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pinkrosequeen · Jan 19, 2008, 03:41 PM

I am in need of some advice. My boyfriend was married before for 10 years and now they are separated for 7 years. His wife calls and harasses his entire family. She downs him to his children and now that we have a child together, she is telling him that he needs to put the kids that he had with her first and just basically ignore the child that he has with me. I am sick of the crap that this woman has put this family through. She left him for another man 7 years ago and she does nothing to benefit herself or the children. Just the other week we received a phone call from DSS in NC from their Child Protective Services division. They are asking questions on why she is not taking care of the children and if she is doing drugs. She is a previous drug user. What should we do about this

JudyKayTee · Jan 19, 2008, 03:54 PM

Originally Posted by pinkrosequeen

I am in need of some advice. My bf was married before for 10 years and now they are separated for 7 years. His wife calls and harasses his entire family. She downs him to his children and now that we have a child together, she is telling him that he needs to put the kids that he had with her first and just basically ignore the child that he has with me. I am sick of the crap that this woman has put this family through. She left him for another man 7 years ago and she does nothing to benefit herself or the children. Just the other week we received a phone call from DSS in NC from their Child Protective Services division. They are asking questions on why she is not taking care of the children and if she is doing drugs. She is a previous drug user. What should we do about this

You can do nothing about this - this is his problem. He needs to get himself to an Attorney and then to Court and get himself divorced. Is he legally separated and are there support and custody orders in place?

If Child Protective Services is asking questions and he thinks his children are in danger, then he has to step up to protect them.

Anyone she is harassing - depending on the level of harassment - can also file for a restraining order... or simply hang up or ignore her if it doesn't rise to that level.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 19, 2008, 03:56 PM

Well first after 7 years why is he still married to her, I find a seroius issue right there. If CPS are asking question, they are answered honestly.

As for as you, sorry at this point you are a girlfriend and have no real legal standing in the entire issue.

Perhaps as noted document the harassment and see if you can get a order of protection against her.

cdad · Jan 21, 2008, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by pinkrosequeen

I am in need of some advice. My bf was married before for 10 years and now they are separated for 7 years. His wife calls and harasses his entire family. She downs him to his children and now that we have a child together, she is telling him that he needs to put the kids that he had with her first and just basically ignore the child that he has with me. I am sick of the crap that this woman has put this family through. She left him for another man 7 years ago and she does nothing to benefit herself or the children. Just the other week we received a phone call from DSS in NC from their Child Protective Services division. They are asking questions on why she is not taking care of the children and if she is doing drugs. She is a previous drug user. What should we do about this

The only thing " we " can do is talk about his situation and then he has to act upon it. You may well have to accept his children into your home and by being with him you have inheirited his legal problems and his Ex. Restraining orders and maybe a parental evaluation along with a change in custody sounds like the answer but that's between you 2.
He needs to take care of it and grow a spine and protect his children rather then turning a blind eye to things.

peggyhill · Jan 21, 2008, 01:40 PM

He needs to file for divorce; talking to an attorney will be a good place to start. While he is there, he can ask for advice on what to do about his ex. There isn't really a lot you can do in the situation, unfortunately.

If she makes any direct threats against you or your child or starts stalking you, etc. document what happened and when. If you have any phone messages or anything that she has left you which are threatening, save them for evidence. If she starts harassing you personally, then you might be able to obtain a restraining order. I would go to the local police department and ask for their advice if it gets that bad.

If Social Services is looking into this woman, it could mean the children are in danger. I would advise him to speak with them, ask why they are investigating, and find out more about the situation. If they seem to be under the impression that she is neglecting the kids and doing drugs, then he has reason to be concerned about his children. Encourage him to speak to the lawyers about all this when he goes to find out about getting a divorce.

Good luck and hope all works out for you guys!