[creativekw]

I am a woman who just turned 40. I have been in transition since I have been married, and now it is catching up with me. My husband, and daughters and I moved across the country to take a job that I thought would be wonderful for me and for the rest of my family. During the week I am a single mom and I am raising my step children who are both special needs. I love the girls very much and act as if they are my own. My husband and I are drifting a part. He is argumentative all of the time. Our whole family is suffering by him being gone all of the time. Because of the money, he believes that he needs to work all of the time to help get us out of debt. We are in a catch 22 because we need the money, but we need our family too. I am feeling abandoned, and let down because I did not get married to be single. He took this job two years ago, after he was let go of a job. He decided that it was time for him to have a career change and that is what he sat out to do. I supported the change at first because of the money, now we are just as broke as we ever were and are spending so much time apart. He keeps threatening just to quit, because I keep whining about it. I take the fact that he is never home personal even thought he does not say that, in my heart I believe that it is. When we do talk about it, he gets upset and assures me that this is not going to be forever. When we do fight, is is usually about money. I am so tired of it that I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave my marriage, but I want to feel love and support and right now all I feel is anger and sadness. It would kill me to leave the girls and It would be extremely hard on the girls whom I know have grown to love and need me very badly. If anyone has any advice, please let me know.

Thank you!

[Wondergirl]

In this family, you are the anchor. The boat will go adrift without you. Your family has moved and your husband is working a lot to keep the boat afloat. Like he said, it won't be forever. Now, what can you, the anchor, do?

Why isn't this better job and more money helping you get ahead? Is your family spending more than it used to now that there is more money? Are there ways you can cut back or ways to get cut rates or better prices on things?

Start with that. Let's see where it goes.

[talaniman]

Money, or the lack thereof is a major point of conflict in a marriage, and it seems to be disruptive here too. Solving that problem would bring down the stress level, and give you a chance to talk again. I would think that you should give him time to get well established, while you do something about the family budget. It takes time after a life changing move, and you must be patient and keep the home together. I think he is doing all he can, and his sacrifice now will help him and you in the future. Its about working together. Think about it a minute, don't you think he would rather be home?