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KL17 · Dec 16, 2007, 06:30 PM

I've been in love once, and only once.

The relationship was amazing. He paid attention, he was committed, and we didn't fight often but when we did we were always able to recover.

Anyway, this relationship ended without warning almost 2 years ago. I was miserable. I struggled to stay above 100 pounds and had to rely on my friends and family just to keep me functioning for a while.

The thing is, it's been nearly 2 years, and I've gone a few months without talking to him before, but every time he talks to me again I get excited, and happy, and even wonder about the possibility of a relationship. He entertains this idea by telling me he loves me and he wants to be with me, and I hate it. It is exhausting loving him. He's not such a great person anymore, but when he's around me it's like everything's changed. He's different when we're together.

But I'm sick of him coming into my life and ruining everything for me. I'm a hopeless romantic and there's a huge part of me that thinks I haven't healed because I wasn't meant to. I've tried, believe me. I was in a relationship for a year up until a few days ago... but I just never fell in love like I did with him. He left his girlfriend within a few days of my relationship ending, claiming I was "more important than her", and he "regrets breaking up with me". But today I found out they are together, and moving in together. I feel empty, and used again. I've come to expect disappointment, I realize it isn't healthy, and I'm ready to be done... I just don't know how.

I'm beginning to doubt I'll ever fall in love again the same way. I pray this isn't true. I'm a firm believer in the concept that love is all we really have. It is hard for me to ignore his calls or to resist calling him... I'm going to change my phone number soon, and hopefully this will be the last we see of each other.

PLEASE help me. I need all the advice I can get on moving on, and learning to love again. Will I ever really be completely over it?

-K.L.

talaniman · Dec 16, 2007, 07:11 PM

Stop talking to him, and end the confusion. We all have those feelings after a breakup. You just need to heal. And you stop letting him stir those strong feelings up in you again. Cut off all contact with the guy, and learn to be happy, with out him or anyone else, in your life, until the healing process is complete. See the links in my signature to find out the best ways to get healthy, and move on and be happy in your life.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 16, 2007, 07:16 PM

You have to stop talking to him, no emais, don't take his calls, get counseling, after 2 years you should have worked over this by now.
It sounds like for some reason, he is happy and moved on, but is still messing with you because he can.

mjl · Dec 16, 2007, 07:44 PM

End this. You can't get over him in these situations. You deserve a better relationship.

Sam DePecan · Jun 4, 2008, 02:55 PM

You said so yourself that you are sick of him coming into your life and ruining everything for you. Give yourself more credit. You can stand up and be proud of yourself without feeling so depressed about someone who has caused you misery before. Good luck. I know you want to think that it's unique. Well, it is. No matter what anyone says. It's your personal situation -- And you have shown courage by talking about it. Take care.

Fixer12 · Jun 4, 2008, 06:31 PM

It's hard. I know I have been there and still am. Give yourself credit for going out and being in a relationship for the last year. I am sure there were things that made you feel great, as well as not so great when you were with him. Everything in the end will work out.

You said yourself you are ready to be done with it. You said you are getting your number changed and that is the first step. I go through the same thing with my ex. Every time she pops into my life it would stir me up inside and I would be excited.

You went out and got back into a relationship and expected it to be the same... no matter what relationship you are in, it will always be different. Things will never be the same. Yes you will love again, but you are not giving yourself time to heal. Keep this person as a memory and nothing more. You will smile one day for the good times you had, and will realize you should have started healing a lot sooner. There are many other people out there you just can't see them yet!