[Romefalls19]

It will only set you back to day 1... And I don't want to go back to that. As far as I'm concerned, she ended it and it was her choice... It's over unless she makes the attempt.. I'm not going through rejection again

[EuRa]

MLB, you need to start searching for another girl PRONTO! Use Myspace, use craigslist, use Yahoo personals, go out to a bar, laundramat, etc. Time for a date! She's making you wonder, is she? Time to make her wonder. She knows you're sitting around feeling miserable and waiting for her. THAT HELPS HER! Do you really want to help her get over you easily?

I wouldn't. Get out there soldier!

[EuRa]

By the way, I was with a girl for 2 years. She dumped me, moved on with someone else for a week or two. It's called a rebound. I also moved on, and just as I was about to date someone else (she had no idea), she called me.

We're back together! So it happens.

[HurtingALot]

I am in a similar position as we didn't officially say the words "We're through" this time and I guess I am still considered the dumper... (If you read my post, you'll see what I'm saying.)

I think, at least for me, it's better this way. I still wonder what he's thinking and if he feels like we're really done... (I don't think so... but I could be wrong.) If I were you, I would just go about my business and do what's best for you right now. That's what I'm trying to do.

If they have the realization that they are idiots and can't live without us... Great. We'll deal with it then.

Until then... gotta keep living somehow. I am hopeful that he does come back and I am strong enough to say No. I hope. I'm not there yet now though!!

[BMI]

Calling to get closure is an excuse to call and speak to her my man.

You have this idea that you NEED closure and so it convinces you that you MUST call for your own sanity or healing process. In reality you want to speak to her and hopefully she will respond with I miss you and want to see you or something like.

Your in a good position right now, although that may sound crazy to you at this point. You have no clue what she is up to, maybe she misses you, maybe she is with another guy? Chances are she is not ready to take you backand so calling her would be a huge disaster, yo will gain no information other than what she wants you to hear. If we have deduced that she is not ready to take you back than you can eliminate that response and that leaves us with only negative responses. IF she lets on about a b/f you will be kicking yourself for ever finding that out when the option to leave it alone was present.

I called my ex about a month after the break-up and she had alllll the power. I called to clear stuff up but deep down wanted to find out what state of mind she was in regarding her feeling for me. She acted like a complete dork, telling me how great she has been doing and this and that. Her voice gave it away but the lesson is that they too would like to be missed and if you call you take that role and they sit back and soak it up. DON'T be foolish, learn from others and stay away from the phone and her at this point.

Wonderful idea about imagination causing more problems than reality. My imagination had my ex-girl sleeping with all kinds of guys and this and that. The beauty of NC is thatyou will never know these things, to me that is better than anything right now:)

[Romefalls19]

Then what do I do considering my ex still owes me $240! I will probably just write it off as a lesson learned lol

And yes BMI.. Ignorance is bliss... cliche but still works

[MLB33]

Eura, you said that she needs to know I'm out with another girl maybe. Shortly following that you said that you and your ex were back together and it happened right before you were going to go out with someone new. However, you then said, that she had no idea you were going out... so, a little confused. You said she needed to know but then said your ex at the time had no idea.

Rome and bmi, I know you know what this is like. And yeah bmi your right and I knew why I wanted to call. I really do want her to say she misses me and yada yada but I also really would like for closure. When me and her broke up before (I did it for this same reason) she told me when we got back together that she didn't do anything with anybody because she knew if me and her would ever have another chance this would stop it from happening. I know you can't wait forever, but is there ever a reason to wait at all?? I mean, she may genuinly need some time who knows. Maybe I'm just a fool who know. Obviously not me

[BMI]

MLB,

Even though she may know that dating someone may kill your chances of getting back together, she may still doit or at least play that card. Sometimes you do what you want y'know, despite the advice given, I have been there too, evryone on here told me not to do what I was going to do and I did it anyway.

Whatever you decide to do I will understand and try my best to help out, but right now I got to try to talk you out of doing anything.

