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jmblack6307 · Dec 15, 2007, 01:49 AM

My wife recently messaged a close friend of ours. He is married and we all are good friends. She justifies it because she also sends the joke or picture to his wife. I don't feel he is a threat, yet feel boundaries are being crossed and there is no reason to socialize privately like that. Am I being too sensitive?

Bluerose · Dec 15, 2007, 04:52 AM

Yes. We are allowed to have male friends. Everyone texts everyone these days, sharing jokes and funny stories. I often get a joke and think one or other of my male friends would appreciate it more than another one. It's fun, it's harmless. So unless you have concrete proof that it's more than that just join in the fun. :)

talaniman · Dec 15, 2007, 10:00 AM

Bluerose is right, as I do the same thing, and have a list of both male and females I send jokes, pictures and stories to. That's what we do, its fun and healthy. If your jealous, then you have a problem that needs dealing with, but don't wreck her fun. Oh, please explain these boundaries you speak of. Are they realistic, and fair??

s_cianci · Dec 15, 2007, 10:21 AM

You may be. Discuss with her how you feel and give her a chance to respond. Ask how she would feel if the situation were reversed, if you were texting the wife. In fact, maybe you should actually do it and see what kind of reaction you get.

Bluerose · Dec 15, 2007, 10:33 AM

s_cianci,

Sorry but that's just looking for trouble. And if we are looking for trouble we usually find it. For him to text the wife just to see what happens is just playing games and they could lose some good friends if it went that far. I still say get in on the fun text them all with jokes and stories. :)

s_cianci · Dec 15, 2007, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by bluerose

s_cianci,

Sorry but that's just looking for trouble. And if we are looking for trouble we usually find it. For him to text the wife just to see what happens is just playing games and they could lose some good friends if it went that far. I still say get in on the fun text them all with jokes and stories. :)

But that's just my point ; if it is in fact harmless and innocent fun, then the "trouble" that you speak of won't happen and that should put the OP's mind at ease. However, if real trouble does develop as a result then that's a cue that it's more than just the "harmless and innocent fun" that everyone is suggesting it is, in which case the OP knows he has a problem that needs to be addressed. For the most part, those responding to this thread are suggesting that it's perfectly OK for his wife to be texting this man. Well, if that's the case then it's just as OK for him to text the wife ; there's no double standard here.

talaniman · Dec 15, 2007, 05:15 PM

I think that unless there is concrete evidence, then why fill in the unknown with insecure feelings, when all you have to do is pay closer attention and make sure your right before you jump to conclusions. If this guy is one of many people, what's the problem?

Santi · Dec 15, 2007, 05:18 PM

See it as an opportunity to see what pushes your buttons.

talaniman · Dec 15, 2007, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by Santi

see it as an opportunity to see what pushes your buttons.

Maybe there is something there within you, that needs to be dealt with? Maybe expressing yourself in a non-judgemental way, would shed light on why you feel the way you do, and the best way to deal with it in a positive way.

George_1950 · Dec 20, 2007, 11:25 PM

I believe you are being too sensitive, but you should always be aware of where you and your wife are in your relationship. It is subject to change.