What If.

talaniman · Jan 9, 2008, 09:42 AM

Be polite, keep it short, stay busy.

Romefalls19 · Jan 9, 2008, 09:45 AM

Thanks... I was planning on trying to avoid or keep it short but not in an a hole way... I have been doing the NC for about 3 days... Granted my friends told me that's nothing.. but it is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. But it's been 10 solid days without looking at her myspace.. So I'm happy about that one

ISneezeFunny · Jan 9, 2008, 10:10 AM

Just keep it simple.

I'm sort of in the same boat as you... as school will be starting next week. My ex's friend DID ask me if I missed my ex last week... and there's really no way of answering that. I said, YEAH. I DO. And she said, YEAH. SHE MISSES YOU TOO. Then I changed the topic.

Really... how do you avoid that? You can't say NO.. . because that just sounds like you're putting up a fake wall everyone can see. You can't change the topic... you can't say LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE... so I just answered it. And moved on.

If she asks if you're with anyone... you can either say:

I'VE BEEN DATING HERE AND THERE... NOTHING SERIOUS
EHH... NOT REALLY...
YEAH, AND SHE'S AWESOME

... remember that whatever you say will get back to the ex.

If your ex tries to talk to you (my ex WILL try to talk to me next week), I decided... that I'd keep it simple. Not ignore her... but simply say HI. How are you? And just... keep walking.

Good luck.

Romefalls19 · Jan 9, 2008, 10:16 AM

Ha ha... Yea.. The missing her question is the one that I am most afraid of because there is no right answer for that one. Because if I say "No" Im lying.. If I say "Yes" then that might put the NC situation in jeapordy because depending on the response from her friend might get my hopes up again. As for the dating question I will probably go with the Ehh.. not really.. And yea, simple hello, how are you seems to be the right message for my ex.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 9, 2008, 10:19 AM

Well, even if her friend says SHE MISSES YOU TOO, it won't mean jack to me. I won't let it. Why? Because what else is she going to say? OH REALLY? YOU MISS HER? BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T MISS YOU AT ALL!. can't say that. I guess she could say AWW... or OH... I SEE... but that's it.

Don't let it get to you. When the ex finds out that you're doing fine... not thinking about her (or at least acting like you're not) and getting on with your life, she'll be bamboozled and then you'll gain that power.

Romefalls19 · Jan 9, 2008, 10:20 AM

Yea... I have some nice supportive friends... then the not so supportive ones. Like today I told my one friend.. Yea it's my 3rd day with NC with bri(my ex) and he goes "3 days...that's it? that's nothing"

mafiaangel180 · Jan 9, 2008, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

1. What should I do if her friend asks "Do I miss my ex" "If I am seeing anyone else" "Am I still getting the help I was getting" and anything of that short..

First and foremost, it is not this girls business. To handle this, be super polite, thank her for being concerned or whatever, but politely tell her that you really don't feel like discussing it at work. For example...

"Hi, it's really nice your concerned, you're a great friend to (insert ex's name here). But I really don't think I want to talk about this at work." Then, if she says something about wanting to talk about it online... just block her lol.

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

2. What should I do if my ex tries to talk to me?

I know from first hand experience what working with an ex is like. UGH!! Keep it polite and to a minimum. "Hi," "I'm fine thanks," etc. Again, you might want to try using the sentence above...

ISneezeFunny · Jan 9, 2008, 10:24 AM

Haha. It's true. It is nothing... however, the first 2 weeks suck. Really really badly. But around the 3rd or 4th week, you start to feel better. I'm on week 5. I still miss her. I still want to talk to her. But it's getting much easier. I'm having an easier time sleeping... and I don't check my phone the minute I wake up. I've been going to the gym, going out with my friends... it's just better.

Romefalls19 · Jan 9, 2008, 10:25 AM

Mafia always comes in with the quick polite lines... Her friend is the same one that IMed the other night.. and since then she has been online every so often, but hasn't IMed.. So I'm taking that as a sign of it was my ex and her on her friends screen name... I'm just going to play it cool and be polite and say It's not appropriate to discuss at work right now but thanks for the concern... Basically exactly what you said

