I dont even know you 2 from adam and I bet she will know exactly what day it is.

Heres a question. Might help a few of you also. Its been made clear that you can't "win" somebody back. Also, that your best chance is if they begin to curious about you. So, my question is....Is there a way to make them curious w/out just totally going NC. I mean, nto like talking even every week, but just a text every now and then that kinda makes her think....he's so sweet. NOT, I love you I miss you I love you I miss you haha.
Just short and sweet.

Haha, if someone has an answer to that, please let me know. I don't think you'll find one.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 23, 2008, 05:53 PM

Originally Posted by MLB33

haha no. I dont even know you 2 from adam and I bet she will know exactly what day it is.

Heres a question. Might help a few of you also. Its been made clear that you can't "win" somebody back. Also, that your best chance is if they begin to curious about you. So, my question is....Is there a way to make them curious w/out just totally going NC. I mean, nto like talking even every week, but just a text every now and then that kinda makes her think....he's so sweet. NOT, I love you I miss you I love you I miss you haha.
Just short and sweet.

If she's actually interested in you, then she'll get curious on her own.

If she's not interested in you, this will push her further away and make you look extremely weird.

friend4u178 · Jan 23, 2008, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by MLB33

So, my question is....Is there a way to make them curious w/out just totally going NC. I mean, nto like talking even every week, but just a text every now and then that kinda makes her think....he's so sweet. NOT, I love you I miss you I love you I miss you haha.
Just short and sweet.

Well you could just send her a text every few weeks and what does that achieve? She realises you are still hanging on and will be there for her whenever she feels like it , therefore you aren't a challenge for her at all. She knows she can just explore all her options first and if all else fails she still has you as a backup. Do you want to be a backup?Women like men who are a challenge.

Not just that but you also let her get away with not feeling guilty about dumping you.

I'm sorry I know I sound like a broken record but she already knows how you feel , don't keep trying to think of ways to keep her interested because it doesn't work like that. And you won't start healing until you accept that it's over. Then you can start working on yourself and then IF she decides to ever come back , you will be in a better position emotionally to decide whether this is really the right thing to do.

At the end of the day its your choice but we can only give you our opinions and you can take them or leave them , but remember our opnions are based on experience.
And we are on your side don't forget.

MLB33 · Jan 23, 2008, 10:16 PM

Friend: Don't worry about the sounding like a broken record thing. Everybody on here does. Especially me.

Freakin: I just finished your masterpiece haha. I read the whole thing. Anyway, I can relate to what you went through so much. The only difference, and I realize it's a huge difference, is that I did go straight NC and 2 weeks later she sent a text and me being a "man" I figured I could just play it cool. Um no. I caved and told her how much I loved her and all that. Anyway, I said all that to say this... Im exactly where you were with the whole I want to give her the space but I don't want to overdo it. That is why I was asking about sending a text like "just thought about you today" and leave it at that. I see what friend is saying about she knows Im still here and it may not sound like it, but I know exactly what he's saying. There is a fine line somewhere between staying around because you love somebody and being on the back burner. I don't know where that is. The last thing I want to do is ruin something by making them feel the way I do. Maybe they should and yeah I'll admit I sometimes wish she would so she would see what she was doing to me. But what's the point. Don't get me wrong (I wrote all this before so here it is very briefly) she said she felt the same way she did when she wanted a break. When I was texting her she sent one back that said "dont be that way, when you broke up with me you didnt talk to me for a month." Make of that what you will because Im not sure, it could mean several things. I keep getting off track. ANYWAY, I just want to know what to do you know. I don't care what anybody on here says about just going total NC. YES, it's the way to move on with myself I agree totally. I just believe the risk vs reward here is worth the risk. Like you said, I just have to know, I couldn't go on (as pathetic as it is) knowing I might have left something hanging. I don't believe total NC is right if, hell I don't know what's right. I just hope you know what I mean. As of right now, I know 100% that she knows how I feel about her. So, I don't need to get into that. Just any insight would be great I'll shutup haha thanks.