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stressed mum · Jan 14, 2008, 03:12 AM

My partner has two children by his ex partner, they separated a long time ago and she had made it very difficult for him to see his son and daughter,she has sent him nasty & treatening text messages and has pestered him for money, he pays child support for them but she wants him to give her cash and says if he don't give it to her she will tell the children he is dead. What can he do? The children are 11 & 14 years old:confused:

sarah85leo · Jan 14, 2008, 04:58 AM

Have your partner contact a family law attorney and he/she will be able to discuss options. Has your partner established legal paternity for the children? If not, that is something that he needs to discuss with the attorney. If the ex is currently using illegal drugs, that must be reported to social services. The ex can lose custody is she is seen as an unfit parent. Since your partner is paying child support, he have every right to see his children. Your best bet would be to contact a family attorney and establish visitation or discuss other options that may be considered like trying to get sole custody, etc.

macksmom · Jan 14, 2008, 06:01 AM

Is child support set up through the courts? If not, that is where he needs to start. He needs to file for visitation, at which time the mother will most likely add child support to the case.
But he needs to get a court order for both issues, that would take a lot of the hassle out.

Make sure he isn't giving her cash... he should give her a check or money order, something that he can photocopy with her name on it to show as proof that he is paying child support. This can be used in court to count for arreages. Some judges will take it but there are those that won't.

ScottGem · Jan 14, 2008, 07:30 AM

Of course he has rights to see his children. Why would you even think otherwise? His problem is not whether he has rights but in enforcing the rights he has. So the question becomes what can he enforce? This leads to the question of whether a court ordered custody/visitation order was put in place when they split. If none is in place then he needs to go to court to set one up. If one is in place then he needs to get a court to order the ex to adhere to it.

stressed mum · Jan 14, 2008, 09:25 AM

There was no court order/visitation order put in place when they slit but he did have some contact with his children until she moved away and now he don't know where his children are living and has no contact number for them.

ScottGem · Jan 14, 2008, 09:27 AM

Well that's his fault then for not formalizing things. What he needs to do is find out where they are. Then file in court for visitation rights.

stressed mum · Jan 14, 2008, 09:31 AM

Do you have any tips on how he can find them as all the contact numbers he has for his ex,s family have changed as well

ScottGem · Jan 14, 2008, 09:34 AM

If he has any idea where they moved to you he can try checking schools to see if they are registered. But he may need to hire a PI to find them. You said he was paying child support? Who is he paying it to?

stressed mum · Jan 14, 2008, 09:38 AM

He is paying through the CSA

ScottGem · Jan 14, 2008, 09:49 AM

Contact the CSA and ask where the checks are being sent (they may not tell him. ThouGH). If they don't, have him file a petititon in Family court for visitation rights and subpeona CSA records. He would be better off getting an attorney to do this.

stressed mum · Jan 14, 2008, 09:55 AM

Thank you this has been very helpful. I wonder if you would have any ideas on how I can get my ex partner to have more contact with my 4 children?

ScottGem · Jan 14, 2008, 09:56 AM

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.If he won't step up and be a good father its his loss..

JudyKayTee · Jan 14, 2008, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by stressed mum

thank you this has been very helpful. i wonder if you would have any ideas on how i can get my ex partner to have more contact with my 4 children?

Do you have a support or visitation order for your 4 children? Does the X pay support? And, no, you can't force people to be responsible parents.

As far as your partner's children - hire a Private Investigator to locate their address. Should be fast and relatively inexpensive. If the mother is text messaging your partner you should be able to tell the address/phone number she's using.

I doubt the Court will give you the info. Some Family Courts will allow you to begin an action and they will find the correct address, others will not.