Check out some similar questions!

washingtongirl · Jan 20, 2006, 06:56 AM

I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years and when he gets stressed out he withdrawals and I won't hear from him for a couple of weeks. He says he just needs to be alone but when you care about someone you want to help him. There is always going to be stress in a person life. He's not the best communicator. I've tried to talk to him about it because it hurts me. He always says he's sorry and feels bad but how do you deal with it? Anyone have the same problem? Is it a sign of something else?:confused:

fredg · Jan 20, 2006, 07:27 AM

Hi, washingtongirl,
Two years seems to be enough time to get to know someone. Has this just started recently, or has he been doing this all the time...
He could be feeling stress from the relationship, not wanting to make a commitment. Or, it could be work related, etc. If he is not wanting to talk about it, except just to say he is sorry, then he does have a problem. With what, it's hard to tell.
Normally, in a "healthy" relationship, two people will share what's on their mind, their problems, happiness, and be honest with each other. If he isn't willing to tell you why, except "I just want to be alone", it could be a sign he either has more serious problems, or he doesn't want your relationship to go any further. People only get stressed out when they let it happen. No one can put stress on you, unless you or he, let's them do it.
I would really try talking honestly with him, asking him exactly what does he mean by "needing space", and what is causing him stress.
You will eventually find the problem, but until then, there isn't much you can do. I do wish you the very best, and good luck.

talaniman · Jan 20, 2006, 09:54 AM

If he disappears for weeks he has a serious problem and you have every right to question him about it or don't keep accepting his apology without explanation.Maybe you need to be unavailable for a few weeks yourself,if he refuses to get help or explain himself!:cool:

bizygurl · Jan 20, 2006, 10:19 AM

Hey sweetie, I would have a big talk with him. For him not to talk to you or see you for a few weeks without a reason why is not good.I know you want to be there for him but at the same time if he cares for you he needs to at least give you some sort of reson why he "disappears" that sounds really messed up on his part. Even if he is angry with you or thinks that what he has to say will hurt you, he needs to talk to you.

Not only that but what is he doing all this time you don't hear from him? Its just two weird. Its one thing to be distant but its another to ignore someone that you supposedly care about.

Im sure this is causing some stress to you. Have a talk right away and get to the bottom of it. Go to his house call him up. If he isn't responsive to you, then do what talaniman suggested and make yourself less available to him, see how he likes it, maybe he'll get the hint.

Wildcat21 · Jan 20, 2006, 11:11 AM

There is something just not right here.

This isn't healthy at all.

Lots of things come to mind what he is doing and none are good.

I agree - slowly pull back when he does this - don't return his calls and don't contact him for a while and see how he likes it.

This is REALLY selfish of him. I may take a day or two with my gal. And she needs space sometimes as well - it's important. BUT TWO WEEKS?? No, no, no.

Maybe he just isn't into you. I can't go more than a day or without communicating with my gal. And it's usuallt everyday - several times.

It sounds like he is playing games which is BS.

washingtongirl · Jan 20, 2006, 04:03 PM

He does tell me that he's either fighting with his exwife (She is usually asking for money) and work (he's in the military). I've told him that it hurts me and he always says he's sorry about 50 times but, he doesn't stop. He usually stays away for a day or two but this time it's been 2 weeks. I have talked to him a couple times, it just hasn't got any better. I told him he was losing me and he said he didn't want to however in the back of my mind actions speak louder than words. I try to not call but it's hard when your used to talking everyday.

nwsflash · Jan 20, 2006, 04:12 PM

You really need to get this issue sorted once and foreva, either you and your boyfriend are going out or you are not. Something just seems really odd that I can't put my finger on, this guy really looks like he is not the one for you or he would not be treating you like this.

You both need to see one another face to face, and either solve these problems or walk away. You can do better then a dude that only wants to know you when it suits him, and runs away when it don't. This is an adult he is older than the young kids in the play-ground that take there ball off if things ain't going there way.

And if he keeps fighting with his Ex wife, well come on what kind of respect will he show you if he fights with her so much.

And your right action speaks more than words, I would say to him look you better get this sorted ASAP or its going to end us. That may get you an honist answer. I know its hard when we love someone to be so blunt, but that's the only way your going to find out 100% what the deal is.

I hope things turn out good for you and your problems with this boyfriend get sorted for you.

bizygurl · Jan 21, 2006, 06:00 AM

this guy does need to realize what is important here and that's your relationship. Despite everything else if he wants this relationship he needs to step up be a man and treat youwith some respect. Military no military, ex wife no exwife. These are all convienint excuses for him to stay away and not face you. You deserve to be treated better than that. He should be coming to you and having your as a pillar of support and strength, but instead he's turning his back on you. And that's no way to have a relationship. A healthy relationship does not operate that way. If he continues down this road this relationship will be doomed.

He doesn't seem to value your relationship or think highly of it if he knows that this is hurting you but does nothing to correct the problem. It seems that when he says he's sorry its almost like he's trying to pacify the situation, (in other words keep you quiet)

I think you defenitly need to get out of this situation for your sanity, you sound like a very nice person and you don't deserve this treatment. If the relationship does hit the skids, please don't blame yourself. He chose this behavior and its his loss if you leave. Let him be miserable by himself since he so much enjoys that.

augustknight · Jan 21, 2006, 06:26 AM

It would help to know why he split with his wife. It may give some insight into the situation. Look for a pattern in his behavior. There is a possibility that he suffers from depression. I never use this word other to mean in the medical sense. If he has mood swings ( not minute to minute but in days or weeks) that could be an indicator. Withdrawal is a coping mechinism, a poor one at that.
Men are loathe to admit that they may have a mental illness ( again this is a medical term and not an indicator of anyone's intellegence). If you intend to continue this relationship it is important that you both address this possibility. With proper treatment he can be a whole new person.