[Avasean]

Ok, here's the deal. I just got married a little over a week ago, and I have already had thoughts about other men. I would never act on these thoughts, but is it so horrible that I even have them?

First, we live in an apartment complex and are really close friends with a few of our neighbors. I had a dream last night that I was sleeping with one of our neighbors (who has a girlfriend). When I woke up, I felt bad for having the dream, but still wondered what sleeping with this guy would actually be like.

Then, another neighbor friend of ours --- who also has a girlfriend (who has become one of MY good "chick" friends) came over to ask a couple questions... innocent enough, but I find him VERY attractive. I have wondered what it would be like to sleep with him also.

Again, I would NEVER EVER act on these thoughts. I am married and extremely happy! Is it wrong of me to even have these thoughts? I feel bad for thinking all this, but--at the same time--I continue to think about it.

This is not meant as a joke... but am I THAT much of a nympho? What should I do? Please help!

[peggyhill]

Well, honey, you feel bad for having those thoughts, so don't beat yourself up. Having a dream about someone is nothing to feel bad about. It doen't mean you have a deep yearning for him, it could just be some pizza you ate, lol! Don't take dreams too seriously.

It's normal to find people attractive. When you see a model in a magazine, you might look at him/her and think "That is an attractive person" but it doesn't mean you want to sleep with them... Having a fleeting thought of what it would be like to sleep with someone, isn't the worst thing you can do, as long as you aren't dwelling on it.

Is there a quality about the other guy you wish your husband had? Like maybe he has an interest in something you like or is funny or something? Sometimes we can mistake liking a quality about someone for having real feelings.

It sounds like you are just having tempting thoughts. Being tempted isn't wrong, it's only wrong if you act on it and think about it all the time. Try to spice up your sex life with hubby. Maybe that will clear things up.

But, seriously, don't beat yourself up. You don't want to have these dreams/thoughts and are certainly not going to act on them, so don't worry! :)

[Avasean]

PeggyHill, it's not that I think I have feelings for these other men, I just find them both very attractive and wonder what sleeping with them would be like. Both of these men are very immature (around friends at least), and I can't stand immature people. So, I would NEVER EVEN CONSIDER having feelings for them.

Thank you for your advice. That does help... I think the "spicing up the sex life with hubby" would do us some good...

[peggyhill]

Well, honey, if you don't have any feelings for them, don't worry. Noticing that someone looks good isn't a sin. You obviously care very much about your relationship with your husband and that is so great. I wish more people cared as much as you do. But, yeah, if all you did was have a dream and notice that they look OK, you have nothing to worry about. It's not a sin to have a fleeting thought and then put it out of your head. So good for you! Hope you and your husband enjoy the holidays! :)

[talaniman]

As long as you keep those attraction where they belong, in your dreams and fantasy, and never act on them, then your okay.

[ordinaryguy]

You're young and hot and full of hormones, hanging out in proximity with others who are similar in that respect, so sure, thoughts of sex will cross your mind and your dreams will be X-rated. Don't beat yourself up and feel guilty about that.

Your personal integrity is revealed by whether you decide to follow those thoughts, dwell on them, elaborate on them, build fantasies out of them, and come to cherish them more than your commitment to your husband. That way lies heartache.