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Diamondstar03 · Dec 17, 2007, 01:44 PM

Hey everyone, sorry to be such a complainer but is it just me or is everyone else feeling the same way about being way in the DUMPS cause of the time of the year with the holidays and all? I am feeling so down and depressed. I really have been trying to be so much better, but still feel like a complete failure with everything. I miss my ex so much and she, I am sure is doing just fine without me. I really hate how I feel. I have been seeing a new girl for a bit and well it is not making me forget her. I am still in love with my ex and can't seem to let her go. I know she is awful for me and has done cruel things but I just can't seem to let her go. I want to let her go so bad. I still have not talked to her, NC is still going strong. I just feel so alone and sad. Am I alone in these emotions right now? It has been almost 5 months and I still think about her daily. I am such a waste to be still hung up on someone who has played me so hard and hurt me without even blinking an eye. I am so depressed, I just hate that I can't get past this.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 17, 2007, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by Diamondstar03

I have been seeing a new girl for a bit and well it is not making me forget her.

Yeah... you really shouldn't be using another girl to get over your old one... mainly because this new one´ll end up badly too...

DanieLovesPaul · Dec 17, 2007, 01:49 PM

Then you ned to be fair to this girl and AFTER christmas you need to leave her. Its not fair to her. And don't do it at christmas time because the will effe her up.

Diamondstar03 · Dec 17, 2007, 02:03 PM

I see what you all are saying, it is not like that though. We are just dating. It is more of just casual since I told her I am trying to get over a bad breakup. She is aware of this so we have just been enjoying dating and stuff.

Diamondstar03 · Dec 17, 2007, 03:12 PM

Listen everyone, I posted this cause I am feeling bad about my ex STILL. The holiday time is making it even worse, why is it that all my emotions are put aside from what I posted and I get the whole lecture about what I might be doing to some other person? I really was hoping for some REAL input from others who may be feeling the same thing I am. I am sorry if I am being rude, just started to think about the first few replys to my post and was like... man is everyone all about pulling out the judgements with life about what someone is doing? I was just wanting some insight about hurting still is all. Not to be put down for hurting someone else. That was just mentioned cause it really has not helped. I have been out with a few other women, it has not made me feel any better about me. Not that my ex is that great, just that I miss her and hate that I can't move past this. Wanted some advice about maybe how to cope better than I have been. Please try not to be so harsh everyone, just be helpful if you can. I am real depressed. I mean I have lost all interest in just about everything. I don't know what I am doing. I have no drive to want to do anything. Nothing is making me happy, I am really trying honest, I have just lost interest in everything. Don't know what to do. Is anyone here hurting like this? Does anyone have any helpful advice?

chris08 · Dec 17, 2007, 03:30 PM

I felt exactly the same. I still do slightly. It just takes time. You said it's been 5 months. Mine has only been 5 or 6 weeks. I don't feel as bad as you, that isn't to say I didn't love or care for my girlfriend as much as you did because I loved and cared for her with all my heart, like you she wasn't the best but she was still the love of my life. I've got over the worse because I've listened to the experts here. You know who they are. Move on, I'm trying and I just keep thinking one day I'm going to meet a girl who will love me more than anything else in the world. Christmas and the New Year will be over in no time, and then it's the start of a new year... and a new life...

life1973happened · Dec 17, 2007, 03:57 PM

Good evening stranger...
I'm sorry you are feeling low and the weight of a broken heart, this time of year makes for an ugly mix. First let me address the comments from others. Try to understand that though I don't know them, I don't think they were trying to judge you, rather guide you. They are right about being in another relationship, casual or not, when you are in love with another. Second, and oh I hope you hear me on this, women do not think about relationships like men do. This new girlfriend may be telling you it's casual and all is fine but I assure you most women just tell men that because they know it's what they want to hear. It's not to say at all she is a terrible person for doing this. Just think about it like this, maybe she cares about you like you do your ex. If she were to tell you she feels that way you might run. It's just one idea but try to remember that men and women, in relationships think very different. And please try to go easier on the responses you have gotten. People mean well just sometimes don't express ideas as nuetral as they should.

