[lorrainemay]

My son is nine. He expressed to me that he wants to live with his father. Throughout all of my son's life, his father has only been around when it was convienent for him. I want my son and his father to have a relationship and I'm even open to the option of him living with his father if he continues to be involved on a constant basis. Dad won't even commnicate with me. Hasn't for the entire nine years. Grandma has always been the "middle man". Grandma is a very manipulative person and has told my children all kinds of lies. Recently, my son told me the reason that dad gave him for not being around was that I kept the children from him. Total bull! His family has more money than me so they bribe him. My daughter is old enough now that she see the truth. How can I explain to my son that it is not the best thing to live with his dad right now without him thinking that I am trying to come between him and his father? That would only imply that the lies they have told were right. It's really putting strain on our relationship. My son has always had anger problems. So now, of course, he's really ticked with me.

[Bluerose]

lorrainemay,

Unless you want to put your foot down and say 'no' to your son living with his father and hope that when he gets older he will understand your decision, I would allow him to go. Nothing beats seeing it with your own eyes. Even if they do buy him lots of things, nothing compensates for the time, love and affection spent on a child. Let him know that you are only a phone call away and that if he wants to come back home all he has to do is call. I personally would make sure he knew that this was a one time offer and not something he can do anytime the mood takes him. Sorry, I can't honestly see any other way around this. As you say he has behaviour issues already and to refuse would only serve to turn him against you even more. If it were my son I would say, "Sure! Here I'll help you pack" like most mothers do when their little kids threatened to run away. I commend your son for having the courage to talk to you about this. Talk to him in an adult way, making everything very clear. I would tell him that I didn't want him to go but if it is what he really wants then I'll help him prepare for it. And I would make sure he knew how much I loved him.


.

[Momma to three]

BTDT... and as bluerose says, there are really only two choices. You can put your foot down and tell your son that you are the parent and you get to make the decision, and the answer is no... or you can let him go live with his father. If you put your foot down, you risk making yourself the bad guy, and pushing your son away from you. If you let him go, you risk dad and grandma turning him against you. You just have to weigh the pros and cons in your particular situation, and decide what will be best for your son at this point. Unless they live close, so he could attend the same school, I wouldn't make any decision until the end of the school year. Perhaps you could suggest that he spend the entire summer with Dad before any final decisions are made.