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snook66t · Dec 22, 2007, 01:20 PM

My boyfriend and I live in Ohio. We have worked together and been good friends for 7 years. I have been divorced for 15 months. My boyfriend has been separated for 10 months and has been working with his ex and their attorneys on an amicable dissolution. When the courts ordered child support of a lesser amount than what m BF has been paying on a monthly basis his ex became very vindictive. Dissolution talks ceased and my BF filed for divorce. That was when we began dating exclusively. (We had been out together on several occasions when he did not have his children.) That was six months ago.

At their first pretrial hearing, his ex asked for a restraining order barring any significant others from having any contact with their children until final decree. We thought the divorce would be over in a few months and we had already decided that we wouldn't be introducing each other to our children until we were sure that this was going to be a permanent relationship. This didn't seem like a big deal.

Well the kids are now asking questions. They are 16, 14, and 9. They know that their father and I are dating and want to know why they can't be a part of our lives. The ex has said that she will drag this divorce out as long as the court will let her. She is receiving alimony, child support, and my BF is paying for all the debt acquired in the marriage. The ex only works 2 hours a day because she wants to be a stay at home mom.

How long can she drag this out and contest it? They have lived apart for 10 months. Can my BF go back and ask the magistrate to revisit the restraining order? I am not named on it - it simply states "significant other". I am not a danger or threat to the children. I am a pre-school teacher and part time paramedic. My BF is a Full time Fire Fighter and Paramedic.

Thanks for any advice!

bushg · Dec 22, 2007, 01:39 PM

I can't answer the court questions... but If I was the boyfriend to get back in hergood graces I would start sending the normal amount of child support that I was paying her previous to the CS order... of course send a money order or give her cash and write gift on the extra amount. Maybe she will ease up until he gets the divorce.. Then go back to the court ordered amount.
Women like this irk me... he sounds like a good guy that is trying to do what is right. Good luck

Fr_Chuck · Dec 22, 2007, 01:48 PM

Divorces can be draged out many years. So your boyfriend needs to stop being so nice or such a wimp and start fighting hard and dirty.

First you don't pay more than the court ordered amount, next is paying all of the old debts part of the court order, if not,? So you go back to court and get any order barring your new girlfriend from contact, since there is no legal reason for this. Never should have been agreed to in the first place.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 22, 2007, 02:00 PM

Personally I think kids should stay out of it anyway until the divorce is settled and your relationship is solid. But since these are older kids, I don't know.
This is something he needs to deal with. Does he know this is the reason she is doing this or is he assumimg this is why. Has she always manipulated him this way?

George_1950 · Dec 22, 2007, 03:20 PM

Q: Can the boyfriend ask the magistrate to revisit the restraining order?
A: Yes. And, he should consider modifying his petition to ask for custody of the two older kids. The times are changing, but in years past a court would not grant visitation to a parent with a live-in significant other. The request for custody is offered as a tactic, not a strategic move.

talaniman · Dec 25, 2007, 07:06 PM

Your b/f needs to address this, and only he has standing in court. That's where he can get that order rescinded. That's where the battle lies.