[in a state]

Numb,how are you doing?left us for happier places or are you still fighting?share it with us!

[Maggie83]

If you must see her and you want to see her go with an open mind, take what comes your way but don't expect too much she may just be checking up on you, I don't know if I was an expert I wouldn't be single lol!

[CaliCool]

NC for 24 hrs now. Feeling sick to my stomach. I will try not to initiate any contact. But disgusted at myself for checking email every 10 minutes and staring at the phone. God this is so hard!

[ihatewestseneca]

Hang in there cali, hang out with your friends, play video games... whatever, keep your mind focused and it'll get easier.

[Maggie83]

Its always hard at first and it will be really hard, I'm three weeks in, my ex text me a chain text about a week ago but because it wasn't about me and her I ignored it... everyday has been a struggle to stop myself contacting her since but it will pass and I will get better as will you just hang in there!

[friend4u178]

NC for 24 hrs now. Feeling sick to my stomach. I will try not to initiate any contact. But disgusted at myself for checking email every 10 minutes and staring at the phone. God this is so hard!

Cali
You are in the early stages and the feelings you have at the moment are perfectly normal. Read the link at the bottom of my signature and don't fall into the trap of doing all these things , it will help you to start healing and also keep your dignity.

Best wishes and remember we are all here when you need to vent.

[lunchboxau]

Im on day 19 now and feeling not entirely happy about things, but am now able to at least reason why certain things occurred and even better not blame myself for everything. We lived together and worked together which made thing awkward but she works elsewhere now (funny how that would have made things easier if the relationship started now instead of then, but it would have drawn out what wasn't a relationship designed to work forever I guess. Sometimes a little pressure on a couple might actively help see what people are really like?).

Unfortunately she is still required to come into my workplace occasionally. I wouldn't mind what people's opinion of the best way to continue NC is in this situation? I can easily change my work hours to suit not having to see her, but to me it makes me feel like I am giving her far too much power over me considering I don't really have any intention of even getting back together with her as much I did love her originally before she broke it off. On the other hand I don't really want to see myself slide back from where I am now after some decent NC.

Hmm :)

[roogirl]

NC for 24 hrs now. Feeling sick to my stomach. I will try not to initiate any contact. But disgusted at myself for checking email every 10 minutes and staring at the phone. God this is so hard!

Don't beat yourself up over checking your email every 10 minutes, I did it too! You are going through a very crappy period in your life so be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. Try and stick with your no contact no matter how strong the urge is. This stage will pass, you might not believe it but trust me it will. Silence speaks volumes, it says to your ex 'despite my heartache and loss you are not hearing from me because I am too busy healing, taking care of myself and moving on' By standing firm you are telling them that you are not willing to waste your valuable time on someone who doesn't want to be with you.

[George_1950]

roogirl said: " Silence speaks volumes, it says to your ex 'despite my heartache and loss you are not hearing from me becuse I am too busy healing, taking care of myself and moving on' By standing firm you are telling them that you are not willing to waste your valuable time on someone who doesn't want to be with you."

Darn, that's good. I couldn't rate the answer, so, Amen, sister.

[schwartzyms]

I broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago because she was cheating on me. Now I still miss her, but I have found another girl who is 20x better, she a lot nicer, kinder and sweeter. The point is, when you get dumped, cheated on... etc, it's just a sign that there is a better guy/girl out there for you, you just have to go out and find him/her.

[talaniman]

I broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago because she was cheating on me. Now I still miss her, but I have found another girl who is 20x better, she alot nicer, kinder and sweeter. The point is, when you get dumped, cheated on... etc, it's just a sign that there is a better guy/girl out there for you, you just have to go out and find him/her.

Wisdom from the mouth of babes. :eek: He is right!! :D

[vivia12]

Well Guys I have been doing great until today. Dont want to beat myself up about it but my ex emailed me after 4 MONTHS! This is how it went down lol. First email was a Hi in the title with no body to the email I email back hello. She emails back just wanted to check on you and the baby and see how you guys are doing. I give her a quick snapshot of what has been going on with my daughter in her new school etc.. Next is so what u been up to? gave her a quick snapshot of that stuff working out diet etc.. HELP! lol.
I feel I have been progressing sooo much I really dont want to see it ruined cause she decided to contact me. Me and her did not have nasty falling out or anything just went through allot myself personally allot of death and it strained our relationship so we parted ways. But recently I met somebody she works with by chance on a internet dating site once i realized they worked at the same job, had the same manager, etc.. I cut the girl off I dont have any animoisty torwards my ex I am hurt but not bitter. Recently I had been really struggling with missing her and I do miss her badly but I dont want any recurrence or setbacks. Do I love her ? Yes Do I miss her ? Yes would I try to work it out? Probably but I dont want to walk into a bear trap which is what I feel is happening. I will keep my distance and the emails to a minimum. I WILL NOT call her or email her directly myself if she emails I will respond but I wont be as the other post says a WUSS lol.

