[stephnola]

I have been in a relationship that started in 2005 and we split up twice in the past two years. There are many issues in our relationship that are frustrating... tonight, I really just need to vent. I think that we are breaking up which is probably for the best. I have gotten to the point now where I am angry with him MOST of the time. All he wants to do is sit in front of the TV and eat. He doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to go out and do anything, and we almost never have sex. He hasn't initiated sex with me in at least 3-4 months. 90% of the time, when I try to initiate sex, he says he doesn't feel well or isn't in the mood. I have tried numerous times to talk to him when I am not angry and have a conversation about how to improve the relationship and his response is "I don't want to talk". If he ever does say anything else, he says "you're always ing". I don't know how "ing" is defined, but to him, it means anything other than sitting and staring at the TV. When I talk to him, I don't ever say "YOU are doing this wrong", I always say "this is how I feel, what can we do about it?" I don't think that is ing. I know that we are not good for each other, we are not a match on any level any more (we used to at least have a decent sexual relationship) and I am rarely EVER happy around him. I would be inclined to think that it is something that I am doing, but I have never had these problems in any other relationship. The problem now is that we live together and this will take a while to resolve (he has no other place to go because this summer we moved out of state)- so it will take some time for him to find another apartment or make arrangements to go back home. In many ways I just want out. I don't know why I keep holding on to hope that he will change and do something different. That just once he will listen to me and say "let's try this" or "I care how you feel". I ended this relationship six months ago and he returned home to New Orleans (where we are from). He came back three months ago insisting that we work it out. I took him back then, against my better judgment. If he cares so much about this relationship then WHY won't he DO something about it? You can't just sit in front of the TV and eat all the time (there is no conversation allowed while the TV is on) and expect to have a happy girlfriend. He gave me an engagement ring for Christmas and I almost wanted to laugh. I simply don't understand and I don't know how to get through to him so that he will hear me. Now, I am not even sure that I want to try any more. Life is too short to be miserable. I just need to figure out how to get in the space that lets me leave the relationship without giving in when he decides to beg me to stay. AAAGGGGHHHH. I just want to scream. :mad:

[rachel101]

My experience is that it doesn't get better without communication. My experience also is that when you don't throw them out because "he doesn't have a place to go" they stay and keep taking advantage. I've also learned that trying to be decent and fair isn't a language everyone speaks. Don't worry about giving him a place to live. He can't be bothered to have a relationship with you so why should you be bothered to worry about his well being. Just toss him out on a commercial, maybe he'll move fast to get to the next TV so he won't miss his precious programs.

[talaniman]

So the problem is you can't say NO to him, sounds like your problem not his. Make a decision and stick to it.

[stephnola]

My experience is that it doesn't get better without communication. My experience also is that when you don't throw them out because "he doesn't have a place to go" they stay and keep taking advantage. I've also learned that trying to be decent and fair isn't a language everyone speaks. Don't worry about giving him a place to live. He can't be bothered to have a relationship with you so why should you be bothered to worry about his well being. Just toss him out on a commercial, maybe he'll move fast to get to the next tv so he won't miss his precious programs.

:) :) Thanks for laugh Rachel. I agree. The commercial idea might work!!

[stephnola]

So the problem is you can't say NO to him, sounds like your problem not his. Make a decision and stick to it.

Thank you, o wise one.

[talaniman]

Your welcome, don't know about the wise, but with some guys actions, are easier to understand, if you throw out the TV, he will follow (kidding, sort of) Then let his pleas fall on deaf ears.