[Heart full of hurt]

I found out by three separate incidents that my wife of 15 years had an affair for about 2 months a year ago. She told me that the most it involved was just kissing. The first thing I found was his break up note to her about 4 months ago telling her that they had became good friends and that's all he wanted. Then I found an e-mail on the computer from her to him saying that she had a lot of love in her heart for him. Then on Christmas day the big one was found, I found a letter she had written him stating that she wanted to leave me for him and she really enjoyed the kissing and holding and she was hoping that she could be the one he would spend his life with. After approaching her she told me that hugging and kissing was all that took place. Then she tells me she had loaned him 200 dollars which he had broken off the relationship when she tried to collect. I went back and looked through old cell phone bills at this point then found that she had called him and talked over 1000 Min's. A year ago for two months. I don't know what to do or how to approach her now. I feel that all my trust in her is gone. To make this so bad I still want to be with her because I have so much love for her in my heart. I can go hug her one minute then escape into the next room there after to cry for an hour. I have 2 children with her and we have been together for over 20 years and married for 15. Can someone please tell me how to make my heartache not so tremendous. I have thought of leaving her back I lack the emotional courage to do it right now. Also in one of the notes it stated that they had overstepped the friendship boundaries but that she thought it was OK as long as he loved her. I am so upset I don't know what to do. I would love more than anything for us to be able to mend our relationship but I don't want to set myself up for future failures either.

[Wondergirl]

My heart goes out to you and hope life will improve for you.

If you pinned her to the wall and asked what brought her to the point of needing another man, a different man, what would she say?

[George_1950]

I believe professional counseling is the key going forward. There are significant trust issues that need to be resolved. How old are your children? Whether you decide to stay or leave (or she decides to stay or leave) there is no assurance of either success or failure.

[Wondergirl]

professional counseling

I have to spread the rep, George.

A family systems therapist or counselor would be just the ticket. That person would bring in the children along the way and note the interaction of the family members.