Now on to what is really heavy on your heart. I, like most others, have been where you are. When you are the one left, it hurts a lot more than doing the leaving. I've been on both ends and both are very different in the way we feel. It sounds like this young lady made an impact on your heart. At the same time you express that what she did, though wrong, you acknowledge. That's important because you are smart enough to not be blind to it because of love. That relationship is what it is. I think the real problem is the lonliness you feel from the time of year, the way the relationship ended, and lastly that you feel you are the only one suffering.

I can't make any of this go away for you, or make it right. However, I can tell you that I hope by this response, and those of others, that we hear you. The simple fact that we are hear and responding should show you that human nature is kind and caring. Most of the time we don't have the answers and most of the time we can't make that ache you have go away, but if we could, I know even as a stranger I would.

Last, in your feeling that she does not care and she has moved on I say this; I was once a girl much like her and I broke the heart of a man who didn't deserve it. As he reached out in pain, obviously suffering with the break-up, I scoffed it off. I gave him no comfort or tried to ease the pain he was feeling. It's not that I didn't care, I was just focused on somebody else. However, after a while the memories of his pain came to haunt me. Not because I wanted him back or he wanted me back. Just memories of how I had been so cold and heartless and it bothered me because I wasn't that kind of girl. It's been many years since that incident. However, I still think about how I treated him and the pain I put him through.

So please know that you can't know what she is thinking and though she may not be showing it now, she will one day not like the way she ended this relationship. One last thing to be mindful of; be careful of your thoughts. Your head can fill you with ideas of her and what she is or isn't doing that can bring you even more pain. Don't allow it. You can't and won't know how she really feels. Make this season about healing you and finding that place within yourself that makes you smile again.

Remember to smile, you never know who's falling in love with it...

Diamondstar03 · Dec 17, 2007, 04:08 PM

life1973happened, thank you so much for your warm kind words. I know what you are saying and I am trying to be strong. I am just so in pain all over again, I miss her so much and want her back so bad. I feel so lonely without her and it is killing me like you said I am sure it is a lot to do with the holiday time, but still. This is so weighing hard on my heart. I am trying to be strong. I am acting like a child, crying yet once again about a relationship that is so one sided now. Why would I even want her since she doesn't want me? I know it is wrong but all I do is think about her constantly. I feel like half of me is so gone from myself. I feel so empty. I am trying to be strong and I am trying to keep my thoughts up and away from imagination. Just hurts so bad. GOSH I would have thought by now I would be in a better stronger frame of mind. This is harsh, I hate my heart!!

DanieLovesPaul · Dec 17, 2007, 04:13 PM

You will always care for her. I had an ex girlfriend. This was before I met my boyfriend. And when I met him I realized I didn't love her the way I thought. I love her as a person but not romantically. And you will realize that too one day. I do apologize for being so short and blunt before but that's how I try to be. But I see that was not the advice for which you were looking for. So here is what I can tell you. I still talk to her. I still think about her. I still love her. But I have allowed my heart to know what true love is. I allowed my heart to know that things ended for a reason. And I left her and felt that way. But trust me, I have cut my wrists over this girl being younger and unstable. I know what that need and desire to be around her is like, but be strong because the reward is so much greater!

life1973happened · Dec 17, 2007, 04:51 PM

Good evening again...
You don't have to thank me. I haven't done anything but respond. I really do understand your pain and your so heavy heart. Like I said I have been on both ends. Most recently, the one you are on. But you know what? You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are reaching out, I didn't. I did the opposite I cried, I closed up, I cried, I built a huge wall, I cried and I let time do the rest. Which leaves me to this place. A place that is okay as I have wonderful children, I love my job, I have incredible friends but I haven't been on one single date. I'm not lonely and maybe one day I will be. But what I did, has caused the way I am now and that is not open to a relationship at all.

