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thatsmeonlyne · Jan 3, 2008, 09:13 PM

I am a male from a conservative Indian family. Recently, I was forced to accept a marriage proposal brought forward by my family members. We are getting engaged, later this month. I did not like her, as she is not very attractive. Otherwise she is a perfect girl for me. I am totally confused about moving further in our relation. Sometimes, I feel looks doesn't matter much, and sometimes I see a complete void, imagining my future with her. Oflate I started thinking, on ways to avoid engagement, that is to happen soon. Again, sometimes, I feel sad for her and feel that I should not hurt her and need to proceed with our relationship. She is really caring and affectionate and has lots of hopes on me. Should I proceed further with this relationship ? Am I playing with her sentiments and cheating her? How I can cope up with this situation ? Please Advise.

Wondergirl · Jan 3, 2008, 09:49 PM

What do you mean that she's not very attractive? And would you rather marry a beautiful woman who has no love in her heart? Maybe there are ways to reframe in your own head how your intended appears to you.

George_1950 · Jan 3, 2008, 09:54 PM

You have to decide: do I want to pursue romantic love with a woman who has my heart? Or, do I want to follow the customs of my homeland and participate in a planned marriage. Only you can make that decision because no one knows what is going to happen in the future; no one can tell you which way is right.

talaniman · Jan 6, 2008, 04:05 PM

What are the consequenses of doing what you want??

donf · Jan 6, 2008, 04:53 PM

Question, are you in the USA or in India?

Rules have so changed much over time, why are you being forced? Does your betrothed feel the same way? Maybe in her eyes your not attractive or even worse, maybe your are attractive but an arrogant or superior attitude make you a bad selection.

You are not the only one stuck in this mess. Please stop and consider the young lady!

Besides, family to family marriages may not be so bad. Who knows you better, mom or the old biddy down the street. My guess the old biddy to tell you more about yourself than your mom.

In my case, both our moms worked together at the same hospital in New York. They decided to do some matchmaking and picked my older brother Rich for Bonnie, however fate in the form of the US Marine Corps intervened and I had to be subbed for Rich. Bonnie and I still get along great and its only been 42 years. :)

Fr_Chuck · Jan 6, 2008, 06:58 PM

There is so much more for a wife than outter appearance. And any marriage will and can work if you work at it.

thatsmeonlyne · Jan 7, 2008, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by donf

Question, are you in the USA or in India?

Rules have so changed much over time, why are you being forced? Does your betrothed feel the same way? Maybe in her eyes your not attractive or even worse, maybe your are attractive but an arrogant or superior attitude make you a bad selection.

You are not the only one stuck in this mess. Please stop and consider the young lady!

Besides, family to family marriages may not be so bad. Who knows you better, mom or the old biddy down the street. My guess the old biddy to tell you more about yourself than your mom.

In my case, both our moms worked together at the same hospital in New York. They decided to do some matchmaking and picked my older brother Rich for Bonnie, however fate in the form of the US Marine Corps intervened and I had to be subbed for Rich. Bonnie and I still get along great and its only been 42 years. :)

Hello Donf,
I am from India. Thanks for you wise words. They are making me come out of my distorted perspective about her.