[goldengirl1]

I'm 20, my boyfriend is 22. We have only been together about 7 weeks, and I called it off just 2 days ago. Basically we were similar in so many ways for example we both come from good working class families, have had good private education, caring families, both like animals, nature, walks, countryside, both have nive cars, both reasonably intelligent.

Ill start of positively, when he wasn't horny he was caring, loving, cuddly, kissy, reasonably talkative, enjoyed being with me, wanted to be with me, told me he love me, needed me, cared for me etc

We used to spend lots of time together, maybe now I could argue too much?!

Ill go on to the bad points. My boyfriend was a sex pest. He told me on day 1 he had a very high sex drive. He was always horny, he used to talk a lot about sex, because I wouldn't give it hime straight away he used to ask for dirty messages, I did my best but I felt so uncomfortable doing so, it was so he could wank, I also know he watches a lot of porn. He used to starte talking about sex all the time, and now I think back we barely had conversations about anything else other than sex, or him telling me how beautiful I was and how he loved me and needed me.

After a month, and slightly pressurised into it I gave him sex, he said it was good, and the first few times I admit was OK. But then e started wanting more dirty messages, more decriptive, and about 3 days after out first sexual intercourse he told me he wanted sex every time he saw me. As I can't say NO to anyone I ended up giving it him, and I was getting more and more unhappy, but can I point out that I think the reason I gave it him was once we had it he was calm and lovign and affectionate after sex, we just used to cuddle and kiss and watch a film.

After a week or so he expressed his fantasies amd started saying he would like me to dress up, sex toys, film us having sex, have pictures of me in stockings and lingerie, dirty talk during sex, moans and groans, come in places such as my mouth and face, anal sex etc. this freaked me out and I couldn't help myself from saying no its to early.

After then having sex everyday (even when the parents were in) which he knew I felt uncomfortable about but didn't stop us, he started pulling out just before and saying open your mouth, and because I couldn't say no I let him come in my mouth, and then after that it happened every time. He then asked for anal sex and again I couldn't say no so we tried that it hurt too much, so he said we will try again later and 3 hours later we did, this started to make me feel really unhappy and I was thinking more about stuff that he just didn't have a clue about as to why I was unhappy. He would also wank while I was sleeping in the same bed

Basically we never held a conversation, if I asked him how he was, or if he had had a good day, he would text back saying love you couldn't be without you. This was another thing, if we weren't together he was constantly texting me, but never meaning anything specific as I got a bit fed up with hearing I'm beautiful, sexy, he loves me, needs me, etc or dirty texts, that's all we really sent.

This made me realise how trapped I felt, never really saw my family (im a major family girl) and I never really saw my friends, if I did he was constantly texting me, which I think is rude.

Also all his close mates are millionaires, my boyfriend isn't. He can't deal with that, he tried to keep in with their image e.g designer clothes, sunbeds and faketan, expensive lifestyle, but he is so bitter towards money, if we actually had a conversation a normal one it would probably revolve around money and how he wanted more, wanted to be like his friends, and I think he is far to influenced by his friends and by porn. I worried that come christmas, his birthday anything I buy would not be good enough, I worry I would not be afford his expensive lifestyle. It worries me that he knows he is attractive and that lots of girls fancy him, and people tell him he should be a model etc, which increses his confidence much beyond my liking. He also told me he cheated on his previous girlfriend of 3 years twice, he got into two other girls whilst being with her. That worried me, he said he learnt it ruined him and he wouldn't do it again.

Basically I've been in this situation twice, I couldn't cope with the sex drive once (in all fariness I did dump him after 3 days, so I didn't give it a chance) but this time I gave it very nearl 2 months and the same thing happened. But know I've dumped him, I can't help but feel bad, as I never told him I was unhappy, I never said no to sex, I never said I'm out with my mates don't text, I never said look we can't hold a conversation. And now I think well how did he ever know how I felt.

He is not one to chase girls, as he thinks he can have anyone, he spent months chasing me, and now he said he's not giving him and he will fight forever to get me back, he's sending me texts every 2/3 minutes, saying he loves me ,misses me, telling me it can work, that sex isn't an issue, and we can talk everything through, slow down, he is absolutely begging me, but he knows me and he knows my heart and he knows by playing this game he can win me over, but I'm determined not to give in.

I keep thinking maybe I'm not fair maybe I should give him ONE last chance, but when I think what I have to go back to I tell myself don't do it! The fac is no one should have to change, he is always going to have a high sex drive and even if he lets go of some of his fantasies he will get bored and I know he will turn to porn, and deep down I won't be a turn on for me as I know its not what he wants, he told me he gets that into sex that passionate sex merges into dirty sex.

But I'm worried with him and his 24/7 attention he needs that I'm never going to get my uni work done, or see my mates and family and I'm more than happy to be on my own and occupy myself by reading or watching a film or internet or talking to my family.