It's okay to cry, even as a man. The heart does not know guy, girl. It knows pain and happiness. Try a little trick I used. Instead of taking it day by day. Try taking it hour by hour. It's easier to wrap your thoughts around that. It's a goal that's easier to reach and each time you reach it, you feel a sense of accomplishment because you know you are healing, you are making it. I know it sounds silly but it works.

Hour by hour...

MissingHim2Much · Dec 18, 2007, 12:03 AM

Diamondstar, I don't really have an answer for you but the advice to take it hour by hour instead of day by day makes sense. It's been 5 months for me too and I still think about him several times a day. I wasn't going to put up my Christmas tree this year but my sons put it up anyway. They weren't going to let me hide away and ignore that its Christmas time like I wanted to. My Birthday is 2 days after Christmas so I kind of have a double whammy of days that I have to be without him. I would've just crawled into bed and slept those days away if I could've but my family isn't giving me a choice.

talaniman · Dec 18, 2007, 12:07 AM

Not to be harsh, but this is the perfect time of the year to volunteer, at the Salvation Army or a hospital, or at a church, or a food bank, or soup kitchen, make someone else happy, since you know how bad it feels this time of year, to have no one who cares. Be someone who cares.

little firefly · Dec 19, 2007, 03:14 PM

Hey Diamondstar, As you know I've been going through the same struggle myself. I still feel the same pain that I was feeling months ago. This time of year makes it even worse. Please keep trying to hang in there. I know it dosen't seem like it right now but you WILL start to feel better at some point and time. Believe me that's something that I have to tell myself every single day. I know that one day all my tears will stop and I'll be able to move forward with my life and find happiness again. You will too, I promise... And being hungup on someone who played you and hurt you does not make you a waste... It makes you a person who loved with your whole heart, and unfortunately like a lot of us were blinded by that love. Please stop being so hard on yourself.

in a state · Dec 19, 2007, 06:46 PM

We are very much alike.I am such a waste to be still hung up on someone who has played me so hard and hurt me without even blinking an eye,too.
Well,tomorrow I'll get drunk and high and probably forget about this for 4 hours or so.then I'll go to bed for 9 hours.hey,it could be 13 hours of peace.
You should try going out too.you could meet somebody you might actually be interested in.
Or anyhow,you should go out and try to get your mind off things.T'is the season to be jolly!
Get your friends,go to a party,go dancing, be OPEN to opportunities of whatever sorts(but don't do heroin)
I don't know,this is my way of dealing with the situation.I really don't plan on spending christmas feeling miserable, partying for a few days really is more suitable :)
Don't be sad this time of year.we're going to be saved
Cheers

George_1950 · Dec 19, 2007, 11:31 PM

Where to start? Down, depressed, frustrated? Yes
"feel like a complete failure with everything"? No
If I were in that state of mind, I might go see my doctor. As others have said, you are not a complete failure. By coming here and reaching out, you are helping yourself and everyone else, and I want to thank you. As for your girlfriend, more power to you; I completely respect the opinion that females and males have a different agenda, but we are adults and as long as you are upfront and truthful, so be it. I believe that to the extent you are continuing with NC, you are doing good. My only concern is that you are down on yourself; and this may be an indication that you should speak to a professional about what is going on. At some point, every day, you, me, and everyone, needs to be able to smile about something in our life. Peace and blessing to you.

little firefly · Dec 21, 2007, 08:57 AM

Hey Mister Diamondstar, I tried to send you a private message but your inbox is full. How about clearing it out... I need to talk to you. :)

George_1950 · Dec 21, 2007, 09:11 AM

"It makes you a person who loved with your whole heart, and unfortunately like a lot of us were blinded by that love." little firefly

Isn't this the truth? But if you could measure love, say in a cup, how much are you willing to ask for? How much are you willing to give? 1/4? 1/2? 3/4? Or the full cup?

little firefly · Dec 21, 2007, 09:26 AM

Hi George. Well as far as me, I always give the full cup, sometimes to overflowing, lol. I would always love to get a full cup in return, but am happy with 3/4... It seems however that I only get half.