[Tuscany]

What the h*ll... Who gave you the right to say who is and who isnt ready for sex... I am quite aware that its just your opinion but you dont have the right and it isnt your place to tell people at what age they should be having sex.. and who said anything about having a child??? its sex! and she's asking a question about SAFE sex so whats your problem man... Try and be a little supportive instead of trying to scare her..

If she wants to and thinks she is ready to have sex then let her do it..its not like any of you can stop her and it would be wrong to try.. and thats MY opinion.

If you have sex you run the chance of getting pregnant. That is just the way that it is. If she is not ready to support a child then she is not ready for sex. As a teacher I interact with many 15 and 16 year olds on a daily basis... not one of them (boy or girl) is ready for the reprecussions of sex. They might feel they are ready for the act, but they are not ready for the consequences of that act.

[ScottGem]

Who gave you the right to say who is and who isnt ready for sex... I am quite aware that its just your opinion but you dont have the right and it isnt your place to tell people at what age they should be having sex.. and who said anything about having a child??? its sex! and she's asking a question about SAFE sex so whats your problem man... Try and be a little supportive instead of trying to scare her..

If she wants to and thinks she is ready to have sex then let her do it..its not like any of you can stop her and it would be wrong to try.. and thats MY opinion.

I am almost amused by this. You ask me what right I have to give the advice I did. You then go on to give your own advice. That is so hypocritical. So I could turn the tables and ask what right do you have to give her advice that could ruin her life? But I'll answer, the same right I have to voice my opinion. At least my advice is meant to help her not make a mistake she could regret. I'm not going to give her advice to risk her future for the sake of a few moments of pleasure as you have.

It IS my place as a concerned citizen and caring individual to give the advice I have. There is no such thing as totally safe sex. No method of birth control is 100% effective. Therefore, I stand by my opinion that no one (no matter what age) should have sexual intercourse unless they are emotionally, physically and financially prepared to have a child. Note that I specify sexual intercourse! There are ways for a couple to be sexually intimate and give pleasure to each other without engaging in sexual intercourse. So I'm not advising people to remain totally chaste, I am aware that is unrealistic.

And why should I be supportive in a case like this? We should be trying to scare her because she is obviously not mature enough to realize the full consequences of her actions. What would be wrong is let her risk ruining her life without at least understanding all the consequences.

The thing that bothers me most about your response though was this; "and who said anything about having a child??? its sex! and she's asking a question about SAFE sex so whats your problem man" You cavalier attitude towards sex is, unfortunately, too typical for today. I was bought up to believe that sexual intimacy, of ANY form, was something shared between two people who have deep feelings for each other. Its not a recreational activity!!

So, my friend, I have EVERY right to give advice that I feel is right. I give advice that is meant to help prevent people from making mistakes. Unlike you who doesn't really care about the person asking.

[excon]

Hello teen girl:

Should you have sex?? No. Are you going to have sex?? Probably, and good for you for thinking ahead.

There are some who would just tell you not to have sex and leave it at that. Then there are some of us who have memories.

You said your mum knows, so she should help you get them. But, you can find a way.

excon

[littlemissconfused]

Yes, I took into account that she might want to go on the pill for period control reasons. But look at her choice of name and consider that she was asked why and never mentioned period control.

I am not giving "cruel" advice. Far from it, the advice I'm giving is to help her not make mistakes. In my opinion its YOU who are giving cruel advice. By telling her its OK to have sex if she thinks she's "truly ready". But I have yet to hear of a 15, 16 or even 17 yr old who is "truly ready" to have a child. You are only 16, you do not have the experience to give such advice. When you have truly grown up, you WILL see the value of the advice we have given.

Sorry to say it but I think your talking complete and utter BS only see knows when she is ready! And its absolute BS again for you to tell her she shouldn't go on the freaking pill if she wants to I think she's being a sensible kid if she's thinking about having sex then going on the pill is wise as condoms are not always effective so really ScottGem you shouldn't be telling people to grow up cause I personally think its people more closer to the age of the person asking are more understanding because adults like yourself shove a whole load of crap down the throat about waiting all your life... Or that your two young please enlighten us ScottGem how old where you when you first had sex hmm?

If any one wants to about my advice further really don't bother cause I don't care

[raggablue]

A lot of my friends take the pill and some of them are 15. But if you take antibiotics the it stops working, hence my existence, and the pill won't protect you from catching STDs

[ScottGem]

Sorry to say it but i think your talking complete and utter BS only see knows when she is ready! And its absolute BS again for you to tell her she shouldnt go on the freaking pill if she wants to i think shes being a sensible kid if shes thinking about having sex then going on the pill is wise as condoms are not always effective so really ScottGem you shouldnt be telling people to grow up cause i personally think its people more closer to the age of the person asking are more understanding because adults like your self shove a whole load of crap down the throat about waiting all your life...Or that your two young please enlighten us ScottGem how old where you when you first had sex hmm?

