[aiyerrc]

So cali, your saying I should call her? Because you nailed it on the head when you said, I am going to show her I don't need her... thats what I'm thinking by not calling because that's what everyone said to do... it doesn't feel right, but everyone told me I should do the opposite of what I feel. We are bf/gf, and not calling her on xmas or xmas eve would be ludacris in most couples... I know you have a decent insight into my entire situation... what should I do?

[kishakanjani]

Well, don't wait until its too late, as a woman, I want to be chased, to feel that u need me... & I want to know that my man is bold enough to go get what he wants... (me) so if u haven't called me in 3 days & even on christmas eve, I am convinced that u don't really care for me & its time to replace you no matter how painful. There are too many guys willing to be with me, I chose you & you decide to be distant with me... thats not the best move if you really want to win my heart

[ilovcali]

Call her. She's your girlfriend. I'd call my girlfriend on xmas. Why wouldn't you? To show her you don't care because you have weird misconceptions on her behavior? Stop tripping. The only reason I broke-up with my ex, was because it would have been long distance.

She played way more head games than your girl does. But I knew they were games and it never bothered me. But I couldn't play the games anymore from 500 miles away. I always had control of the relationship while she was here. I wish she had never left because I have no doubt we'd still be together. Well, I guess nothing is 100%, but I'm pretty sure we'd be together.

You need to have that confidence in your relationship. You're the man. She's your girl. She wants to be with you. Call your girl. Be a man.

And honestly, if calling your girlfriend on xmas is a bad thing, you're with the wrong girl.

--Cali

[ilovcali]

I disagree with Kisha. You don't have to chase your girlfriend. She's your girlfriend. You have to be interesting. The "chase" is at the beginning. Stay interesting though.

--Cali

[Kick277Jen]

I need help on what to do with my "wussy" boyfriend. My guy fits your exact description of a "wussy" guy. He calls me ALL the time, says his feelings ALL the time, is very submissive, etc. While these qualities are not quite annoying yet (since we've only been dating for two weeks), they have been a dealbraker in the past. About a year ago, we tried dating, however, I ended it when I became completely turned off by these "obsessive" qualities.
... Right now, I have a lot of feelings for this guy. I love how kind and honest he is and I really want to make this work... but, I'm afraid that these wussy traits will eventually turn me off. How do I get him to stop acting this way without losing what I love about him, and without hurting his feelings?

[Kick277Jen]

I'd say do him a favor and dump him now so he can be free to find the woman who appreciates his sincerity and kindness. Let him start the healing process now so he can meet the girl who is right for him.

I think you ought to go out with a few jerks and get your heart stomped on so that you'll appreciate the nice guys later. If your boyfriend is being subsmissive he's just making you a priority and putting your needs first. That's what a relationship is about.

He deserves a girl who will appreciate the fact that he values her opinion and puts her needs and wants first. He will see your dumping act as a blessing in disguise one day. Don't string him along anymore.

Its not that I don't appreciate his sincerity now. Him actually caring, telling me what's on his heart is what I love about him. I have dated jerks who really could care less about me and those are not the kind of guys I want to be with. Im just worried that because all the other guys I have dated played "hard to get" that later I will think this guy that I'm dating's behavior is "too easy" and will dump him.. . Maybe I'm going about this the wrong way. Maybe I shouldn't be asking how to change him, but how to change myself.
The thing is, why are some girls like this? We have a great guy right in front of us, but yet we date guys who treat us like crap and who couldn't give a rip about us? I just really want to make this work. I am trying so incredibly hard. I have never opened up to anyone about my feelings but yet I find myself pouring out my heart to him. My mind is just really my worst enemy and I just don't want to fall back into my previous way of thinking.

[Simple Asian]

This just wrong... u girls no that us guys don't read minds don't play game... and you keep playing it and you know what messed up? U make us do things like.. should we contract u ? Should we not ? Either way we dead b.c if we contract u ? We are wussy... if we not you think that we don't chase you b.c we don't care about you and you can go out and pick up other guys whenever you want and however you want ?

[talaniman]

Well Matt, you got the natives all riled up again, but your so right. The bottom line is be yourself, and that means, knowing yourself. That alone will stop all the game playing, because you already know how far you'll take things. Secondly and even as important as knowing yourself, is being healthy of mind to make good decisions for yourself, and to have the coping skills to deal with what life throws at you. Our whole life experience is to learn, and be happy.

[Matteus]

yea, i am guilty of berating then, maybe a bit of control, but is it only bc im insecure about being in a relationship, or maybe i want everything to be perfect. like i said, i realize all this now, after being away from her for 2 or 3 weeks, but i dont know what shes thinking about the whole thing.

i just want to be back at school, so i can show her i dont "need" her day-to-day..

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ay-159221.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-159461.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-162828.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-160833.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rk-164053.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ex-164383.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ht-165363.html

matteus, i know that is a bunch of info, but if you have some time, just briefly look over theese threads that i started, basically covering the last 2 weeks of my life and the relationship...i know its lengthy, and at times a bit repeptitive, but any insight into it would be great...

basically, im looking for an analysis of where you think her head is at, what i should do, whatever you already havent told me in this thread, and anything else you see necessary. tell me your honest opinion, and what my overall best move is...

again, i know its lengthy, so i appreciate it if you look at it at all.

thanks!

btw, WE ARE STILL DATING/bf.gf!!!!!!!!!!

