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Why my divorce still hurts 10 years later?
Been divorced for nearly 8 years and the other week I saw in the paper of the town I once lived in that my ex-wife had re-married and the pain shot through me. I am falling apart emotionally over this and starting to hurt my current marriage by pulling away from my wife. I once was a drug addict and that is way my ex divorced me and I have clean for almost 7 years but right this moment I feel like falling off the wagon again just to hide the pain. Why do I still hurt all this time later?
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Probably because of old memories. Count your blessing with your new wife and everything you have with her. Be strong for your new wife, you don't want to mess that up too and then see that she is getting remarried as well.
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This may be a great opportunity for you to complete the recovery you started some years ago. Why don't you look into a visit with a counselor; try the local mental health clinic, or a trusted pastor, priest or rabbi. I believe you will find that talking about this with an advisor and your wife will be beneficial.
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Not trying to be pushy and please take this only as advise. Our church offers a "freedom now" program. This is a safe place where people with addictions can go and talk and listen with others in the same situation. Religion is not pushed here, and in fact the program we have running has many non church people involved in it. Please look into programs where you can listen and talk if you want to.
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You need to start living in the now. It is so easy to look back and see what might have been IF you had done things differently. But I find people ,and especially men, tend to forget the reality of back then. Your first marriage was not perfect but you are still beating yourself up for derailing it with drugs. That's over and done with and your first wife has moved on. Don't repeat this pattern with your second wife- go back to counseling or find a support group and get back on board with your life and with your present wife. Go out and get some kind of exercise as that helps to keep you from feeling depressed. And live in the present not the past.
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