[enigmagnetic]

Well I do feel sorry that you have to see them together, as I know I would be alot worse if I had to see my ex with their new person.

Is there no way to avoid seeing him? taking a different route? I can guarantee not seeing him will allow you to heal quicker. I know just seeing a picture of my ex or hearing her name, it is like a kick to the stomach every time. It can actually cause physical pain, which is crazy and I try to avoid those situations as much as possible.

Yeah that's always fun. Nothing like the beauty of myspace in the 21st century.

[chris08]

Thanks Chris, just having someone say that makes me feel better. You're right, we ARE better than they are and there is someone out there deserving of us. I need to stop wasting my time and tears on someone who probably never deserved me in the first place. If i can just get my heart to agree with my head then i think i'll finally be ok. :p

Your Welcome, Anytime. If you ever want to chat about things just send me a private message as it seems we're going through the same phase. Good Luck, and remember, We're better than them!

:)

[chris08]

Yeah that's always fun. Nothing like the beauty of myspace in the 21st century.

I hate Myspace, I wish someone could burn it. It causes so many problems and issues, who would have thought a pointless website could have so many affects on peoples relationships?

[miou30]

It seems that we are all going through the same things. I wish I had something positive to share with you but unfortunately I'm not doing that great either. Its been three months since the break up and after 10 weeks of NC, I was still feeling very lonely and called to wish her well on her birthday. One thing led to the other and we ended up meeting up the same night. It was very emotional for both of us. She couldn't hold back the tears and she kept telling me that it was her fault we broke up and that now she has been single for three months she appreciates what I am even more. She kept telling me all that I was longing to hear and that her life is much worse without me.

We had a very intense and emotional couple of hours. At the end of the night she was telling me that no one had ever loved her like I did and she wished there was a way to show me what I mean to her. At the same time she told me that she is not ready to try again as she feels very vulnerable and confused at the moment.

I'm guttered to say that I'm back to square one, having to deal with all those horrible feelings of insecurity and neediness you feel after a breakup. For those of you who are doing well with NC keep up the good work cause believe me its 1000 times more painful to let those feelings surface again just to have your heart broken again.

[chris08]

She is taking your head for a spin and it is not fair. Leave her now to decide what she wants. Easier said than done. But we all have to do it don't we.

[miou30]

Chris, you are so right. I really let myself down with what I did and now I'm paying the price. I'm so frustrated now because it seems I can't let go. It seems like I am addicted to the intimacy we used to have and which I cannot have with anyone else ( at least at the moment). I want to let go but when Im lonely I let my feelings take control and don't think about the consequences. My counsellor is going to have a handfull to deal with this week:))))))))

[helpme1954]

I am just really curious, there are alot of regulars on here and ive read their stories over the last few months. Just wondering how everyone is doing.

Personally Im at almost 3 months since the breakup. First month and a half was absolute hell, but its gotten way better. Went 55 days NC before she called me this week to ask something stupid. I thought I would be back to day 1 but an hour after talking to her I was fine again thank goodness. I still think about her WAY too much, but I have gone hours without the thought of her crossing my mind. I have focused more on work again, and am eating/sleeping properly again. Outlook is neutral (at least its not super negative). I have been seeing someone new casually but its really tough because of the whole 'my ex did this better etc' hopefully that goes away soon.


So how is everyone else doing? I feel some weird bond with all of you going through this CRAP at the same time as I.

Well I am just about to hit the skids as I am going to finish my relationship this weekend. I have to put aside what I feel as I can never trust the man and know I will face the pain of break up in the end so I'm going cold turkey and getting it over with. NC is going to be difficult as we have separated before and he turns up on my doorstep or calls from a phone number that I don't recognize. I will visit this site on a daily basis for support so please all you out there write me notes to encourage me to get through this as my heart is already breaking.

[Chery]

She is taking your head for a spin and it is not fair. Leave her now to decide what she wants. Easier said than done. But we all have to do it don't we.

Chris honey, would you please look in the mirror and repeat that to yourself, please..

And, yes, this site is full of people who have had their hearts broken and some have healed a little faster than others, but at least we attempt to heal, share our experience, and come to the realization that this happens to millions all around the world. We are unique only in the way we accept and adjust to our predicaments - then we pass our knowledge on in order to help others.

That's life, love, and just plain being human beings with vulnerabilities.

Ain't life grand... sometimes. We all deserve our share of happiness, and we will eventually get it, but we really have to want it.

Just like everything else in our lives, we determine our own pace... and our visits here to AMHD.

All the best to all of us!

[enigmagnetic]

Today I started to get spam from the ex. I think that about sums it up. I also told her it was necessary our relationship ended. She said I wasn't right for her. I then ran my first 10k. Saw the folks for the first thanksgiving without her (in three years) away from home and had a good time. I've got some friends back. I'm at the turning point now I think.

1 month ago, I stopped responding to her for some time. I realized she hadn't changed much and that I have changed quite a bit.

1.5 months ago I was wondering whether she wanted me back. I was freaking out over a single email she sent me after 5 months of NC. Then I calmed down and realized it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I then analyzed our relationship.

4 months ago I would get really sad and dream of her. I would beat myself up over all my perceived flaws.

5 months ago I was a recovering alcoholic. I would cry sometimes.

7 months ago she ended our relationship, and life fell into a complete drunken stupor.

