[faithless]

I was wondering could someone help me? Im 18 and first started having sex with my boyfriend for the first time last holloween. But I have never orgasmed while havig sex with
Him. Well I've never orgasmed t all because he's my first and I can't seem to tell him. I really love hm and know this will hurt him if he finds out! HELP!:(

[hollylovesbrandon]

Definitely don't lie to him. Never fake it. That just stinks. Lol. Just tell him and you can work out ways together to make you orgasm (toys, position, etc.) plus, make sure you are using some form of protection.

[kp2171]

Scour the thread in adult sexuality...

In fact do a search with "can't orgasm" and read the threads... this is common... so instead of rehashing what's been said, take a look there.

Not saying don't ask questions, but look at the other threads on this subject.

Short answer is that different women respond to different stimuli and the cl!toris is at a lousy place for some positions. Also, much of sex is mental as well as physical, and guys often go too fast and don't understand how to stim you best.

Again... physically one woman can like things another won't. I've dated a girl who could almost get off in tight jeans and I've dated a woman who could almost only get off with light oral sex.

[Xrayman]

I wish I had a dollar for each non-orgasm question posed on this site-I'd be a millionaire!

Do a search throughout this site I'm sure you will be occupied for quite some time!

[Synnen]

You have to know what makes you tick before HE can know--do you think guys just KNOW how to make you orgasm?

Doesn't work like that.

I recommend honest communication with him, and then a few sessions masturbating--with or without him--to figure out what you like.

[Uh-Oh23]

I have found that if she is willing, my G/F have masturbated or otherwise SHOWN ME what she likes to be able to orgasm-this might be embarrassing for you at first, but turn it into a "fun" time for both of you! Us guys need instruction manuals sometimes. That way, all the romantic foreplay(sometimes days before the moment) will pay off for YOU-THE WOMAN, which is really what most guys want. So therefore, do not be embarrassed to talk to him about you going through a learning process. If he doesn't understand, you have about 10 yrs of dating ahead of you anyway, go find somebody who will understand... Good Luck!

[Choux]

I would guess that you want a boyfriend for social and cuddle reasons, not for reasons of passion.

Inner passion for a lover is a must! Otherwise, sex is just work.

When I was a lot younger, I read a book by Anais Nin to help me loosen up about sex. I had many mighty fine orgasms from just reading her erotica. Don't confuse erotica with pornography. Stay away from porn. Porn is selling orgasms for men; it's mechanical and women are simply receptacles. Erotica will help you kick in your brain with wonderful stories of hot passion. :):):)

Erotica, ah... "The Little Birds", Erotica by Anais Nin. Or, perhaps, "The Delta of Venus" by Anais Nin.

Good Luck!

[Synnen]

Just to put my 2 pennies in here...

Erotica is porn for women, where men are make-believe and too good to be true, with none of the faults and foibles that men in real life have, who always say the right thing at the right time, making real men faulty from the get-go.

It's all about which stimuli turn you on--for women, it's more mental; for men, it's more visual.

[loveruleslindz]

I was wondering could someone help me? Im 18 and first started having sex with my boyfriend for the first time last holloween. But i have never orgasmed while havig sex with
him. Well ive never orgasmed t all because hes my first and i can't seem to tell him. I really love hm and know this will hurt him if he finds out! HELP!:(

Well mama most girls don't have a climax during intercourse till about 24 u can usually still have a clitorus climax if you don't know what the is it the small bumb above your hole if you rub and play with that you may be able to climax like the other girl said there is always toys oral sex and what not but

[Choux]

Syn,

That doesn't sound like the erotica I read... men weren't like you describe at all! What you describe is not a turn on... sounds like romance novels.

In porn, women are perfect charactures of women, doll like, and simply receptacles. Stay away from porn, check out Anais Nin. :)

[Synnen]

Choux--

I've read good erotica and bad erotica (and good and bad romance novels, too)--just like I've seen good porn and bad porn. I like Anais Nin to a point--but I also found something fascinating about the Marquis de Sade (not necessarily a turn on--just fascinating).

What turns on one person is NOT necessarily what turns the next person on.

Personally, I think that getting in sync, mind-wise, with your partner is the biggest turn on there is. KNOWING that my partner is on the same wavelength as me is a HUGE turn on, whether we're having sex or grocery shopping. Just having that person out there that gets it, that gets ME--wow. All he has to do is say something a bit off the wall at the same time I do, and my knees get weak. And THAT isn't exactly your normal turn-on, hmmm?

People have to do what works for THEM. If that's porn, as a couple--then GREAT! Believe it or not, I've seen some tasteful, romantic, sexy porn that doesn't treat women as objects any more than it treats men as objects. If that's going to NASCAR, and being together all day around all those fast cars--GREAT! If it's a bubble bath together, with those soap crayons where you can draw silly pictures all over each other--GREAT! If it's copping a feel in the movie theatre when you know you might get caught--GREAT! If it works for both of you, terrific!

BUT--my original point to the poster was this: YOU have to know what turns you on, and then let HIM know. It's not an automatic thing! And seriously--if you can't TALK about sex with your partner--if you're not secure enough, trusting enough, and in love enough to TALK about it, then you shouldn't be HAVING sex.

Intimacy is about more than intercourse, and believe me--if you don't have one, the other isn't going to be much fun.

[kp2171]

BUT--my original point to the poster was this: YOU have to know what turns you on, and then let HIM know. It's not an automatic thing! And seriously--if you can't TALK about sex with your partner--if you're not secure enough, trusting enough, and in love enough to TALK about it, then you shouldn't be HAVING sex.

The best sex I've had is with a woman who knows what she needed... and DEMANDED it.

Maybe I'm wrong, but with a guy its just some version of "push/pull"... vary the tempo, mix in some other stimuli, OK... but its not that hard to understand the male errogenous zone.

The woman, on the other hand, can be "complicated" in that what one likes, another hates. A tongue thrashing on one lover guaranteed an orgasm... and on the next lover it guaranteed a smack upside the head.

You think I'm kidding??

Not.

[Uh-Oh23]

Choux--I have always liked your perspective! I am going to ready Nin to see how the female half "lives" and pass on a copy to my wife. Great suggestion-

[Choux]

You're welcome, Uh-oh, glad to have the positive feedback. :)

[babyrayblue]

I'm with my love on this one. You need to relax... diddle the skiddle... feel your body... feel how it works... "Tell him how you like it, after you figure out how you like it."

"Only you know your own body."

Peace, Love and Happiness