If any one wants to about my advice futher really dont bother cause i dont care

I bolded a portion of your answer because it shows how wrong your thinking is. The one thing you fail to take into account is experience. That is why the people closer in age ar not always the best judges, they haven't the experience. Experience is a great teacher. Its what makes adults better equipped to take care and advise minors. Its why there is such a thing as minors. And why laws exist to protect them.

I'll point out some other problems in your post. You say she is being sensible by wanting to go on the pill because condoms are not always effective. Well neither is the pill. There is on 100% effective method of birth control. And the pill doesn't protect against STDs as another response mentioned.

You are also wrong when you say "only she knows when she's ready". As I've pointed out she is not ready until she is emotionally, physically and financially ready to support a child. This applies to anyone. This does not mean waiting all your life.

No adult is shoving any "crap" here. We are concerned people who have the experience to understand the ramifications of having sexual intercourse at 15. Your responses show that you do not. Your responses are typical of a teenager who thinks they know better than the old fogy adults. When you become an adult yourself, you will understand that we are right. I don't expect to convince you, as a teen I felt similarly, but having been through it myself, I know how you feel but I also know what's right.

You ask me how old I was when I first had sex. I don't mind answering but it depends on how you define sex. I was a virgin when I married. That doesn't mean I had never been intimate with a girl prior to my wedding. But it does mean that I didn't engage in intercourse. And that's part of what I have been saying. I do no expect teenagers to not experiment or not want to be intimate. But there are ways of being intimate and giving pleasure to your partner without engaging in intercourse.

So, my confused friend, I suggest that you wait a few years until you have more experience under your belt before you advise teenagers that its OK to risk ruining their lives. As for me I continue to advise young people to not try and grow up so fast and enjoy their youth. They will lose it soon enough, don't hurry its loss.

[ScottGem]

raggablue agrees: another response would like to know why 'adults' are always right, just because you are legally an adult doesn't mean you act like an adult. older doesn't always mean wiser, it just means you have more predudice

Older does NOT necessarily mean wiser, but it DOES mean more experienced. And with experience often comes wisdom. The younger one is the less experienced they are. This means they may not have enough information to make an wise decision on an issue.

And, especially when one is talking about sexual relations, where raging hormones can blunt the thinking of even more experienced adults, ateen is even less equipped to know the best course of action.

[brown_eyes_3546]

Well scott I must say that I understand why one would tell teens to abstain from sex but I also have to insist that you try to make some references to safety regarding stds with intimacy. If she is wanting to have sex I would not ever suggest advising against because even if you are a virgin because sometimes that first time "sneaks" up on teens. With the knowledge that it takes a month for because to get into your system if not longer the sooner she gets on it the better and even if she remains a virgin till she is twenty she will have had 5 years to get into the habit of remmebering the pill because if not taken religiously it is less effective. Also because and condoms are more effective together and lets face it the more prevention that is used the less likely to have a child and if she is already considering sex and the pill she probably already has her mind made up to have sex.

You know as well as any that once a person has there mind made up there is no changing it so after you express your opinion you should at least try to give some advice on safety if they insist. That is where many parents fail and that is where the schools sex ed is failing kids today. At 15 I couldn't have told you were to buy a condom. I'm thankful today that my partner was older and did know. I had been through sex ed and knew to use them but had no idea where to get them. Because was my saving grace for a long time because I didn't trust a guy to tell me if the condoom broke. I got on because at 12 just in case I had sex. That was 2 years before I did.

We need to educate kids on how to do it safer if you must do it.

[brown_eyes_3546]

I am sorry the first because is birth control the second is because. I should have caught that.

[ScottGem]

First, I'm not telling teens to abstain from sex, but from sexual intercourse. If one does not engage in sexual intecourse then one does not need birth control. Second, I have never advocated that anyone (teen or otherwise) not practice safe sex. I agree, if you are bound and determined to risk your future by engaging in sexual intecourse, then you should minimize the risks as much as possible.

[Chery]

Scott.. I'm agreeing with you 100%.

I too think that she is not making this choice on her own, and if this is the case, why does the guy not take measures too - like use condoms - and above all - not pressure her into doing a 'grown up thing'.

Grown ups also have to pay their bills, rent, have jobs to support those grown up accidents - like children... Also, have enough grown up financial support to pay medical bills in case of STDs (HIV is a lifetime payment plan - whether we want it or not - and so are children) so it is more 'grown up' to talk about the precautions and make the right choices.

At the age of 15 I was still playing with my barbie dolls, didn't know a thing about sex and got raped. At 18 I thought I was in love, well it turned out I did not know what love was - it was mutual lust - and thank goodness I was on the pill - but we were not 'grown up enough' then to be aware or care about STDs. I was lucky and did not catch anything I didn't want or need. But there were a lot of girls my age who had children, and infections so bad that they could not have children later when they found out what love really meant.

