[Kcoral88]

Okay, so I am not the parent here, I am the sister.

My whole family is absolutely to the end of our ropes with my 25 year old brother. He is an alcoholic moocher. He has lived with my parents his whole life, he does not pay rent, it is like pulling teeth to ask him to do anything around the house. As well, he has two DWIs under his belt, and does not currently have his license. He acts like he deserves everything handed to him... and this is after he has had every opportunity in the world and basically ruined it for himself. My parents have offered to pay each of my brothers and my college tuitions for us, but took that offer back from my brother shortly after they paid for a whole semester and found out when they finally got the grades that he did not attend even one class. After this, my father allowed him to work at our family business where he did well for awhile, then my father was forced to fire him because he stole from the business.

As of late, my brother is still living at home, my parents, grandparents, and myself, when I am home from college are driving him to work and his friends houses. He is attending drug and alcohol counseling, as well as performing community service in accordance with his probation. Two years ago when he got his first DWI, the cops found cocaine in my brothers car. He had said that he had stopped doing that, but two weeks ago, he got brought home by the police because he got caught drinking by his probation officer, it was not until last week, that my parents found out that he had been arrested, and that the police had found cocaine on him again, he was not even man enough to admit it himself, the probation officer had to mention it to my Mom. As well, we found out that 3 months ago he failed his mandatory drug test and it showed that he had cocaine in his system.

I have two questions now that you have heard the background here...

If my brother does not admit to having a problem with both cocaine and alcohol, and the services that the state is offering him are not working... is there anything we can do to help him?

Also, why was he not arrested 3 months ago when cocaine showed up in his system then? Why was no one notified... I know it should not have gotten this far in the first place, but why is the law not doing its job?

[N0help4u]

Don't be an enabler. I know that is hard when he lives with parents and has nowhere to go but they need to make him have some responsibilities or he will be there still at 36 and 40+
And still in the same boat.
Sending him to rehab doesn't work when somebody will not even admit they have a problem.
The law seems more concerned about the drug rings than the users most of the time but there are occasions when they will give a user a stiff sentence and it is usually after several offenses if then.

[BBWfromPhilly]

I have to agree with N0help4u in that you are all enabling your brother to continue with this behavior. Until he hits rock bottom, which he will never do living with your parents and not having to be responsible for himself, he will probably never admit his problem. And until he does, and realizes he has to get help, rehab won't work.

It's hard to say why he was given a break by the police, but it's obvious that's what happened. They must have decided that he needed another chance, for whatever reason. But this is no worse than what you and your family are doing by allowing him to be part of your lives while he's lying, drinking, and taking drugs.

It's called tough love for a reason... it's usually tougher on the family than anything else, but most often it works. It's time to get tough.

Good luck, I know it isn't easy.

[Fr_Chuck]

First he is a adult, he was told he failed, his probation officer should not even be discussing this case with your parents, Unless your brother signed a release to allow him to tell them, he is breaking rules telling anyone about your brothers probation conditions.

So that is why he did not tell anyone, he is not suppose to, he tells the person.

It is the PO's choice to revolk or not, normally on first failure they don't but they give the person a seroius warning

But honestly at this point it is your parents problem, they are helping him doing this by not kicking him out. Parents kick him out, let him fail or make it on his own, when he hits bottom completely, maybe he will change.

[Kcoral88]

I get what you're saying... I have actually been trying to get my parents to kick him out for quite awhile, but they refuse to. I feel like they refuse to listen to me, because I am the baby of the family... I feel like it is impossible to get any one to do anything about it... They do not want to turn their backs on him, and neither do I... but at what point is it that the only way to help him?

[Fr_Chuck]

Often kicking them out is not turning your back, but actually doing what has to be done. By allowing him not to improve, by letting him stay at home free and clear, they are saying this is OK and we allow you to do it, and will pay for it while you do it.