I really want your opinion, the thing is because I wanted people to dislike him I've made him sound worse than he is to my family and friends, and so now I need others opinions now I've explained it turthfully and accurately and told all you that I never expressed my opinions. Do you think its worth another chance or should I stay away?

Also the thing is, as soon as I dumped him, he threatened me he said wait until the people in work see those pictures of you, that is sexual harassment, he also said when you can't find anyone else you will come running back. He also has a very bad temper, and I know that if and when he finally accepts NO as my answer, he will turn vile with me, threats, etc and then I can say you can't have loved me.

I just feel inside that maybe I have been unfair, maybe I should try again, but then I know his sex drive won't alter and after a whilei think I will find myself in the same position and then I will have to go through all this again!

PLEASE HELP, its my first relationship, and he says I let things go too easily?

[lavenderly]

Well... dont know whether to say you are smart or stupid.

How could you let a man play with your body as if it belongs to him? How could you believe it when he says he loves u? Have you not hear that when a man at his age says he loves you and asks for dirty texts in return is just bull$hitting?

1) Since it is your first relationship, I think you need to learn that a relationship is about giving and taking. You have to strike a 50-50 balance here. Ask yourself how many times have you asked him to do you favours? If it is all about his needs, what about yours?

2) You have a communication problem here. A big one! If u don't like the things he is asking you to do, you should speak up! Come on... gal! Learn to say no. So what if it angers him? So what if you lose him? That just proves that he is the jerk HE claims himself to be. You can see whether he is a good man by his reactions when you say NO.

3) If u are a family girl you claimed yourself to be, and you care about your studies in uni, then why are you wasting yourself away on a man who can't live within his means and always want to keep up with the Joneses? He is still a kid. Always want to act rich and dreams of becoming a big star some day etc... U are way more mature. I am sure you feel that yourself.

4)As soon as you dumped him he threatens u? Try telling that to the police, see how will they respond. It is a BIG RRRRREDDDD FLAG, honey. Run now! Run to the authorities, preferably. You need help with this as it is no longer a domestic issue. Any man who threatens to harrass you sexually is already committing a crime. What more when he blackmailed you emotionally to stick by him and erm... be his sex slave?

5) One last thing to remind u: Do not get in bed so soon although you are in a relationship. If you really want to see whether the guy is in love, not in lust, with u, then you need to wait. The longer the better (try 4-6 months). If he waits by your side and still tells you he loves you and cuddles with you even without the sex, you know he is of better material than a sex maniac.

P.S. I said you are smart because you broke it off with him. But he is not worth another chance although you said you did not tell him about your feelings. If u are in a healthy relationship, you will have lots of opportunity to talk and share feelings. This guy is just manipulative and controlling. It's ALL ABOUT HIM. He is sooo full of himself.

[Fr_Chuck]

No, he will not change, he is out for sex, Now if you have really wild sexual ideas and enjoy it that way, that is your bussines, but he will only get worst and more and more controlling, It sounds like one to run from not give a 2nd chance

[Bluerose]

goldengirl1,

Your take on things may be down to your lack of experience. By the sound of it you were not ready for sex. Sounds a little excusive but I think he's just a normal young guy who went to town on the sex thing because you were so compliant in the beginning. 7 weeks is no time at all to get to know someone. I think it was just a case of too much too soon. Don't let it put you off sex. Take it much slower in your next relationship. Don't allow anyone to 'push' you into anything.

[goldengirl1]

Thanks for getting back, its all muchly appreciated. I made him out to be a lot worse to my friends and family and then felt bad, so here I gave a true reflection and still your advising me to stay away.

I'VE GOT THE MESSAGE, THERE IS NO GOING BACK!

Basically this guy should realise given the position he is in not to sexually harrass me or to commit a crime, as he is applying for the police and any conflict will mean him out of a job.

I guess I am smart, but I guess in this circumstance I've been stupid, because I felt trapped, unhappy, used, yet I wanted the attention and the feeling of being loved, which he says he does.

He is now saying sex is not an issue, we can not have it at all, and we can work things out and get through it, but even if we tried, he's always going to want to reinact porn and have a high sex drive, I'm not saying its abnormal, but h made me feel abnormal with my low sex drive. I'm worried that I'm throwing away his good background, his looks, the way he says he loves me, just for sex? Maybe all lads I meet will be the same!

Basically I come from a christian background, I never discuss sex with my family, therefore they don't know the main reason behind our breakup, they think its over money issues and his moods. Basically I feel bad having sex whilst they are in the house, and carrying out kinky sex, when I know they wouldn't approve, as I said I'm a family girl who loves my family and respects their wishes. I don't know maybe my parents had sex before marriage but I very much doubt it. Life moves on, I may not always fall for christians hence having sex before marriage, but I want to find someone who is happy with love making sex, perhaps adding spice further down the line is acceptable but not 3 weeks into the relationship! I feel by giving him dirty messages, kinky sex is going against my parents beliefs and it makes me feel guilty. My friends say that I'm not abnormal and give me the right lad I will have a highger sex drive, but with this previous lad, he didn't really focus on me during sex so I never received pleasure... so basically there was nothing in it for me.

