[raggablue]

People who have had it rough seem to me to be the down to earth, sure-self kind. Is that because of what they have been through and what they have had to deal with or is it because they are life aware that they get given a ty hand in the first place. Does the man make the metal or does the metal make the man, chicken or egg?

[brown_eyes_3546]

The metal makes the man because we cannot always help what life throws at us. And as far as the chicken or the egg I say the goose! Because I have no idea and don't care! Lol

[Bluerose]

raggablue,

I say the man makes the metal work for him. If the metal made the man then whatever caused the metal still has control over us. But if we work to over come what caused the metal then we take back control of our lives. We can rise above the bad times and we can use the metal to our advantage, we live learn and move on. We do it! Not the metal but the metal is a part of the equation - it's what made us strong enough to take back control of our lives.

[ScottGem]

The question is really the age old one of nature vs nuture. AndI don't think we are going to solve it here.

I don't believe there is a provable cause/effect here. I think you will find examples on both sides. You will find children that have been raised in abusive homes rising above that to become successful people. You will find others raised with strong church vaues etc, becoming criminals. And vice versa.

[brown_eyes_3546]

I meant that the metal makes the man in the sense that what is put in front of us and how we deal is what makews us who we are. And I remember the nature vs nurture in psychology definantly a question that has no exact answers but we see how it usually turns out but there are always extremes on both sides. Twins are great examples that nurture doesn't mean everything but no one can ever be treated the same way as someone else even if parents try.

[Bluerose]

One person may treat two people identically, the result of which is not how they were treated but their perception of how they were treated. It comes back to that it is not what happened to them but more about their reaction to what happened to them. As children we don't realise this. I personally was able to counteract the results of the abuse once I became aware of the fact that it was more about my perception of what took place. I believe this is where the survivors versus victims comes in - knowledge. We need more facts about the result of abuse, and the knowledge that we can change how we react to the memories of abuse. We don't need to be buried by it. We can rise above it.

[brown_eyes_3546]

I completely agree! My boyfriend was physically abused as a child but I have all faith in him as a father to my baby because he rose above it! Hos brother on the other hand who didn't experience nearly as much thinks that we all owe him something because he had it rough! A nice little heart to heart with I'm about others made him change his mind quite quickly about what I owe him when I left him in jail for two days over xmas!

People all deal with things differently but you are right the ones who are survivors rise above things victims tend to dwell on it.

[N0help4u]

That is what has gotten me to where I am like I just told lifehappens

Like I tell my kids since I owned clunker cars for 30 years I know how to diagnosis the different sounds. Since I had jerks for bf's 20 years I know how to spot the red flags.
People who have never had problems really can't relate to many things that you must have gone through so really in a sense that makes you all the more qualified.
Like my profile page says
Experience:
My reply
What makes me an expert?
Life and the characters and crazys that make it run

[Bluerose]

brown_eyes_3546,

Exactly!

N0help4u,

I'm adding that to my list of one-liners, 'How to rise above it all'

[Bluerose]

ScottGem,

Nature V Nurture. I agree there isn't and can't possibly be a provable cause/effect here or anywhere since everyone is different and reacts in different ways to different treatment. We can hate and hurt each other, but we can also love and still hurt each other. People can love and be loved too much. Making the over-loved just as much a misfit in society as the unloved.

For all of you in pain because of childhood trauma, I would like to share something that helped me a lot. I was suffering badly from the fallout of an abusive childhood when a friend pointed out that I was remembering it from a child's perspective and that I should now try to view it from an adult perspective. So I did and the result was that I realised how young my parents were - my mum was15 when she met my dad, 16 when she was carrying me and just turned 17 when she had me, she had 7 children before she was 30, 2 of them didn't survive. I forgave my parents. Since that wonderful piece of awakening the pain got less and less and my life improved. I would like to wish you all a pain free future.

[brown_eyes_3546]

That is also what it took for me to forgive my parents for everything. I was not physically abused but there were problems. I looked at it from my moms perspective and I forgave her.

[Bluerose]

Yeah. It isn't easy but in the long term it is better for the sake of our health to try to understand and forgive them. If anything good came of it all it's that hopefully it made me a better parent, and gave me the drive to try to help others who may have been in similar situations.

How are you today? Still tucking into your peaches and squirty cheese? :)

[brown_eyes_3546]

No the peaches and squirty cheese is over. I'm on to ham and spam sandwhiches with the mayonaise that has a blue label! I haven't had a craving for more than 2 or 3 days at a time so my boyfriend doesn't die from seeing me eat "those disgusting combos". ;o)

I feel better about myself for forgiving them. They still hate me for the hell I put them through but when you hae kids expect it. Were no more perfect than they are!

[Bluerose]

I can't believe they hate you. Maybe they were just upset. Like I said before you sound strong, hopefully when they see how you are doing they'll come around. Mind it's pretty hard in the beginning with a new baby, you could rope them in to help out.

[brown_eyes_3546]

My mom wanted to put me up for adoption and my dad wouldn't sign the papers and she didn't want my dad to have me so she kept me.

She regrets it.