[marie_12]

While I was about 7 months pregnant my husband started cheating on me with one of his co workers. I found text messages on his phone and asked him what the hell was going on and he said it was nothing. About 2 days later he was called into work and had to write a statement about what went on, and sent on leave. He said it was for going out and having drinks with fellow co workers. Well, while in the hospital he gets another message from this girl.. I had just had an 911 csection. Anyway so about a month goes by and I know I'm not getting the full story or the truth. I go to log onto my email and his is up so I snoop I find the statement he had to write and come to find out he was having an affair, so I called him and asked him again he said the same thing and I started to read and all he could say was how did you find that? So I asked him again what happened... It only happened one time. Lies again. I got the full story after she told me. He finally came clean. I am thinking about divorcing him because he doesn't deserve me... The only thing is I just had a baby 7 weeks ago. I do want to work it out, but at the same time I feel betrayed and hurt by what he has done. Plus I don't think I can ever trust him again. I don't know what to do to be honest. He wants to work it out because he says he loves me.. Okay, yeah. He says he wasn't thinking and that its normal for expecting fathers to cheat... That he read in this fatherhood book. What gets me the most is that he lied to my face about it several times. Any advice

[Synnen]

Marriage counseling.

If you want to save your marriage, you're going to NEED it--BOTH of you.

This man is going to be in your life forever--you're linked by a child--but only YOU can decide whether you can forgive him and move on.

Trust takes a LONG time to regain, and he's got a lot of work ahead of him. BUT--if he truly DOES reform, you have to let it go, too--you can't throw it in his face every time he does something that hurts you years down the road.

You're going to need help to get through this. See a licensed marriage counselor, a clergyperson, SOMEONE--because you have the right to be angry and hurt, and you also have the right to choose to walk away. Just remember that you're going to have to talk to this man the rest of your life, because of your child, so you're going to have to figure out a way to at least be civil to him if you DO decide to leave.

[KalFour]

Hi Marie,
Only you can decide whether you'll be able to forgive him. I totally agree with Syn's advise about seeing a counsellor. You need to get some things out in the open and to make sure that there will be honesty from now on.
He has no excuse to have cheated, there's no way he can argue that, but there's a possibility that he can resume his monogamous nature and you can go on as before. The question is, do you want to? Can you let things go?
Remember, no matter what you decide, the baby will always tie you together.
I hope everything works out,

Kal

[marie_12]

We had decided on getting help. I just want him to be honest with me no matter what. He's spun a web of lies so I don't know if he can be honest with me at this point. I'm angry by what he's done and the way he treated me during that time.