[boysmomx2]

I want to clarify something about this. I am not the one telling him he will not have contact with this child. He is the one who stated it to me. He is the one who wants our marriage to work and our life to be together. He is the one that told the homewrecker he wanted nothing to do with her when I found out about the affair. She never told him she was pregnant until after the six month. He had ended it with her and then she called and told him. She just moved out of the state. I am angry with my husband, I do not trust him and will not trust him for sometime I am sure. If I was not in counseling before I had found out about the affair I would not be where I am today. He was the one to start the counseling sessions, because he wanted our marriage to work. I do not feel that it is one sided hatred. After our lengthy discussions I have stated that it will be my way or the Highway. It has always been his way. I have done everything from our marriage date up until now for my husband and my kids. I have never done for myself. That is what I meant when I said my way or the Highway. He is going to be doing for me now. And I understand that he will have to pay child support. I am not arguing that point. He made a mistake and now it is going to cost us. Cost us dearly I am sure.
Just for the record you find things out afterward. This is not the first time this person has done this. Meaning her. This is the third time she has had an affair with a married man. So I can not have pity for her. This is how she is going through her life. She can not find her own man so she entices other women's husbands. It has been stated that she enjoys the challenge. I do not want for anyone to think that I do not blame my husband. I do and I am very well aware that it takes 2.

[NowWhat]

Look, I know the hurt of an affair. It is real easy to blame and place all that hurt on the "homewrecker", especially when you stay with your spouse.
It is good to hear that whatever decisions are made about this child - that they are left to your husband. I do question why he is doing it. Is it to please you? What is he gaining? He will still have to pay financially for this child.

Anyway - for the comment I made earlier that seems to have some people up in arms about taking your kids and leave.
What is meant by that is this - if you can not live with what has happened and can't get past the facts of the affair - then you owe it to yourself and your children to find happiness. If what you are going to get with staying with your husband is misery - then it is better for your kids they have happy parents - even if it means they aren't together.

[oneguyinohio]

I thank you for the additional information. I still would not want to leave that child alone in her hands to learn only her ways. I'd have her in court so much that she'd think twice about trying it again. But, I am not in your shoes with a husband who wants not to parent the child. The kid still is the biggest loser in my opinion if he does not grow up knowing his real father. It's going to be bad enough for him when he reallizes his mother's ways, and to wonder about his father will certainly put some ideas into his head about how men are supposed to behave toward children... Your own children will also be learning life lessons as well. You'll have to decide what you want to teach.

[talaniman]

I'm not interested in what adults do so don't take this personally, I just find it sad that a child can't be loved as he should, and is around adults who can't figure out what's important now. All BS aside.

[peaches1971]

As a "victim" of an affair myself I empathise with you dearly. My husband of 14yrs cheated on me twice( that I know about), I forgave him the first time but could not handle it the second time. After much emotional turmoil over 4 months I decided that he had to go.

He cheated on me because he felt that he could as I was a "passive character" and oh yeah I forgave him before so that gave him the green light to do it again. He had the shock of his life when he realised that I was seriously calling an end to our marriage!!

As previous replies have mentioned you cannot forgive your husband without forgiving the "other woman" and to deny contact with your husbands own child will bring no resolution to the matter. No matter how much you threaten your husband regarding not seeing the child you are running the risk of him going underground, meaning that if he wants to he will see the child and this other woman without you ever knowing.

Men are like children, the more you tell them not to do something the more they will do it!!

If you cannot accept the child then it would be easier to walk away, otherwise your life will be consumed with suspicion and a life of suspicion is no life at all!!

I wish you all the best.

[09202007]

If you do not allow him to be apart of that child's life then you are bad guy. And you never know years down the road might want to be apart of that child's life and either do it behind your back or leave you to be a father for that child. I am speaking from experience my real fathers wife did not allow him to be apart of my life. It sucks not knowing your real dad. I was almost 16 yrs old when he decided to sneak around behind his wife's back and come see me, but he got caught and does not come see me anymore.

[life1973happened]

Good evening Boysmomx2...
I have just been reading these posts over the last few days. However, now I have had it and am furious. First of all, I am sorry for the pain you must be in, I really am.

However, you have no right to continue to call that girl a homewrecker. Is that really fair or right? To make it much worse you continue with those train wreck of cruel words by stating you know this, 'is what she does' it's the third married man she has been with. How do you know? I mean how do you really know anything about this girl? When you first post you mention the affair going on for a while. Did you know her personally? Maybe a friend, something? If not, chances are you are being told this through a rummor mill to make you feel better, or your husband is sharing this news to take the heat off himself.

Humor nature is to make others feel better by jumping on the bandwagon that this awful woman is the spawn of the devil, out to snatch every married man she can get her hands on. When in reality it's probably that farthest thing from the truth.

Make her look like the vixen who is only interested in married men is probably very unfair. That has to be the guilt, shame and insecurities you have that need you to tell yourself this.

You can't in your mind imagine that she might have been just like your husband and met and things happened, that shouldn't have. Maybe she was devastated to find out she was pregnant. My point is that you can't really know.

This type of situation hurts all parties involved, everybody, even the one you don't want to blame. However, if there isn't already, there will be a small baby enter this world. Chances are, as women, and you know what I'm talking about, she will raise that baby on her own and be fine. Women in this country do it all the time. But if her soul mission was just to get what she couldn't have, wouldn't getting pregnant throw off her 'game?'

I am not at all asking you to become friends with this girl or even like what has transpired. But hating and spilling these kinds of statements out about the mother of your soon to be step child is wrong and you know it. If the roles were reversed would you want it done to you.

It sounds like you and your husband are on the right track to mend things and I know it's a slow process. This child will not ruin your marriage. Your marriage needed mending before this child enters the picture. Your husband and/or yourself not accepting the child is your decision and whatever that is, only has to matter to you.

Please just stop with how you think this woman was or is. It does no good for you, your husband and your relationship and will only foster more anger. Let whoever you think she is go and stop playing the blame game.