Romefalls19 · Jan 9, 2008, 10:27 AM

Yea.. The gym, friends and the amazing time consuming Nintendo Wii have been consuming my time. I play that thing and it just goes on for hours! I'm 21, I shouldn't have that much fun with it but it's too addicting ha ha

mafiaangel180 · Jan 9, 2008, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

mafia always comes in with the quick polite lines...Her friend is the same one that IMed the other night..and since then she has been online every so often, but hasn't IMed..So I'm taking that as a sign of it was my ex and her on her friends screen name...I'm just going to play it cool and be polite and say It's not appropriate to discuss at work right now but thanks for the concern...Basically exactly what you said

Lol that's cause I'm so used to dealing with people who cry at the drop of a hat or who get offended easily. Lol. Plus if you make it out to be "you being uncomfortable or not in the mood to talk at work," she can't really say anything negative like that. Plus you're complimenting her so win/win. Lol.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 9, 2008, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Yea..The gym, friends and the amazing time consuming Nintendo Wii have been consuming my time. I play that thing and it just goes on for hours! I'm 21, I shouldn't have that much fun with it but it's too addicting ha ha

I find it amazing how men can lose themselves in videogames. Lol. Almost all of my past boyfriends did that. And unfortunately, I can't seem to... because it would be a nice distraction.

Romefalls19 · Jan 9, 2008, 11:11 AM

Oh it is... I felt like such a child playing the Wii at first.. Now I see it as a good source of killing time so I don't have that urge to text my ex.. Until I start to lay down and go to sleep.. It is horrible

Romefalls19 · Jan 10, 2008, 06:26 AM

I just wanted to give you guys a quick update on what happened last night and tell me if I did the right thing. I was outside talking to one of my good friends when all of a sudden this SUV drives past my house really slowly, it didn't really get noticed, until it drove by again... This time I was a little confused. So then the 3rd time they drove by the practically stopped at my neighbors for a min and then crept by really slow, meanwhile someone is ducking in the backseat and all you hear is a bunch of girls laughing... Then they come back again!! This time stop just in front of my friends car, but far enough so I couldn't see who it was. They then turn into my neighbors drive to come back again, and then I hear some girl say "we can't drive by yet again" they pull back out and go the same way they were going... So immediately I'm thinking it's my ex. My one guy friend dates my ex's good friend and he said his girlfriend was out with her friends having a "girls night out" Once this happened I picked up my phone, started to text her saying "If you're going to drive by my house this many times, stop and say something" but I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket...

I don't want to read too much into this, what do you guys think? I still kept the no contact.. Didn't text or call her or anything... Was she looking for a response?

HistorianChick · Jan 10, 2008, 08:13 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket...

Good job! Don't play the game. You're bigger than that. Sadly, people do things just to invoke a response... but you are in control! Proud of you! :)

Romefalls19 · Jan 10, 2008, 08:15 AM

Yea.. I feel she was looking for a reaction and now it's killing her that I'm not giving her the attention I used too.. Sadly though, I know if she did say that she noticed a change in me and wanted to try again I would think about it but eventually give in.. Break up was my fault so it's not like it was for her to go meet other guys or anything.

HistorianChick · Jan 10, 2008, 08:20 AM

Matters of the heart are always tricky. Believe me, I know!

Sadly, such matters often become a game... and games in which your heart is involved are never fun. Hang in there... you're doing well. :)

BMI · Jan 10, 2008, 08:21 AM

It was a good move on your part and a realllllllllllllly childish, stupid move on her part. I mean if she was 16-18 (she isn't right?) than perhaps I could understand teenagers acting this way, any older and it really is pathetic for her to engage in this type of behaviour.

Texting her would have been an awful mistake. The thing about stuff like this is although you are 98% sure it was her (and you are probably right) you never did actually see her and so calling to accuse her would have been wrong on your part, plus I doubt she would admit it anyway.

KEEP your n/c and forget about it. She did it for attention over you not calling her, by not calling or messaging her it makes her even more desperate and that shows. YOU have all the control right now, but be warned that ANY move on your part save N/C will give it alllllll back and ruin what you have established.

Goooood Luck!

Romefalls19 · Jan 10, 2008, 08:31 AM

Like I was saying to my friends at my other job.. Basically what she did last night was say "Here, I had the ball in my court, but you know what, I don't want it anymore...You take it"

Sadly she is 20 but when she gets with her friends.. She acts like a child. I am definitely going to continue with this NC and see how much better I get. Yesterday was a really big test, and it appears as though I passed with flying colors.

mafiaangel180 · Jan 14, 2008, 07:10 AM

So what happened with this? Did any of them try to talk to you at work?

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