I already read through your posts, and as I said I would give you an answer. Well, in fact I posted to one of those posts of yours. Anyway, I would say something more... Stop this thing of "we are still dating"... you know what I mean.

[ihatewestseneca]

So Matt, I got a question if I may. I know there's no guarantee that she'll come back to me but I'm hoping she will. Anyway, my g/f said she wanted a break 2 weeks ago, I asked her why and she said that she's confused and she thinks that she's not mature enough to handle a serious relationship (we've been together for 2 years). So I agreed and she said she wanted to still talk and be friends, stupidly, I agreed again. I kept telling myself that she wasn't stringing me along until I confronted her 5 days ago asking about some guy that she said she was kind of interested in before, I asked her how she really feels about him and she said that she didn't know, but she thinks that she really likes him. So yeah, I became angry and told her that she's a fool for doing this because I've always tried to there for her and everything, basically I acted like a wuss and cried and yeah, when I think back to it, I'm not proud. So 2 days after that, on Sunday (the 23rd.) she wanted to hang out, so I acted as if nothing was wrong and it really upset her and she said I was acting weird, so I told her we would talk about it later... when I talked to her later I told that I realize that she wants space and I'm going to give it to her, but I also said "as far as im concerned, this is your loss" and told her that I hope she uses this time to think logically instead of sticking to childish "crush-like" feelings, so basically I told her, if you want to break, you got it. She was upset, cried, and asked me if she could call me later and I told her that it was up to her. Since 2:30pm on the 23rd there has been no contact, I even fought every urge to call her today on Christmas.

Do you think me wussing out for those 2 weeks will effect her decision, if she decides to get back together with me, for some reason I'm fairly confident she will, but I just can't tell if my head feels that or if its my gut.

By the way, I find myself practicing my speech if she calls and wants to get back together, almost every time I think about her, so a lot, is this normal? I tend to over think as it is.

[Kevin_s]

So Matt, i got a question if i may. I know theres no guarantee that she'll come back to me but I'm hoping she will. Anyway, my g/f said she wanted a break 2 weeks ago, i asked her why and she said that shes confused and she thinks that shes not mature enough to handle a serious relationship (we've been together for 2 years). so i agreed and she said she wanted to still talk and be friends, stupidly, i agreed again. I kept telling myself that she wasn't stringing me along until i confronted her 5 days ago asking about some guy that she said she was kind of interested in before, i asked her how she really feels about him and she said that she didn't know, but she thinks that she really likes him. So yeah, i became angry and told her that shes a fool for doing this because i've always tried to there for her and everything, basically i acted like a wuss and cried and yeah, when i think back to it, im not proud. so 2 days after that, on sunday (the 23rd.) she wanted to hang out, so i acted as if nothing was wrong and it really upset her and she said i was acting weird, so i told her we would talk about it later... when i talked to her later i told that i realize that she wants space and im gonna give it to her, but i also said "as far as im concerned, this is your loss" and told her that i hope she uses this time to think logically instead of sticking to childish "crush-like" feelings, so basically i told her, if you wanna break, you got it. she was upset, cried, and asked me if she could call me later and i told her that it was up to her. since 2:30pm on the 23rd there has been no contact, i even fought every urge to call her today on Christmas.

do you think me wussing out for those 2 weeks will effect her decision, if she decides to get back together with me, for some reason im fairly confident she will, but i just can't tell if my head feels that or if its my gut.

btw, i find myself practicing my speech if she calls and wants to get back together, almost every time i think about her, so a lot, is this normal? i tend to over think as it is.

Trying to be in contact is not a bad decision since you want to be with her, but you need to be distant. She wanted this break, you owe NOTHING to her to try to contact her. If she needs space, she gets it. You are not busy, and if she wants to see you to talk about you two and where you stand, you can then consider seeing her. I wouldn't have been so arrogant though and say "this is your loss" that's messed up to say. And you saying that is sort of a way for her to notice it IS a big deal for you. When my girl says things, I can read her like a book and I know she is saying something completely different in her head.

Yeah, she cried because it's hard for her too, remember that you're both in this relationship together, and that whether one of you wants a break doesn't mean you're fine and the person being put through the break or whatever is the only person hurt. I would just give her space, if she likes some other dude and doesn't have the courage to just be up front with you, then just go do whatever you got to do. You don't want to be sitting here with your thumb up your butt waiting on her do you?

Meet people, you may just find out that she really isn't what you want in your life. And you should also take this time to see not only how she's been acting but how she's been treating you in the relationship. If it's what you want, be distant but she should still know you're not an @$$hole.

Kevin

[talaniman]

Save yourself a lot of confusion, and leave her alone, and do your own thing as if she doesn't exist. Don't let her confusion be yours, just let her make up her mind with no pressure from you. That does mean dissappearing from her life, and being unavailable to her. That's what she asked for, and that's what she gets.

[Jiser]

No contact, get a life. Happy, single and independent.

[ISneezeFunny]

No contact, get a life. Happy, single and indepedent.

Well... it goes in phases

Phase 1: no contact. No contact is easy. It's just being alone that sucks.

Phase 2: getting a life. Keep busy. Do something, anything. Join a gym. Find a pen pal in prison. Do whatever

Phase 3: single... yeah. It seems like no one will want you. And trust me, no one does. Not until you get yourself straight, quit moping, checking your phone, etc. get cleaned up, work out a little, be a bit happier. Then, women will flock. Trust me.

Phase 4: independent + happy: you've hit the jackpot.