[kat2515]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now and we just starting living together.
I currently have 2 jobs. My full time day job M-F 8AM-4PM and a part-time bartending position. When I say bartending its not a typical job where I'm out until 3AM. My shifts are from 5PM until 11pm and on rare occasions I will get out at 3AM but extremely rarely.

When we first began dating I only had the bartending job and I took graduate classes. I worked a majority of weekend nights during the summer but had other days off during the week and never worked more than 40 hours in any given week. Now I no longer take classes but have a full time job (mainly for benefits). I don't like this job I get no stimulation from it and don't want to make it my career in the future. I've cut down my shifts at the bar to maximum 3 a week... but usually only have 1. I like having the extra cash for doing and planning fun things w/ my boyfriend and am thinking about the future and buying a house or possibly going back to school and changing my career.

I currently make more money than him with my full time job alone and he feels that I should not work as much at the bar. I enjoy my job at the bar and feel very comfortable with the people there. The job is no longer just my job... it is my social time, my hobby, and my exercise. I rarely see my friends at home and I no longer go to the gym or dance since I am out of school and spend all my free time with my boyfriend.

Currently he works more than me during the day. He works almost every weekend day and has more hours than me. I find myself (when not working) staying at home knitting watching movies or cooking dinner for the 2 of us when he is at work.

This is his only job and needs the hours. I totally understand. But I have a hard time when he gets upset with me working weekend nights stating we can never do anything. I don't work every weekend and we have gone out with friends. Just when one does come up where I'm woring fri. and sat night he gets very upset and says I don't care about him enough to not work. But I also get out at 11pm... the night is technically still in diapers.

Am I being selfish? Should I make it a point to insist I take no more than 1 shift a week? I could REALLY use some insight and advice. I want to know if I am wrong and selfish. I've sacraficed other things... is that not enough?

Please... someone help... I'm clueless.

[bustertypsy]

This is a tough one.You both work long hours,at different times which intercepts each other hours.
The simple law of mathematics says that you must sit down and work out the way you both work.Is it a necessity that you need to work these ridiculous hours?I always believe that time shared with each other is a lot more valuable than treble time in any bar/office.A relationship/life/family are more important than any job.Don't get me wrong,work is a part of life,must be done.But what kind of life will you have if you work 8 to 4,then 5 to 11? If I worked those hours I would not be able to start a relationship with anybody,never mind sustain it.Just remember what's most important? I know a guy who worked every hour God gave him.He didn't need to,but he did,had a really nice car(that sat in the carpark for 14 hours a day)Hs wife was unhappy.One day he arrived home and caught his wife in bed with another man.He was destroyed by this,became an alcoholic,lost his driving licence and is now a mere morsel of what he was.Too little,too late.Life is not a dress rehearsal,do what we HAVE to do,but don't go overboard.
Hope this helps both of you!