This guy knows the way to my heart though, by sending messages like:
I love you
I need you
You're my everything
Your all I want
I can't cope without you
I miss you so much
I just want you to know I'm always thinking of you

It does affect me, it makes me think well what if he does? But I can't go back to the trapped and unhappiness I had before.

Basically all our conversations during our time together were the words above and dirty messages, and while I was with him he wanted dirty talk and if not that talking about sex.

It's a mess!!
But thanks for getting back, really helped me to stay with my final decision!

[Bluerose]

goldengirl1,

You have posted about this before. You made him out to be a lot worse to us too. Speaking for myself, I'm not telling you to keep away from him, I'm telling you to take a look at your own behaviour, check out the signals you were giving him. Sound to me like you are both very inexperienced and were merely experimenting with sex. You were quite willing to begin with then I suspect you began to feel like a bit of a slut so you drew back and rethought the situation. The poor guy probably wonders what he did wrong. I'm glad you recognise that you behaved stupidly. Maybe you'll take your next relation much slower. And yes, other lads you meet will be the same, especially if you behave the same with them as you did with this poor guy. You have had 'kinky' sex with him in your parents home. I just can't see some young guy asking you to have 'kinky' sex in your parents home. You feel guilty, I'm sorry but you should feel guilty. You lead some poor guy on and then you have a change of heart. You say he didn't focus on you. He didn't focus on you because you put it on a plate for him! Poor guy probably thought it was his birthday!

He has offered to leave sex out of it for now. Obviously realises that everything was moving too fast. He has sent you messages -

i love you
i need you
your my everything
your all i want
i can't cope without you
i miss you so much
i just want you to know im always thinking of you

How trapped and unhappy can you get in 7 weeks?!! There are people out there who know what it is like to be trapped and unhappy, you are not one of them.

.

[goldengirl1]

So then bluerose, I see your sticking up for my ex then... wel explain this one...

On Thursday night he sent me the usual texts... I love you, you're my everything, so sad and lonely at home, not eaten, feeling suicidal, love you, miss you etc etc!

Next day I get a call from my best mate, "don't quite know how to break this to you, but last night my ex was getting into, groping, all over, looking very happy with a slut of the town, im not slagging off people with bleached blond hair in the slightest, or with playby tattoos all over their back, or who go out in hot pants and a top with no back that doesnt even cover her fake boobs, but that was the girl he "pulled" that night! They were everywhere together, while he was texting me saying he was at home lonely!

When I questioned him, he didn't deny it, he said he was in a fragile mental state and needed to comfort, he also stated he was taken advantage of. AS IF it's a load of B******T! From the way they were heading it looks as if he may have gone back to her house and then he will most likely have got what he wants ALL he wants!

Fair enough as you so insensitvely point out that I gave it him on a plate, he should not have taken advantage of my inexperience! His phrase was died and gone to heaven, or done something good in his past life, not his birthday!

After the incident with the girl, he continued to text me to say he loved me, and how I was his everythin, his world, his life everything! He told me he missed me loved me etc etc..

HOW CAN HE MEAN THAT WHEN HE HAS HIS TONGUE DOWN SOMEONE Else's THROAT ALL NIGHT AND HAND ALL OVER HER BOOBS AND AND WALK OFF HAND IN HAND TO A HOUSE!?

No one can surely feel sorry for this guy, I'm fuming, as he is still texting me now saying love you babe, and as I'm out tonight with my girlfriends he sent me a message saying love you, have a great night, let me know when your home and safe!

He is trying to make me feel bad, and you must be able to see that! Please don't feel sorry for this guy!

[s_cianci]

I'd stay away. This doesn't sound like a healthy situation. I agree that you should have made all of your feelings known up front. But that's water under the dam now. Stay away and be happy without him.

[clafairey]

I think you should steer well clear of this guy, change your phone number asap if possible.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to leave this guy alone. He used you and your body, took advantage of the fact that you can't say no.
Take this as a lesson learned. Don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with just to keep a guy, especially one you have not even known that long.
Just say "good riddance to bad rubbish" He is not worth a second chance or thought In my opinion

[Bluerose]

goldengirl1,

I apologise. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. But surely you see what being too 'co-operative' can do to a relationship. You may have gave it up too soon but, yes, he did take advantage of that. As for him being out on the town and texing you to say he was home alone suffering without you. Okay that does put a different slant on things. Just make sure his friends, and even your friends, aren't just trying to stir things up. If he really is as bad as you say just drop him like a hot brick and walk away. End of story. And don't rush into things next time. Take care of you. :)