[Jiser]

NC is forever or until you can honestly say you could see an ex with someone happily and be happy for them + be happy yourself. Sometimes the best friendships can come out of the past. One or two of mine have though they were of the same sex lol so that doesn't count.

The future can bring many things. I know of four people personally who got back with ex's years down the line. However they had grown, experienced life - This is what we need to do to get ourselves back to a strong, happy, independent person.

With NC we can gain a clear understanding of the past and heal without the constant confusion of the ex. I advise it for all + keeping your mind occupied. I haven't spoken to my ex now for about 5 months and every day which goes past gets easier and easier. Sometimes it feels like my relationship ever happened. I was lucky to experience what I thought was 'love' and we should all be. I took away good memories and more importantly a learning experience.

[kaitou]

It's been a year for me, and a I feel GREAT! I spent most of my time improving myself, setting goals , etc. I have more self-confidence, and am happier with myself now. Although I don't know how I would react if I see my ex again, so I hope he's doing well, and I hope I won't bump into him for another at least another 5 years.

[madaman]

Yeah Today would be roughly the 4 month mark, 3 months of NC for me. It really does get better, even if its very very slow progress. I still miss her more than anything, and the fun we had. I also realize that she isn't who I made her out to be.

[chris08]

I've done a really terrible thing, I have been doing so well with no contact over the last few weeks and then I get a moment of madness last night when I got home after a night out I sent my ex a text saying 'take me back steph' I feel so bad and I've let myself down. Oh god :(

[madaman]

Meh, not a big deal we all slip every now and then. Just remember how doing this made you feel afterwards, and you won't do it again. Definetely don't be so hard on yourself please. Next time you get the urge to send her a text or whatever, just post here and we will all smack you around.

[madaman]

So just checking up on everyone who has been posting these last few months. How is everyone doing/where are you in the whole process?

I think I may have finally made it over that final hill myself, I actually went a whole day without thinking about the ex which is something I never thought possible. Christmas might still be a little sad but I can truly say that I don't have any feelings for my ex anymore. Time really did a great job wearing the memories down.

[N0help4u]

Though the years of having a boyfriend vs not bothering with any guys I have found that I am more have direction, am at peace and can think more clearly when I don't have a guy in my life.

[Chery]

My BF and I were together on and off since 1999. I have always done the compromising. When we broke up the first time, I was the one who left and felt fine without him, even though we live in the same building. He always walked by my window at least once a day to irritate me, and it did then. A few months later, he knocked on my door (before Xmas) and left a plate of a casserole that he cooked. The next day he asked me if I liked it and we started talking again. He invited me up to his place, but I told him I was busy and I might have time the next day. We were together again for two years since then. This year, in October, I found out I have lung cancer, and naturally I told him, and went through a very depressed period and got absolutely no emotional support from him. One night, Oct 13th, I went to my place in the evening to sleep there because I had enough of his coldheartedness and to spend time with my cat. I fell asleep and spent the night. The next morning, the lock to his door was changed and I could not get in. What a way for a guy to break up - I guess he thought it was catching or he did not want to live with someone who was going to die soon, but he still has my stuff in his place.. and I am not in a hurry to get any of it.
I feel free, happy, not depressed or stressed anymore and spend a lot of time doing things I love doing, seeing my family, playing with my grandson, and not spending or wasting one minute thinking about that jerk. I now know what he is really like and am glad I don't have to put up with him.
I will get my stuff back from him one day, even if I have to take a baseball bat with me, I have nothing left to lose now and am not stressed by him at all. He knows this through his son who is my son-in-law.. and now leaves me alone and does not walk by my window anymore. His son now knows what a cruel person he is and so do all the neighbors.. who all of a sudden invite me over to dinner or lunch - it's kind of funny when he looks out his window and sees them coming to visit me or driving me to go shopping. I guess he thought I'd be a recluse and depressed - NOT
So, folks, those that hurt us and are cold-hearted, get paid back one way or the other.. just keep that in mind - they don't get away with it so easy

I hope this is a consoling thought for all of you still in pain
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[Maggie83]

Hi guys I'm new to this but I'm at about the week 10 stage... im seriously trying no contact now its really tough and I'm still thinking what if. My ex and I have both broken N/C at various times and the longest its been without contact has been 14 days so now I'm giving it a real go for my sanity and to give her some space!

This site has helped me no end, I've said things on here I wouldn't say to my dearest friend and I am thankful for all of the feedback my question has been given!

[xcookiemonstorx]

Well tonight thanks to advice on this sit I'm going NC. I just redid my myspace and took everything and every picture of my ex off. I just found out he was cheating on me 2 days ago. Merry christmas huh? Its all so confusing to me. I can't eat or sleep. I was willing to try and work things out after our break but he's still talking to the girl. I've lost all trust in people. I see that no matter how much you love someone and know them, that you really don't know them. You don't know what's in there head or what they want or what they would be willing to give up for a fling. NC is going to be so hard for me.

[N0help4u]

i was willing to try and work things out after our break but hes still talking to the girl.

They say it takes two and I have found that to be most true when it comes to working things out. I have seen for myself that it doesn't take two to fight or break up, but it does take two to make things work!

ive lost all trust in people. i see that no matter how much you love someone and know them, that you really dont know them. you dont know whats in there head or what they want or what they would be willing to give up for a fling. NC is gonna be so hard for me.

Time heals all wounds and you have to learn from the past so you don't repeat the same.
I think one thing that is important is being choosier in what you want in a relationship.