[heidi gourgue]

I have been married for 7 years we have 3 boys and we have had our shares of ups and downs like any normal relationship we have been separated before because he has cheated on me in the past but always managed to work things out and get back togther this last time we had split up for 3 months I thought it was for good and I had even filled for divorce somehow the spark came back between us and we were able to work it out again and the past 3 months have been the happiest 3 months ever in the entire relationship and last weekend he came clean and admitted about having a one night stand while we were separated and now she is 3 months pregnant and says it is his child. We have to wait till the child is born in June to make sure it is his child but he is more then 100% it is. I love my husband and we have spend the past 7 years struglling to finally get to where we are now and I am very confused. He doesn't want anything to do with the girl but he is going to be a part of that child's life. So I have to choose if I can learn to deal with this new child in our lives or if I should walk away and basically have the past 7 years and everything we have made together the family the children everything go down the drain and let this new women come in the picture and take him and my happiness away. A part of me wants to stick by his side and I hope it is not his child but a part of me is terrified this is his child and I am not going to be strong enough to stick by his side. Please help me and give me some advice on what I should do.

[talaniman]

I think you want to stay, but are afraid what the future will bring. I don't know why he is so sure its his, but that will be settled. In the meantime, you to need to talk ,and get some solidarity in this relationship, as you need to be reassured of his future faithfulness, and commitment to you, and family. If its his, the court can lay out the guidelines and visitations, and suport payments. I urge you to discuss letting the court do their job. Having legal boundaries set, and not agreements, keeps both sides honest, and takes a lot of the control, and games people play, out of this situation. That only leaves what's best for the child, and even your own children are a factor here also. Think and talk, but don't worry. It will work out. Work together, don't argue. Good Luck.

[hopfaithlove]

I have been trying to find someone that is going through the same thing as I am. And seems that our situations are pretty similar, we've had our ups and downs as well for 8 years, we have 2 girls 7 & 4. my husband did not want to have anything to do with the situation and truly believed it wasn't his. He's a recovering alcoholic and however relapsed when she remarkably conceived. (thats why we weren't together, the drinking) the other girl has done nothing but cause problems, he cares about the child which is a girl and now 1. its not the child's fault. But its been a rough road. We love each other more than anything, but this is such a hard obstacle. Today he is going to counceling with the mother to try and arrange parent time. The hard part is that I know this girl did it on purpose, she's 31 and already had 2 children. The way we found out was when she was 5 months pregnant and claimed she was only a few weeks along, then she didn't know... it was all a game. She followed him out here to AZ from Cali after only knowing him for 3 months... and she brought her other 2 children. I think its great to be spontaneous, but up and moving to another state with children seems a little risky... he really wanted to adopt the child out so it could have a "normal" life, whatever normal is anymore. But the mother was back and forth, which I can understand it would be hard to give away a child, but what is best for the child?. the baby has almost died twice, but things seem to be more stable. The other lady has done nothing but play games, she has stopped and started child support orders now 4 times, she refuses for us to see the baby, she want my husband off the birth certificate, which she put him on, its back and forth. The courts are involved completely now but its not a very quick process. I really went into shock when I first found out everything, I've come along ways since all hell broke loose so to speak. But its still a process and struggle. And a lot of forgiving daily! (somedays are better than others!) I'm glad there is someone else out there somewhat like me, if you ever want to chat, I'm all for it. I think we need support in this too, doing the right thing is not easy. But if it was easy we'd all be doing what right... if you and your husband are happy and in love then follow your heart, you know that... I just try to put myself in the child's situation... where and how will this child be and feel in 10-20 years?. will he/she feel abandoned or some sense of unacceptance. Who knows, my mind just runs when I think about it... the possiblilities are endless. Its not only about the new child, it also the children already here and involved. At first I didn't want my girls to know anything, I thought what are we teaching our kids? New ones just show up from other places? Morals? But we all make mistakes, I've made my fair share. Some mistakes just have more of a ripple effect than others... My girls now know about there little half sister, my oldest just said it was weird at first, we are open with our kids and they know nobody is perfect. But after about 6 mo. Or so my oldest is interested in seeing her someday, which is now in the courts hands... in the end it will work out the way that it is supposed to. With God all things are possible. Stay positive, and don't let someone else get you down.