Sorry I shouldve did half a quote,new to this thing. Kuuslki,you're in the same situation as I, you start healing and moving on and that's when the Ex contacts you. Now many would say don't reply don't answer,and that's the true way of doing it, but its not easy, what you did,very limited contact is right on the ball. I don't answer his calls,most of the time,I'm hard person to reach anyway. But no I don't want to regress on my healing either. First and foremost,YOU come first, so if you're not ready to talk to her, just 'miss' her calls,wait a day or tw0 and reply with a short,but happy email. There's lots of threads about what to do when they contact you,many of them says make it sweet short and happy, Its noy playing games,its protecting yourself. The message you want to send is "I'm moving on living my fabulous life without you",even if you're not and is actually obsessing about them like I did,its not as bad lately. The heart,in my case, takes a long time to heal so why regress? And you should see someone new even if they work at the same place your ex does. Hey what better ways for them to see that you moved on. Keep up the good work,let me know how it goes,you're not alone in this!

[Questions2007]

I just had this idea after reading Mik's post.

How about if we use this thread to count the NC days, all of us? Each one would mention how long he/she's been maintaining the NC period and how he/she feels with time.
Maybe in some way this can help us all (including me)?

This is my first NC day.. Afternoon here, so far didn't even touch my phone. I don't know how I feel, but I'm not that miserable, I have a goal and thinking about it, NOT HER!

What about the rest of you?

5 months as of yesterday. I even forgot it was 5 months until today!

If I am honest I still miss her, but haven't even come near to contacting her recently. I am starting to think it is forever now. If that is the case, so be it.

I have been out on a few dates recently. I find myself being very fussy! That can only be a good thing as I won't settle for second best. I am out with a lady at the weekend who I have loads in common with, she is very keen and is doing a lot of the chasing. I am keen too and it has promise!

Life goes on!

[Romefalls19]

Mine is just 2 days.. Definately harder than I thought it would be

[kuulski]

Sorry i shouldve did half a quote,new to this thing. Kuuslki,youre in the same situation as I, you start healing and moving on and thats when the Ex contacts you. Now many would say dont reply dont answer,and thats the true way of doing it, but its not easy, what you did,very limited contact is right on the ball. I dont answer his calls,most of the time,i'm hard person to reach anyway. But no i dont want to regress on my healing either. First and formost,YOU come first, so if youre not ready to talk to her, just 'miss' her calls,wait a day or tw0 and reply with a short,but happy email. Theres lots of threads about what to do when they contact you,many of them says make it sweet short and happy, Its noy playing games,its protecting your self. The msg you want to send is "I'm moving on living my fabulous life without you",even if youre not and is actually obsessing about them like I did,its not as bad lately. The heart,in my case, takes a long time to heal so why regress?? And you should see someone new even if they work at the same place your ex does. Hey what better ways for them to see that you moved on. Keep up the good work,let me know how it goes,youre not alone in this!

I have def kept the response and everything short and sweet. When we went NC it was mutual but only because I don't want to be with anybody that doesn't want me or feels I have needs they can't meet me in the middle on. I do wonder about her and miss her still but I do not extend myself on the emails and we haven't spoke or text it has been strictly company emails. I have been keeping myself busy because her B - Day is next month and also valentines don't know if these are the reasons she is reaching out or wha but I have already made plans so I won't see her even if she ask I just want to make sure I am OK first. Even if it ends up we are just friends.

[MLB33]

That's what I want to know. My g/f broke up w/ me a couple days ago because she "wants to be single." And "she doesnt want to be with anybody else b/c she loves me" blah blah. Anyway, what do I do if she comes back, hell I don't know a month or so, and wants to talk about things. What if I want to get back together? How do I act? Tough? I know not to just break down but do I tell her how I feel if its all still there?

[MLB33]

Missinghim, You're #1 reason was so you could heal. However, I've got a feeling that #2 is the one you're hoping for... I know it is for me. And I just have a hard time trying to figure out what I would do if she did call and want to "talk." There is no way I would just go running to her. I wouldn't be mean, but stern because she was totally wreckless with my feelings. She said she just want some time so she could go out with friends and stuff because she never could before. But anyway, what would you do if he did call?

[ISneezeFunny]

This is the issue with most people. They do NC... but they don't get on with their lives with the hope that their ex will call them back. I say... screw with the ex's feelings. You got your own life now. They're doing their own thing. If they call back, let them call back. Don't even think about that right now. ASSUME that they won't call back and just move on with your life. Two things will happen:

1. they will call back. If that's what you wanted... good. Then take it from there.

2. they won't call back. Then fine... you're already moving on.

[MLB33]

I'm with samesame and ConfusedandLost. I truly love this girl. We have just been apart for a few days but NC. I don't want to say "screw her" is my thing. And yeah, I'll admit, even with NC, I wish every minute she will call. I know, well it sounds stupid, so I guess I think this girl really loves me. I mean, it sounds stupid, but I really think she does. I broke up with her about a year ago for this same reason of feeling like I had to explain every time I went out with my friends. And... I called her and she said she didn't want to see me and it scared the hell out of me. I guess I thought she would always be there and I'm hoping that happens with her. Part of me thinks it will but the other half is saying, if it doesn't you're going to have to move on. I guess what Im asking is... listening to the post, everybody is trying to get over their bf/gf with NC. What if I don't want to get over her (pathetic I know)? Do I contact her or let her come back to me like I did her? If that's what is meant to be

[Romefalls19]

3rd day and I am finding myself not having that uncontrollable urge to text.. It does get better, because you start to realize "If they don't care enough to call me, why should I care enough to call them" I even don't feel like signing on my myspace page. Tomorrow will be the test considering I work with her.. but come on guys, we can do this