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George_1950 · Dec 17, 2007, 09:46 AM

I am another who would like to know how things are going. Many thanks.

headache · Dec 20, 2007, 09:38 AM

She moved out on the first of December and we talk once a day briefly usually, and she acts like nothing is wrong. But it still seems like she doesn't want to spend time with me. I don't know what to do.

George_1950 · Dec 20, 2007, 09:43 AM

I think you have most of the puzzle in place. She is doing one thing, and saying something else. I believe it goes under the "I didn't want to hurt him" tab. Or the "I need some space" tab. Or the "I need some time" tab. How are you doing?

headache · Dec 20, 2007, 10:46 AM

I've been pretty depressed, but I think I'm doing OK. It's just, I don't know what's going on, or what to do about everything. We wrapped xmas presents together the other day and it was good to spend time with her, but at the same time, it kind of hurts to be around her, when I know that I love her and want to be with her but don't know if she feels the same.

George_1950 · Dec 20, 2007, 11:04 AM

Have you looked under the No Contact (NC) threads? I am newer here than you; so you may be familiar with that. I suggest that because it would seem that she is saying she will be your friend; I don't put much stock in that kind of relationship, but to each his own. As someone said, a girl who loves you will not leave you confused and hurting.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2007, 12:55 PM

I think for whatever reason she has not kept up with this relationship and a lack of communications has you both in different places. I don't really think she knew how to tel you she wanted out. I suggest not contacting her at all, and not allowing it from her either. You've been drifting for months and now its time to think of you and your own future, without her in it. See the links in my signature for some good suggestions.

headache · Dec 26, 2007, 08:18 AM

Well, here is the resolution.

She called me all mad a few days ago and says it seemes like I won't make any time for her because I have been so busy, and she was upset I didn't invite her to the little christmas gathering I had with my friends. I explained to her that I love spending time with her, but since all of this has happened, it hurts for me to be around her. And then I called talked to her on christmas eve, and told her that she has had more than enough time to think about things and I needed to know if she wanted to be with me or not. She said she can't answer that because it's too "cut and dry" and she wanted to see if she could still be attracted to me or not, and I told her she should have figured it out by now, and that I don't want to feel so hurt everyday anymore. After her not wanting to answer me for quite a while, I said that I needed an answer. She said "I guess not, I'm really sorry, I can't help the way that I feel. I really love you" So I said all right, I got to go.

I'm absolutley heartbroken. I know things will be OK for me eventually, but I feel sick. Although, I know it's not the end of the world, I can't get the sadness to go away.

talaniman · Dec 26, 2007, 09:08 AM

Time will do that for you. At least you know where you stand. Now get a life without her.

George_1950 · Dec 26, 2007, 09:40 AM

Congratulations, headache, for moving toward a resolution; you might think like this: I am going to review this 180 days from now and reassess. You can make it. Have you read the two stickies at the beginning of 'Relationships'?

Crista · Dec 26, 2007, 09:50 AM

I'm sorry things ended like they did for you, but for a woman's point of view... Being together 8 YEARS and your relationship didn't grow or develop into the next step in a serious relationship, marriage. I can see why she slowly but surely broke things off. Not to be mean or anything, but sometimes a woman can wait for so long and 8 years is a long time. The bonds between you two began to drift and break apart because of time.

headache · Dec 26, 2007, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by Crista

I'm sorry things ended like they did for you, but for a woman's point of view... Being together 8 YEARS and your relationship didn't grow or develop into the next step in a serious relationship, marriage. I can see why she slowly but surely broke things off. Not to be mean or anything, but sometimes a woman can wait for so long and 8 years is a long time. The bonds between you two began to drift and break apart because of time.

Good guess, but not at all. We talked about getting married, but she always seemed so reserved about it. I think I wanted to get married more than she did, we were roughly planning to get married this next summer.

Moon777 · Dec 26, 2007, 08:39 PM

Why don't you try something spontaneous for her, live her a note to be someplace where you liked going together, and when there just let her wait like 30 seconds after she sits down, wondering what is going on, then just stroll in as this is the first time you see her, and charm her all over again, as if nothing ever happened. If you guys are still together after 8 years maybe the relationship needs a little lift, or needs a little upgrade to a next level. Either way you want her to still understand what is going on in her heart and head, so she will have to do some soulsearching too and try to find some answers to her own way of interacting. Not everybody though knows how to do that. Go to chapters maybe and point to some self help book, don't say-Oh, here this is for you, just say oh, this is interesting, and just leave it there for her on display to see then just say, well, I'll better check this other department and meet later at the coffeshop.
The problem you are having is that she does not know what is happening. Help her find out but never say well, I did that.
So, for the start, try the surprise date.

Hope this helps
Good luck
Moon777