[MLB33]

Yeah, I know I can do anything I want and it be OK you know? BUT, I don't want to do anything with anybody right now. Just not ready to, its been 9 days since we broke up and 9 days of NC. I really have a weird feeling she will come around. Maybe because when I broke up with her it took a month and a half but then I did realize everything. This is not to say she is going to but anyway back to the subject. I know that anything I do will be a rebound. I DO NOT want to jeopardize anything because of some rebound deal.

[Romefalls19]

MLb that is very smart, I'm taking the same approach. I have met a great girl, and we really connect and text all day. She's a sweetheart, but I also know I'm not ready for a commitment yet, I still have very very strong feelings for my ex and know that if she came back, I would more than likely want to work things out with her. Until I get to that point I don't want to jump into a relationship

[MLB33]

Yeah this blows, I just want to freakin know if she misses me. I know she misses me, I know she does and she is the kind of person that would tell me I think. I had a lot of pride, always have had a lot of pride, so has she, but it has never stopped us before from fixing an argument or something like that. So I don't think it's a pride issue. I just wonder if she is with this other guy. Wondering sucks. I mean I want to know, but I know that its in my best interest to just not know because that would absolutely be the last nail in the coffin you know? I wish time would move faster. Just so I would know what was going to happen with her.

[Romefalls19]

Yea, or in my case I could go back and not start the stupid argument and realize hey, I need help with this jealousy issue before it was too late. But I can't change time, but time can change me. Which I am doing

[HurtingALot]

Just got to breathe... that's what I keep telling myself.

It is awful... but nothing awful lasts forever.

WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH NO MATTER WHAT!

[MLB33]

This is why I like talking to you two. Anything I say just gets blasted if its not that I hate her and blah blah. Anyway, thanks. I do want her back. I guess the NC thing is the absolute best way, not to win her back, but to see if she really does love me and miss me. I don't know anything else to do. Is that truly the best thing. I don't mean best for healing but best to see hwo she really feels? Any kind of contact is out of the question at this point right? Not for me (YES I know this is for me for all of you out there) but just what I said above

[N0help4u]

Sometimes the best "closure" is being strong within yourself and who you are and realizing that others can't take that away.
I wouldn't bother contacting her because she evidently made up the 'need space' excuse to let you down easy and she may have had this 'friend' waiting and doesn't want you to know until it is too obvious to deny. So where is closure with someone who isn't honest within the closure. Closure is just an excuse for prolonging the inevitable and can be a bigger heartache in the long run cause it is like self abuse.

[Romefalls19]

Yea, sadly it is the best course of action. I mean how about getting woken up at 3 this morning with a friend saying "I have good news and bad news" so me thinking it's not about my ex says "ok what is it?" and she says "Brianna(my ex) last kiss was you, but she also says she doesn't want to date you again on the survey" I just didn't even reply to the text. People like that make me very angry, it's like thanks. I was moving on, but thanks for pushing me 10 steps back

[MLB33]

Yeah, and see its so easy because I don't know you and your ex. So its easy for me to say just don't worry about it. But you cant! That is pretty dumb though and she might have sent it to get a response from you who knows. Just don't send anything back.

[Romefalls19]

Yea, because me and her agreed when we broke up to still stay on each others friends list so we could be "mature" so I was like OK whatever... I don't look at her myspace or her bulletins strictly for that reason. I'm not going to give her the upperhand in responding to something as childish as a survey that I know she put up strictly to try and get a rise out of me. It won't work, I mean she used to put bulletins up about her last text that made her smile "no comment" and crap like that, that's why I stopped reading them. It would only make me want to text her and find out if she missed me

[MLB33]

Sometimes I just want to call and be like "what the hell is going on here." "Is this it, I'm fine with it if it is the end, but I just want to know for sure so I can fully move on." Is that so bad to do?

[Romefalls19]

Yea, just take it as she has ended it completely. This way you can start to move on and if she comes back then deal with the problems then. But don't open yourself back up, its hard but we can get through this.