It's obvious that in society today, the urges and pressures for lust are stronger and more accepted - as a matter of fact, more of a 'everybody's doing it' situation that forces us to make different choices. And you suggest the best choice in my opinion - waiting. But we also know that is not reality today.


So... as Tuscany said also, it is best to think about the consequences and repercussions first before taking that step - and NOT let anyone else pressure you into doing things you are not ready for.


Young lady... I thought I knew everything when I was 18... you think you can be grown up at 15.. OK - Good Luck... and I hope that we or your mother never ever have to say 'I told you so' when the time comes and you realize that you did not think everything through.

If I had to do it again, my first thought would be - is this guy worth all the hassle at 15, or do I want to wait a while longer and make sure he's worth it.

No matter what your choice is, I wish you all the best - and hope you take all the safety measures available to you.

P.S. Littlemissconfused - try a little more respect toward people who have opinions other than your's - because as you know - we all have them just like the orifice between our rear cheeks - but we don't need to act like one of these orifices, do we...



Want to be a 'grown up' all the way? Budget your body as you would budget your wallet - if you can't afford to pay, don't play. Period.

[Tuscany]

Older does NOT necessarily mean wiser, but it DOES mean more experienced. And with experience often comes wisdom. The younger one is the less experienced they are. This means they may not have enough information to make an wise decision on an issue.

As my aunt says "Never discount experience."

[raggablue]

How will anyone gain the experience if they have to wait till they have any experience in oreder to be wise enough to experience it?
How, pray did you get your experiance>

[ScottGem]

One can gain experience from listening to and learning from the experience of others.

[raggablue]

What if they prefer to learn kinestheticly?
One can guess from the information they hear but the only true way to progress is to do it yourself, correct?

[Emland]

how will anyone gain the experiance if they have to wait till they have any experiance in oreder to be wise enough to experiance it?
how, pray did you get your experiance>

I learned from hearing about my sister's best friend in college that would bed anything and everything. She has 2 incurable STD's. Now in her mid 40s she has to get her cervix frozen and scraped on a fairly regular basis to attempt to keep the cancer at bay. She also gets outbreaks of the other disease on her face when she is exhausted or overly stressed.

I guess it helped being the youngest of 4. Other people went out and did some stupid stuff before I did and gave me some warning. Some of us listen, observe and learn through other people's experiences.

[AnnieMac713]

I think your too young to worry about being on the pill.I think the longer you wait, the better off you'll be Good things are made to wait, I was 18 when I lost my virinity.You have a lot of life ahead of you, its better if you wait.. THINK ABOUT IT... ;) ]

[Tuscany]

what if they prefer to learn kinestheticly?
one can guess from the information they hear but the only true way to progress is to do it your self, correct?

Wrong- progression can be marked by how you use the information given to you. Others have stated that they have learned from a friend who got an std. GREAT way to learn. Kinesthetic learning does not mean you have to do the actual act to learn about it.

[Synnen]

Ragga and Browneyes--

You act like we completely discount your opinions. We do not.

You act like we're the "old-fogie adults" who were sticks-in-the-mud when we were your age, and couldn't POSSIBLY understand where you're coming from.

I can't decide whether to laugh or cry at that, frankly.

I WAS you. I was the teenager who was an exception to the rules, who hated being judged by "statistics", who felt discriminated against because everyone treated me like all those OTHER teens, when clearly I was different than they were, and deserved to be judged on my own merits.

Believe me--I'm not judging you based on your ages. I could get a purple monkey about your age.

I'm judging you on your chip-in-the-shoulder against all adults attitudes.

At your age, I felt the SAME WAY about so many issues. I STILL think that teens should be educated about sex, and taught about contraceptives. Heck, I just got through with a huge long debate fighting for the rights of teens to access birth control without parental knowledge.

That doesn't mean I support teens having sex. I know from personal experience that all it takes is one time having sex to ruin your life, and I thought I was ready for sex waaaaaaaaay before I actually was. You see--my experiences make me want to prevent others from going through the same things.

Browneyes--would you really want another teen to get pregnant, like you did? Would you really want them to have the experiences with guys that you did? Wouldn't you rather counsel them to WAIT, and NOT got through those things?

That's all we "adults" are saying here. We don't want this girl to make choices that are going to hurt her the rest of her life. We want her to go to college, have a great 21st birthday out drinking with her friends, spend her 20s doing fun and worthwhile things, and settling down when SHE is ready, and able to support herself, and after she's had some FUN. Surely you can support that!

[ScottGem]

There is an OLD, OLD joke about the teenager who thought his parents knew nothing. Then a few years later, when he turned 21, he marvelled at how much his parents had learned during those years.

It wasn't the parents who learned it was the kid he realized how right his parents have been all along.

That's one of the things that is so great about the Internet and sites like these. It opens up a much greater set of experiences to learn from. Many of us are here to share those experiences in the hope that others won't make the mistakes we made or people we know made.